I'm non existent in MIL's world

[Anonymous]

There have been many posts that seem to be the MIL venting about the DIL.

Now I am a DIL with an issue. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. My MIL I feel sometimes forgets that my husband is married with a wife and that she has a DIL and I exist.

Examples of this being we will be flying somewhere and she will just text my husband to have a safe flight instead despite the fact that we are both flying and texting in a group chat to both of us have a safe flight.

When we come to visit she will just text my husband saying she is looking forward to seeing him again instead of simply texting both of us which isn't hard to do and takes zero effort and saying I'm looking forward to seeing you guys.

When we get her a gift for mother's day she will just text my husband to thank him.

When we flew up for her birthday she just texted my husband it was so great to see you instead of us both again despite the fact me her DIL was present as well.

I want my husband to address this slight to his mother as it will be perceived better coming from him.

[Anonymous]

Maybe MIL followed all the advice given here that all the communication go through her son. Is there an existing group chat for communication? If not, why not start one since it takes zero effort? MIL may not know how to do it.

[Anonymous]

My DIL adores me, and I adore her. But she only ever texts my DH. It doesn't mean she doesn't care -- that's just how the communication flows.

If it's important to you, try texting her directly - or, when you're getting on the plane, text her (and your DH) "Taking off - can't wait to see you!"

[Anonymous]

If these are the worst examples you can come up with, I'd say it's not really an issue.

My ILs make a big deal of my birthday. MIL will bake a cake especially for me. They're kind and sweet. But I'm not on their group text (it was an oversight that I never bothered correcting--they text too much) and MIL will do exactly what your MIL does. It's what's easiest for her.

[Anonymous]

Been married for decades and this seems normal to me. My dh and MIL talk all the time...should I be on every call? He calls her when we're on our way to see her....should I be on that call? No, she and he just text between them. I never though about it. I'm not good about keeping up with her either the way I should (kid updates etc) as I feel like that is/was his job and mine was to keep my own family in touch.

Is there something else going on? Otherwise this seems completely normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If these are the worst examples you can come up with, I'd say it's not really an issue.

My ILs make a big deal of my birthday. MIL will bake a cake especially for me. They're kind and sweet. But I'm not on their group text (it was an oversight that I never bothered correcting--they text too much) and MIL will do exactly what your MIL does. It's what's easiest for her.

+1
My MIL never texts me, either. She texts her son, who passes along any message or information. It wouldn't even occur to me to feel slighted.

[Anonymous]

My mil often does this and I really don’t think it comes from a bad place at all. She and DH just talk more often. He is her son, after all.

Why not initiate a group chat with everyone and be the first to text? Thank her for visiting or for having you and DH over etc. Just keep doing this and she may also start texting to the group thread. Even if she doesn’t, this is still a nice thing to do.

[Anonymous]

You're this worked up about texting? I wouldn't say a word about it. You're interpreting it as a slight, but there's no evidence that's what it's intended as. She's texting her son; many, many, many people advise having communication go through the parent-child, not the SIL/DIL. And honestly, she probably assumes that your husband will share anything that applies to you, too.

[Anonymous]

When my DS or DD are going on a trip, I text have a great time to DS or DD. They assume I mean for the family and I assume they tell their spouse. Likewise, when DS or DD and even steps text either DH or me, they and we know it's meant for both of us to have a great time or thanks for your help and assume we'll let the other one know.

It's O.K.

[Anonymous]

I think your mil is being just perfect. She’s supposed to be communicating through her son. If you want otherwise, start including her in group texts and telling your Dh you want to be on the communication.

That being said, she might wish her son was picking out gifts and such and that’s why she’s only thanking him. Drop the ball and have your Dh do more. I used to do so much before kids but it was too much to juggle after.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you start texting her? Maybe she’ll communicate with you more then. She may just not know how much communication you want.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn’t answer his parents when they text or email and only sometimes when they call so they started trying to go through me to get to him. I felt like Hermione in Harry Potter “I’m not an owl!” Don’t borrow trouble OP!

[Anonymous]

I don’t see the problem here.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you are now part of the picture doesn’t negate the fact that mom has a relationship with her son that far predates you and she shouldn’t be expected to just treat the two of you exactly the same, and every single text and interaction as a package the same now that you are married. There’s a big difference between actively excluding you and having a closer relationship/more frequent communications with the child she birthed, and the latter is completely normal. Do you make sure that every time you speak on the phone with or text your own mother that you also reach out to your in-laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There have been many posts that seem to be the MIL venting about the DIL.

Now I am a DIL with an issue. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. My MIL I feel sometimes forgets that my husband is married with a wife and that she has a DIL and I exist.

Examples of this being we will be flying somewhere and she will just text my husband to have a safe flight instead despite the fact that we are both flying and texting in a group chat to both of us have a safe flight.

When we come to visit she will just text my husband saying she is looking forward to seeing him again instead of simply texting both of us which isn't hard to do and takes zero effort and saying I'm looking forward to seeing you guys.

When we get her a gift for mother's day she will just text my husband to thank him.

When we flew up for her birthday she just texted my husband it was so great to see you instead of us both again despite the fact me her DIL was present as well.

I want my husband to address this slight to his mother as it will be perceived better coming from him.

What? These aren’t slights. When you are altogether, does she ignore you? That’s a slight.