Reply to Belle Burden’s “Strangers”

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[quote=Anonymous]After a 17-year marriage, my ex left and he didn’t want custody. At first, he offered to take one child at a time occasionally, but had no interest in having all three together for overnights. They were 5, 7, and 9.

There’s a particular kind of devastation in this. Not only does your marriage end, but your children lose their father in real time.

His parents were supportive in the beginning, but over time, they disappeared too. My kids haven’t seen their dad in a year. They haven’t seen their paternal grandparents in three. Meanwhile, the other grandchildren gather for holidays in matching pajamas. My kids aren’t invited.

Navigating this feels like navigating death. But there’s no funeral, no life insurance, no closure, no public support. He quietly disappeared, his parents disappeared, and I was expected to carry on like everything was normal. Alone.

To make it even harder, he pays no child support. None. He’s court-ordered to, but he doesn’t. He’s now willfully unemployed after a 20+ year career earning hundreds of thousands a year.

So I carry it all. The financial weight, the emotional labor, the day-to-day reality of raising three children on my own.

And the hardest part? The kids don’t hate him. They still love him. They still long for him. And their paternal grandmother. That’s the part that breaks me.

Like Belle, I feel an overwhelming desire to share my story. Carrying this load silently is just too heavy. I thought her book was excellent. [/quote]

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