Au Pair just asked for more money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The NYT posted an article at the beginning of this past summer about how au pairs were caught unawares when the shutdown happened. They expected to have part of each day free, when children were in school, and instead had the children all day. In some cases the au pairs had to isolate at home too and could not explore their surroundings.

Yes, it was a weird article. Everyone's lives changed last spring. Au pairs had their plans disrupted too. Some went home. Some stayed. Some rematched. It certainly isn't host families' fault that everyone was asked to quarantine in March and April.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was a weird article. Everyone's lives changed last spring. Au pairs had their plans disrupted too. Some went home. Some stayed. Some rematched. It certainly isn't host families' fault that everyone was asked to quarantine in March and April.


Of course it's not the hosts' fault..but it's not unreasonable to expect more money for work that no longer leaves days free to explore, as the program once did. An extra $5 per week buys a latte, c'mon, that's not much. Saying this in reference to the original poster who did not want to pay her au pair more because she was already giving her $5 over the minimum requirement. The minimum requirement was set in pre-covid days. Bio moms and dads are going crazy with their kids home all day. The au pairs are young and not related to the children, expecting them to step forward selflessly is a bit unrealistic. I personally would prefer to have people who are caring for my children to feel valued and well-compensated. What job is more important?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Additional pay for additional chores done if which are not kosher.
Tasks that are inappropriate for Au Pairs (there is a very long list includes meals dishes etc)
cleaning messes the children left during the Au Pair’s off hours;
working overtime (past 45 hours/ week) for any reason, even with additional pay
Etc etc etc

OP said she works under hours. And the tidying up likely referred to tasks while on duty and related to the kids.

And you believe what the OP said? When the OP said she works full-time, has a preschool-aged child and an ES kid in full-time distance learning?

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Additional pay for additional chores done if which are not kosher.
Tasks that are inappropriate for Au Pairs (there is a very long list includes meals dishes etc)
cleaning messes the children left during the Au Pair’s off hours;
working overtime (past 45 hours/ week) for any reason, even with additional pay
Etc etc etc

OP said she works under hours. And the tidying up likely referred to tasks while on duty and related to the kids.

And you believe what the OP said? When the OP said she works full-time, has a preschool-aged child and an ES kid in full-time distance learning?

LOL.

Later in the thread OP shared the hours. The au pair is on from 8 AM - 3 PM, I believe. HM makes up missing work hours after kid bedtime.

[Anonymous]

The OP said that she wanted the au pair to "keep the kitchen and family room tidy. Right now, none of those things happen." The au pair is not supposed to do general housework-she is supposed to do childcare and tasks related to that. The au pair could help tidy the child's room for instance, but is not supposed to clean the kitchen nor the family room. When this program was initiated, the au pair was an extra pair of hands for the mother, a mother's helper, and it was all supposed to be part of a cultural exchange. Today it's the norm for both parents to work and the au pair is now expected to function as a nanny, taking care of the children alone. And apparently expected to do general housework too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how one can be an au pair and not interact with the children? Isn't that the job?

Unless they’re preteens or teens and the AP was hired to just be chauffeur, that’s basically the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a fellow host mom the dynamics have changed a lot and many au pairs - now scarce and in demand - are understandably leveraging the new dynamic.

That said, I think if you can afford to pay her more, do so, make her show you she is stepping it up. I think the PP at 5:55 is spot on, but I would phrase it more positively.

Trump froze au pair visas for the pandemic. Biden might lift that but I doubt he’ll do it in the first 90 days while we’re staying at 500,000 Americ as is dead. The au pair deserves more money especially if the kid(s) are home 24/7.

A normal nanny, even with board, would be 2x this for multiple kids.

Depends on the number of hours. Starting live-ins frequently make minimum wage, and if they’re working doing less than 25 hours per week, they could easily gross less than $200.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I‘ve met a lot of au pairs and very few were interested in their charges at all. I don’t think it’s their fault though, they are mostly very young, want to travel and meet boyfriends and aren’t paid even remotely what nannies are worth. People should stop confusing au pairs with nannies, they are more like an older child that can legally watch your kids.

That’s why I won’t take the young au pairs. 21+ for me.

