Does a blended family actually work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all get along with your step siblings before the marriage? I ask because my kid and my SO’s kid are very close currently and as only children each they often pretend they are siblings and giggle when people think they are.

What a childish way to look at a serious situation. Just because small children enjoy each other's company RIGHT NOW doesn't mean that it will make for a happy family. Those kids will get older and they will notice differences in how they are treated, not just by their bio parent but by extended family.

Let's say there is a budget issue in the household. One kid's extended family buys them a nice bike. The other kid can't get one because there is no child support coming in and it's not affordable. If you are the bio parent of the first kid, do you take the bike away because your SO's kid won't be able to have one? If your kid is the second one, how do you explain that they need to adjust to these kinds of experiences because they will keep happening? Don't you think resentment will build - not just in kids, but in parents?

Come on now, who actually treats children this way?!?!? If this is how people treat stepchildren of course there will be problems, but for the life of me I don’t understand how parents would let this happen in actuality. Seems like people are looking for worst possible outcomes.

PP is not talking about step parents treating their stepchildren a certain way. PP is talking about the step child's OTHER parent being able to give things.

I know someone in this situation, where there are step siblings who live together approx. 50% of the time. But one of the kids OTHER parent is able to take their child on a lot of fabulous vacations. It's hard on the step sibling when they each come back from the other parent's house and one kid comes back with stories about skiing in Colorado or a week at Disney World, etc. and the other kid spent time watching tv on the sofa.

Only if you are really very sensitive. Plenty of blended families coexist peacefully and happily. The purpose of this thread is to tell OP to discuss finances and parenting in advance, in order to avoid the main sources of conflict. But minor conflicts are to be expected, and if everyone is reasonable, things will go well.

A small percentage works, second marriages divorce close to 70%. Most do not work for the children involved.

Having more kids when you already have them with one partner is really irresponsible. Go on steptalk.org to get a reality of what a mess it can be.

I remember my daughter went to a birthday party at her friends. When she came home she told me how her friend hates her step dads kids. The stupid mother moved them all in fairly quick after the divorce, it was pretty disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't forget, you will have to arrange all holiday schedules with the children's other families, forever. If you want the stepsiblings to have the slightest chance of feeling like family and being treated like family with each other's extended family relatives, that will require face time and travel. Hope you can afford it! And good luck forcing them through it. They may go along now but when they are teenagers they will be indifferent or outright resistant. You can't just wish everyone into a family. They all know perfectly well you can divorce again and they will never see each other again if that happens. It's fake.

And that's the problem you'll always care about your bios first. Sometimes you don't want the step on every vacation, and your kids don't want to have the step either. Or step wants to be with his bio parent and bio grandparents for holidays. On and on it goes.

Sometimes you like the step when their small, but then as they age it changes. I've seen it all.

OP you should not have anymore kids. In fact it sounds like you need to date for quite awhile.