If a friend is in town but doesn't get in touch

[Anonymous]

Does it annoy you or do you not care? If someone is in town for a business trip or a family obligation like a wedding -- even if they told me they’d have time to hang out but they never get in touch, I don’t usually care; I have traveled enough for work/family to know that time fills up and sometimes there are post-meeting dinner obligations etc. to where you can’t just tell someone you’re going to go meet a friend.

But this time a friend is in town from the Midwest from Thursday-Sunday for a bachelorette weekend (I don’t know the bachelorette). She didn’t tell me, I saw it on FB that she had flown in and sent her a message saying “didn’t know you’d be in town; if you have time to hang out, let me know.” No response, so I assumed she’s pretty booked and that’s fine, except she’s posting on Facebook every hour of the day that they’re wandering around this part of town, at x restaurant, at y bar -- i.e. nothing crucial. Is it just Facebook etiquette? I feel like if I go to a city where I have a friend and I don’t want to hang out bc it’s a short trip/I just want to be lazy in the hotel etc, I don’t advertise my whereabouts because I don’t want my friend to feel like I blew them off in favor of doing nothing.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand your post. She's doing something all weekend with a different group of people who you don't know. That seems legit.

[Anonymous]

I give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that if it was going to work, they'd make it work.

[Anonymous]

She's in town for a bachelorette party. You have nothing to do with what she is here for and she is here with intent. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

I'm with PPs. She came here with a specific group of friends (that you don't know) to celebrate one of their VERY SPECIAL occasions.
It would be rude of her to ditch them, and awkward for you to tag along some strangers bachelorette party.

You need to get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

If I fly across the country for a 4 day social event with friends and have an unrelated friend there, I do try to grab an hr with said unrelated friend for coffee/drinks/whatever. But maybe that's just me and the OP, as it sounds like the rest of the PPs would dare not consider that.

[Anonymous]

It is rude to not respond to a message that you have clearly read. Learn some social skills, and stop being such cowards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I fly across the country for a 4 day social event with friends and have an unrelated friend there, I do try to grab an hr with said unrelated friend for coffee/drinks/whatever. But maybe that's just me and the OP, as it sounds like the rest of the PPs would dare not consider that.

I do, too, but am not put out if people don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to not respond to a message that you have clearly read. Learn some social skills, and stop being such cowards.

This. There are many times where I've responded with "I would love to see you but I'm only in NYC for 24 hrs or I have planned events the whole time I'm here, we'll catch up next time." We're all adults and people are fine with that. It's the blatent ignoring and then facebook posting that is rude, but I think some of this is the FB generation. Like you OP, I would not FB my entire tour around the city, esp. if it involved nothing signficant and I was ignoring others I knew in town. I realize she's in town for a "special" event but I hardly think the entire pack will be together 24-7 for FOUR days. It's up to her though and just something to keep in mind next time you're in her town.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 17:15. A couple of times I have found out after the fact that my SIL was in town - once for a day, once for a weekend - and never called me. It certainly stings but, on the other hand, she was here to see her friends for special events, and I shouldn't expect that she'd drop everything to see me. I can understand that. I'm a big girl.

That being said, I do think it would have been polite and be nice if she had sent a preemptive note like "Hey, wanted to let you know I'll be in town but have x, y, and z on the books so I am going to miss seeing you this visit." It wouldn't feel so sneaky.

[Anonymous]

She's not that into you

[Anonymous]

OP,

It's odd (rude in my book) that she didn't respond. We're all grownups, we can't see all our friends when we visit cities where were have more than one friend.

I'd be slighted, but try not to think about it. Some people are weird about saying they're busy in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is rude to not respond to a message that you have clearly read. Learn some social skills, and stop being such cowards.

This. There are many times where I've responded with "I would love to see you but I'm only in NYC for 24 hrs or I have planned events the whole time I'm here, we'll catch up next time." We're all adults and people are fine with that. It's the blatent ignoring and then facebook posting that is rude, but I think some of this is the FB generation. Like you OP, I would not FB my entire tour around the city, esp. if it involved nothing signficant and I was ignoring others I knew in town. I realize she's in town for a "special" event but I hardly think the entire pack will be together 24-7 for FOUR days. It's up to her though and just something to keep in mind next time you're in her town.

Totally agree with this. Your friend should have responded to your message and just said her schedule wouldn't allow her to meet up with you this trip.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I call those "unofficial" visits: when we are in town where there are friends/family that we either don't want to see or don't have time to see. Its just just easier not to mention it, rather than trying to arrange coffee or explain why we can't/dont't want to. That said, I certainly wouldn't post pictures on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

If they're a friend, I automatically give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume they are busy or for some reason can't get together with me. I don't allow myself to take things like that personally. If it happens 3 or 4 times with the same person, then I might ask them about it, but still, with an opened mind.