[Anonymous]

Nearly sixty years ago, Congress enacted the Fulbright- Hays Act. That statute authorized a series of "educational" and "cultural exchanges." Congress's purposes in authorizing these cultural exchanges is as follows:

To enable the Government of the United States to increase mutual understanding between the people of the United States and the people of other countries by means of educational and cultural exchange; to strengthen the ties which unite us with other nations by demonstrating the educational and cultural interests, developments, and achievements of the people of the United States and other nations, and the contributions being made toward a peaceful and more fruitful life for people throughout the world; to promote international cooperation for educational and cultural advancement; and thus to assist in the development of friendly, sympathetic, and peaceful relations between the United States and the other countries of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our circle that uses an au pair and it’s so gross. Say whatever you want to justify it, but it’s sourcing a poor brown girl to come live in your house and parent your children, probably put up with your DH’s creep show.

Our neighbors who do this are the laziest, worst parents in the neighborhood. The au pair took their kids trick or treating!

And yes, I’m sure it’s a million times worse now that these girls are effectively locked in the house, can’t socialize with their home country peers, and on top of it all get to now manage home schooling for your kids. Which you WFH moms just LOVE to tell us relentlessly is a full time job. But sure, $200 a week (much of which gets paid back to the agency) should cover it.

You seem to be misinformed. The stipend is federally mandated, and it’s all for the AP. No part of it goes to the agency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP said that she wanted the au pair to "keep the kitchen and family room tidy. Right now, none of those things happen." The au pair is not supposed to do general housework-she is supposed to do childcare and tasks related to that. The au pair could help tidy the child's room for instance, but is not supposed to clean the kitchen nor the family room. When this program was initiated, the au pair was an extra pair of hands for the mother, a mother's helper, and it was all supposed to be part of a cultural exchange. Today it's the norm for both parents to work and the au pair is now expected to function as a nanny, taking care of the children alone. And apparently expected to do general housework too!

The family room is probably where the kids play and spend time so its not unreasonable to have her help the kids pick up and run a quick vacuum a few times a week and clean up after herself and the kids in the kitchen.

She is equal to a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one family in our circle that uses an au pair and it’s so gross. Say whatever you want to justify it, but it’s sourcing a poor brown girl to come live in your house and parent your children, probably put up with your DH’s creep show.

Our neighbors who do this are the laziest, worst parents in the neighborhood. The au pair took their kids trick or treating!

And yes, I’m sure it’s a million times worse now that these girls are effectively locked in the house, can’t socialize with their home country peers, and on top of it all get to now manage home schooling for your kids. Which you WFH moms just LOVE to tell us relentlessly is a full time job. But sure, $200 a week (much of which gets paid back to the agency) should cover it.

You seem to be misinformed. The stipend is federally mandated, and it’s all for the AP. No part of it goes to the agency.

DP but that’s not exactly right. Au pairs pay a hefty agency fee to join the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, poor her, 2BD apt in Milan. Compared to a basement room in a big house in an anonymous DMV suburb. Such a dumb American thing to say; that’s why we are the but of jokes everywhere. Everyone lives in apartments in Milan Rome Paris. You should be so lucky to have a chance at a 2BD in one of these places, middle aged suburban housewife.

She is happier saving money here compared to being unemployed and living in a 2 bedroom apartment with her parents and sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plus they’re NOT meant to do any of the chores the OP mentioned. I almost think this deserves a call to the local authorities to bust this young lady out from this exploitation. It’s exploiting if you’re not paying market rates, and you’re not! Also if you want her to do what State Dpt says you shouldn’t! You put it in writing. This area has so many abusers. Don’t get me started on poor G5’s working for some of the nationals from Africa and Asia, diplomats or IMF or whatever. It’s ridiculous, google it. But FBI gets to at least some of these eventually

APs are meant to care for children and their tings, and to help around the house as a meme er of the household. Doing kids’ laundry is part of caring for their things. Keeping common rooms (where kids play) tidy is normal. And interacting with the kids is central to the job!

[Anonymous]

Nothing is mandated. Minimum is just a minimum but after the MA ruling OP needed to have been told that the au pair has a right to negotiate a higher stipend with her, which still does not allow OP to ask for household work or extra hours. That all of you are so complacent with this just because that is how it is, is why we need the law like in MA. You are in the wrong, there is no moral justification, if you cant pay more than $200 per week than assign 15-20 hours of work and not 45, and here is what I hope you recognize yourselves in because you all sound exactly like that and that’s what you’re paying (call to DC OAG is in order to rush the law to DMV):
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/nanny-claims-conservative-candidate-alex-217704