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Lack of Responsibilty in Husbands/Fathers
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Anonymous
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Where does it come from? I just read the thread on whether or not no father is better than an absent/bad father. I see this behavior in so many men. The awesome men I know are rare and they are praised like they are some special species that do not exist. I think I know two men who go above and beyond to participate in their families.
So, where do men learn this or why do they end up like this after marrying and having kids? Do they learn it from their mothers and fathers and what can be done to make sure that our sons do not turn out lazy, tired and unwilling to help out their wives. My DH is lazy. He is a slob. He wanted a dog, but wont brush her or vacuum. Wont do laundry. Wont put laundry away. Wont clean the kitchen (although he will cook and make a huge mess). He basically will not do anything that does not benefit him in some way. Of course if a friend calls and need to build a deck, fix a car, paint a house - HE IS THERE. Cause he is a super friend. Will he do these things around the house? Of course not. So, why do they marry and have kids? Why do they stop helping? Why do they want lazy time alone but not give us any? Why do they have kids then not want to go out with them. I know not all men are this way. But most are. |
Anonymous
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My question is why do women marry men that they think so little of (lazy, slob, irresponsible).
My husband isn't like that at all. Sure he can have his slobby moments, but so can I. But He's an awesome husband and an awesome Dad. I attribute it to his God-given nature but also not being coddled or spoiled by his Mom. |
Anonymous
You answered your own question! You children will see how your household is run, that your DH is lazy and basically only as good as his paycheck (and lets be honest, you tolerate it, although I'm sure the resentment will build up) and then your kids, expecially if you have boys, will repeat history. People jump down my throat for this, but I believe these men should spend their lives alone. I would divorce someone who acted like this. What is the benefit? Its just like having another child, but its even worse b/c he is GROWN and intentionally disrespects his wife and family. My DH does not act like this. He respects me and his parents did a good job of raising him. His mom does not lift a hand to do dishes, it's always the man's role in his family. Your situation is a vicious cycle and only you can stop it by making your DH get serious (and that means garnering some RESPECT). |
Anonymous
| my husband isn't like this. but it would be stupid of me to take a "that's why my marriage is better than yours" attitude, which seems to be like the previous two. dh ain't perfect. he just happens to do laundry and dishes very well. |
Anonymous
As the first responder to this thread I am puzzled as to why: 1. you would basically call me and the next poster "stupid" 2. you would infer from either of our posts that we are attempting to compare our marriages to those of complete strangers ?? |
Anonymous
I'm the other poster. Maybe this poster does not believe that what children see modeled in the home life repeats itself in their own lives one day. Maybe this poster thinks women should put up or shut up. Maybe this all hits too close to home for her... I don't know why she thinks I think my marriage is better, but from the OPs description and her level of resentment and tone, does anyone actually think she sounds happy with her husband? When I read some of these posts, I have to look at my calendar and verify that it's 2008, not 1958. |
Anonymous
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both of you just did compare your marriages to the OP's. hello? "i would divorce someone who acts like this... My DH does not act like this" and "why do women marry men that they think so little of...My husband isn't like that at all."
maybe you see your perspective as feminist-empowering but they reek of arrogance and obnoxiousness. |
Anonymous
Oh dear. The OP said most men are like X. I (first responder) said mine isn't. OP asked why most men are like X. I stated that with mine I attributed it to his nature and upbringing. I don't see it as anything but my marriage and my husband. You're the one comparing and getting your panties all in a bunch. |
Anonymous
| OP also said "My DH is lazy. He is a slob." You responded with a comparison of your own. Frankly it's annoying that you don't seem to understand what the definition of comparison is. I'm sorry, but that is "stupid." |
Anonymous
Uh, ok. Wasn't it OP's post that started the comparison game? You get annoyed *really* easily. And just for fun...what do you or will you say when your kids start name-calling? WAY TO GO JUNIOR! CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK!! Yikes. |
Anonymous
| New Poster: The very nature of Op's post solicits the type of comments from the first two posters. Poster 3, I have no idea what you are on about. |
Anonymous
Then why would you be puzzled why someone would think you were comparing your marriage to the OP's? Yikes is right. You get defensive and confused *really* easily. That last line is so out of left field it's not even worth making fun of your stupidity again. |
Anonymous
Alright honey, whatever makes you feel better. Hope your day improves. |
Anonymous
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Ladies, please stop bickering, you're ruining what was shaping up to be a perfectly good discussion.
OP, my DH is mostly like this. So is his brother. I think (not a small) part of the reason why is that they were spoiled as kids and teens and never lifted a finger. I would say, based on my observation of one, is that you can't perfectly predict this when you're dating, childless, and living in a 600 sq ft. condo that takes 4 minutes to clean and has no yard to manage. And both the male and the female have all the time in the world to recreate after work and on weekends. My own DH was very thoughtful during that stage, and still is when it comes to things like remembering an anniversary card. The test of who's going to offer to get up in the middle of the night over and over just doesn't arise when you're DINKS living in NoMa. |
Anonymous
What the heck is a DINK? And the first posters were part of the good discussion!! There was just one wacky woman who decided those posts were stupid. |