It's really hard for me to feel sorry for people who were last of their classmates to turn 21:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very strange post.

+1

Navel-gazing too much.

+2. I clicked on it because I turned 21 in the fall of my senior year, but didn't expect the initial post to go that way.

Same. I skipped a grade so I didn’t turn 21 til a month before graduation. I went abroad for the first semester of senior year, so there were only a few months where I couldn’t hang out in American bars. No need to feel sorry for me, it was all ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People with fall birthdays are usually the ones who have this experience as they usually turn 18 their freshman year and 21 their senior year. My birthday is at the end of September, which means that I, too, would've had this experience had things gone smoothly for me; only they didn't. A few weeks into my freshman year, I dropped out of college due to anxiety. I went back the following fall as an almost-19-year-old freshman. When I turned 21 at the beginning of my junior year, one of my roommates said to me, "Lucky you. I don't turn 21 for another year." I remember thinking to myself, "Lucky? Lucky that I had to drop out of college? Lucky that I'm going to have to watch all my friends from high school graduate college before me?"

The other night, I was talking to a family friend who has a 20-year-old son who just started his senior year of college. I asked how he was doing and they said, "He's really unhappy right now. Most of his friends can go out to bars and he can't." I had to stop myself from responding with "Would he rather have my experience?"

These are just a couple of examples. Across various internet forums, I've seen countless people acting like victims because they couldn't go bar-hopping until midway through their senior year. But what they don't seem to realize is that this is only because they had a straight clean path, as opposed to the messy crooked path I had; a path that being the first of my friends to turn 21 wasn't worth. It's almost as if they're saying they wish they had had to drop out of college. Would these people really rather have the experience I did?

They surely don't realize that you dropped out for a year, or at least aren't commenting on that part as being lucky.

Fall birthdays are weird, because the cut off is different for many places. It is 100% normal for an 'almost 19' year old to enroll as a freshman, even if their path was smooth. Some places do not allow you to enter kindergarten until you are 5, even if your birthday is in September or October. So, it is not obvious that your age is due to having a rough patch.

But in general, get off internet forms like this, and maybe seek help if you are still struggling. These people are just recounting an experience that was mildly frustrating, they are not trying to discount ay struggles you had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what they don't seem to realize is that this is only because they had a straight clean path, as opposed to the messy crooked path I had; a path that being the first of my friends to turn 21 wasn't worth.

You're right, they don't know what you went through. Their comment is not about you. I suspect the conversation would go very differently if they knew what you had been through. People complain in the abstract without intending it to hurt others. E.g. I'm sure it hurts parents who have lost children to hear other parents complain about their living children. That doesn't mean parents should never complain, but of course they should take their audience into consideration. You're hearing complaints about drinking age from people who don't know you are part of the audience.

I say this with kindness: perhaps a counselor can help you get past this, so you don't personalize comments not intended to attack you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very strange post.

+1

Navel-gazing too much.

+2. I clicked on it because I turned 21 in the fall of my senior year, but didn't expect the initial post to go that way.

I graduated shortly before my 21st birthday. anyone feel sorry for me?

I graduated a month before my 21st birthday. I somehow survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry but you have some really distorted thinking about this. Did you/do you see a therapist for your anxiety? They might be able to help you sort out and process the trauma associated with what you went through.

Agree. Initially I was inclined to snark post, but realized there is some serious anxiety underlining your post along with trauma. Most people you encounter will have no idea what you experienced your first year and may be wigged out if this or something similar is your response.

GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what they don't seem to realize is that this is only because they had a straight clean path, as opposed to the messy crooked path I had; a path that being the first of my friends to turn 21 wasn't worth.

You're right, they don't know what you went through. Their comment is not about you. I suspect the conversation would go very differently if they knew what you had been through. People complain in the abstract without intending it to hurt others. E.g. I'm sure it hurts parents who have lost children to hear other parents complain about their living children. That doesn't mean parents should never complain, but of course they should take their audience into consideration. You're hearing complaints about drinking age from people who don't know you are part of the audience.

I say this with kindness: perhaps a counselor can help you get past this, so you don't personalize comments not intended to attack you.

In fairness to OP, the sentiment expressed demonstrates the prevailing thought amongst young people, which is that anyone who is not a member of one or more marginalized groups or who has experienced great personal strategy is insensitive and uncaring for expressing any negative feeling or challenge in their own lives because someone has it worse. People need to stop having feelings, or at least talking about their feelings if they haven't had hard enough lives. Sad because your mother died? You are b*tch. Some people didn't have mothers or had abusive mothers. Sad about your kid's disability? Selfish, selfish. Some parents have children who died of cancer. How can people be so selfish as to have grief or sadness about dead kids? Some of people were never able to have kids. And one and on.

OP, on top of continuing to work on your anxiety, it might make sense to work on letting go of your anger at other people for their complaints, especially internet strangers who don't know your past. At minimum, perhas consider the context when you hear other people's complaints too. Yes, waiting to go to bars isn't a big deal, but getting left behind when your friend group engages in activities you can't participate in can be difficult. Compassion goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a contest to see who has it the worst. Buck up and move on.

I know you’re intending to be a bit flippant here, but actually a lot of modern discourse is about who has it “worse”. There’s a very strong race to the bottom and a desire to represent oneself as wronged somehow. It gives a person a lot of power nowadays. I think it perpetuates the type of thinking that op is expressing.

[Anonymous]

And it's really hard for me to feel sorry for someone who dropped out of college due to "anxiety" when I know people who had much bigger problems in college and still didn't drop out. Besides, most people I know wouldn't have been able to afford a "crooked messy" path. If I had dropped out of college, that would've been it for me. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having to drop out, you should be feeling grateful that you got to go back.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very unhappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a contest to see who has it the worst. Buck up and move on.

I know you’re intending to be a bit flippant here, but actually a lot of modern discourse is about who has it “worse”. There’s a very strong race to the bottom and a desire to represent oneself as wronged somehow. It gives a person a lot of power nowadays. I think it perpetuates the type of thinking that op is expressing.

This - times a million.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Sorry OP that your anxiety was crippling. But look up and look around you. You will see that your experience is not reflected in everyone else’s thoughts every minute.

My son competes on a team that is not school related, but in the community. When he turned 21, he went from being the cute kid (of unusual skill, so a respected cute kid) to a full team mate because he could join them all after practice.

He doesn’t drink but is enjoying the camaraderie. I am happy for him. Being left out is never fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a contest to see who has it the worst. Buck up and move on.

I know you’re intending to be a bit flippant here, but actually a lot of modern discourse is about who has it “worse”. There’s a very strong race to the bottom and a desire to represent oneself as wronged somehow. It gives a person a lot of power nowadays. I think it perpetuates the type of thinking that op is expressing.

This - times a million.

Squared.

[Anonymous]

The kid is too dull to get a fake ID?

[Anonymous]

I didn't turn 18 until the beginning of my freshman year and didn't turn 21 until the beginning of my senior year, but I managed to get incredibly drunk with my friends on many, many occasions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is too dull to get a fake ID?

I think it's harder now with harsher penalties for breaking laws related to IDs?