If a friend is in town but doesn't get in touch

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thanks to all that responded rationally. To the others -- don't know what you want me to get over. I reached out once to a childhood friend to be nice to see if we could schedule 60 min. If we can, we can. If we can't, life goes on. By no means am I asking to (or even wanting to) see her all weekend long and god forbid I have to deal with her "woohoo we're 30 but acting like we're 19" crowd of friends by tagging along to their events. I -- like the other PPs -- do "unofficial visits" to places and keep it relatively quiet that I'm in town if I can't/don't want to hang out or I come out and say that I'm busy. I don't do the teenage facebook thing that seems to be so ok now of ignoring people but still posting every thought, pic, and tagging myself as I go from place to place.

For those who will say, don't be on Facebook. Well -- this is a friend who was in town last yr, didn't mention it, and then called one night asking me to drive 25 miles to come see her. I couldn't and she was whiny about it, as I said "I'm sorry I wish you had given me a heads-up and we could have planned something," to which she said - well it was all over Facebook, you should have called me/messaged when I was 2 min from your house! I really don't get the 30 yr old crowd that acts like a bunch of high schoolers about FB, yet when that 30 yr old has been in your life since birth, you still feel compelled to reach out once when they are in your city.

[Anonymous]

I have this problem whenever I go to NYC. I have several different groups of close friends, and it really spoils the fun for me to try to see them all. I much prefer to see just one set of friends if I have only a day or two.

Don't take it personally OP. Life is too short. Invite her to come visit for a weekend instead, or arrange a little reunion of the group of friends you both belong to. If you get offended easily, you'll become a high-maintenance friend and people will call on you less.

[Anonymous]

oh, sorry, I'm the immediate PP, and I hadn't read your post just above mine. Had I read it, I might not have posted. Sounds like you have it under control! Your friend sounds high-maintenance!

[Anonymous]

Op - you realize that you sound like a whiny high schooler who spends to much time on Facebook.

She is not in town to see you. She is visiting for an event and no she doesn't need or want to make arrangements for a side visit to appease every "friend" she has on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Op - you realize that you sound like a whiny high schooler who spends to much time on Facebook.

+1

Get off Facebook, stop worrying about what other people are doing, and live your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op - you realize that you sound like a whiny high schooler who spends to much time on Facebook.

+1

Get off Facebook, stop worrying about what other people are doing, and live your life.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I fly across the country for a 4 day social event with friends and have an unrelated friend there, I do try to grab an hr with said unrelated friend for coffee/drinks/whatever. But maybe that's just me and the OP, as it sounds like the rest of the PPs would dare not consider that.

I do, too, but am not put out if people don't.

+1

[Anonymous]

That’s bull and people are so very selfish now. It takes two seconds if I’m your friend to say I’m in town and I might might not meet up with you this week. Grown ups communicate. Immature people makes excuses!

[Anonymous]

If she didn’t let you know, she doesn’t want to get together. Of course she knows you live there. She would have said something if she wanted to squeeze it in. She didn’t. I don’t know why you reached out to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- thanks to all that responded rationally. To the others -- don't know what you want me to get over. I reached out once to a childhood friend to be nice to see if we could schedule 60 min. If we can, we can. If we can't, life goes on. By no means am I asking to (or even wanting to) see her all weekend long and god forbid I have to deal with her "woohoo we're 30 but acting like we're 19" crowd of friends by tagging along to their events. I -- like the other PPs -- do "unofficial visits" to places and keep it relatively quiet that I'm in town if I can't/don't want to hang out or I come out and say that I'm busy. I don't do the teenage facebook thing that seems to be so ok now of ignoring people but still posting every thought, pic, and tagging myself as I go from place to place.

For those who will say, don't be on Facebook. Well -- this is a friend who was in town last yr, didn't mention it, and then called one night asking me to drive 25 miles to come see her. I couldn't and she was whiny about it, as I said "I'm sorry I wish you had given me a heads-up and we could have planned something," to which she said - well it was all over Facebook, you should have called me/messaged when I was 2 min from your house! I really don't get the 30 yr old crowd that acts like a bunch of high schoolers about FB, yet when that 30 yr old has been in your life since birth, you still feel compelled to reach out once when they are in your city.

You are exhausting op, seriously.

[Anonymous]

omfg op. You stalk her on FB, then decide to insult her friends because they have the nerve to have a bachelorette party, and are mad she hasn't taken time out of her busy weekend to message you back when she probably hasn't even looked. Grow uppppppp

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like she is busy this time. Sometimes those bachelorette weekends can be all consuming, and you might need breaks/rest in between celebrations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omfg op. You stalk her on FB, then decide to insult her friends because they have the nerve to have a bachelorette party, and are mad she hasn't taken time out of her busy weekend to message you back when she probably hasn't even looked. Grow uppppppp

And yet you’re the one responding to a 5 1/2 year old thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s bull and people are so very selfish now. It takes two seconds if I’m your friend to say I’m in town and I might might not meet up with you this week. Grown ups communicate. Immature people makes excuses!

Not reaching out to OP was its own form of communication. Nobody is required to make contact with every person they know in a city they are visiting for a work or social function. This woman did NOTHING wrong. She didn't want to see OP or didn't have the time so she didn't reach out. It's not even close to a big deal or a slight. If she doesn't have the FB messenger app downloaded she probably never even saw OP's message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:omfg op. You stalk her on FB, then decide to insult her friends because they have the nerve to have a bachelorette party, and are mad she hasn't taken time out of her busy weekend to message you back when she probably hasn't even looked. Grow uppppppp

And yet you’re the one responding to a 5 1/2 year old thread.

Am I the one who revived it? No. It's on recent topics so I commented. Sorry I don't obsessively pore over dates and years threads are posted before reading them!