NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Ha.

My parents were married until my mother’s death. I have an amazing dad.

And no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody. He would have been standing at the door the moment his custody time started.

Whenever I hear about a woman “denying access” on this site, the details of the story are “man doesn’t want to follow court ordered agreement for time and money”

+1
Most of the men “denied access” just don’t GAF but don’t want to pay child support.

If they actually cared about their kids, hell nor high water would keep them away. As shown by many many many loving dads. They just don’t like looking bad to their new girlfriends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Wtf. Almost every state is 50/50 custody even if you are an abuser to anyone but the kid.

It’s sad that the only way to get some males with kids to parent is via the court system. Guess their (first) family and marriage weren’t worth growing up for.

What's truly sad is that so many moms who are 100% responsible for whom they choose to procreate with, don't make better choices

There wouldn't be any dead beat dads at all if women weren't constantly using irresponsible unprotected sex to fulfill their own emotional needs, with no thought at all as to the suitability of the men they are choosing to procreate with

Try as you might to wriggle out of the inevitable conclusion, women are the gatekeepers to their own wombs. If they grant access injudisciously, they are solely responsible for the consequences.

That’s the point of all the recent articles and discord: women are making better choices and skipping over duds.

One problem is there are way more male duds than male non-duds or female duds.

From the male point of view, just the opposite. There are more female duds than male duds.

Female duds: unpleasant to be around, crazy, physically unattractive - and yet nevertheless has an absurd list of demands for what she wants men to be and do.

And women wonder why men are increasingly indifferent to them. Astounding lack of self awareness, smh.

Don’t understand. Can you pls provide some examples of each?

Unpleasant to be around, for example:
- Women who can't hold a conversation without it being about them
- Women who don't have any interests other than their phone and what instagram tells them

Crazy, for example:
- Many women in this town have grown up in the peak era of third-wave, gaslight/gatekeep/girlboss feminism. They have never been told no in their lives
- Just insane checklists and requirements for a romantic partner. Ironically increases as they age.

Physically unattractive, for example:
- Fat. In this town, you can clean up as a woman if you simply are not fat. This extends to not being chubby either. It's not hard, just don't guzzle frappacunios and muffins everyday, go for a walk.
- Don't know how to dress. See above - if you have a muffin top, wearing crop tops doesn't help your case. Simultaneously, if you work a white-collar office job like I assume most women on this forum do, don't have your tits and ass hanging out at the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be a thematic series at the NYT:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/21/magazine/men-heterofatalism-dating-relationships.html?unlocked_article_code=1.YU8.43pQ.EZ4bi1dHDtR_&smid=url-share

Men are just unable to operate in normal, grown up relationships - or at least that's what the these articles would have us believe.

Honestly, I think this is turning into a pretty tired trope. (guy here)

A lot of woman can't take the weaponized incompetence. "You told me to take down the xmas lights, but you did not tell me to put them away anywhere. How am I supposed to know??"

Men need to wash their own shiz and clean the house, too. They need to not say they are "babysitting" their own kids. They need to cook 50% of the time or more.

They need to hold the mental load of children's medical appts, dental appointments, school forms, field trip forms and dates, school volunteering possibilities, and carpooling if needed. They need to track the TeamSnap for the children's sports teams, bring the lasagna to the swim team potluck, and drive the kids back and forth to these events.

That's just a drop of what men need to start doing.

I researched ALL of the kid's summer camps, and it was very time consuming because I had to consider date, time, interests and distance for two kids with varying interests. Some of the camps were so popular that they'd fill up by January.

That was super time consuming, and then yea, the camp forms. I did this for 10+ years all while working FT.

Oh, and the birthday parties. I am not a good party planner; I don't like doing it, but I did it all. I start the discussions with my kids about what they want to do. I'd be happy with DH doing it but he doesn't think about these things until late.

I juggled kids' and my appointments, activities, etc.. DH just had to deal with himself.

I'm sure if I asked DH to do it, he would've, but the thing that bothers me is that I always had to ask. Doesn't appear to me that most dads think about kids stuff as much as moms do, or at least they only pickup things that interest them (which is like 5% of stuff that needs doing), like drivers' ed. DH did initiate that one because he likes cars.

I agree that moms take on more of the mental load than dads even if the dads do the cooking and other housechores. It's like they can just manage their own mental load, and that's about it. They certainly don't want to do the mundane things that are required. I don't even think a lot of dads even think about those mundane tasks.

Oh, and the college talk. More moms talk to their kids about the future and college than dads. That was also true in my case.

I am a man and I have always done everything you list here: summer activities, birthdays, appointments, extracurriculars, sports, schools, college, vacations, and more. Organized, planned, paid for.

It wasn't that hard. It wasn't exhausting. I didn't mind it at all.

This "mental load" stuff is just you deciding to be mad at your DH. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.

Who said it was hard? I said it's time consuming, but I never stated it was hard. You're making stuff up in your own head to excuse men.

And if it's not that hard, why don't more dads do it? They don't because, like I said, they don't want to do the mundane stuff.

Studies have shown that women, even those who work FT, still do the bulk of all that because men don't initiate. I think the only thing they want to initiate is sex. Everything else about life is left up to the wife to initiate.

Men don't do more because they work more hours than women, even when both are employed full time. When you add up paid and unpaid work, it evens out. Everybody is working about equally, on average.

Also, it's ludicrous to suggest that no one on this site says it's hard. It's a constant theme to complain about the "mental load" of making camp arrangements and doctor's appointments. If it's not hard why would you complain? I can't imagine a person who has ever worked hard in their life complaining about making a doctor's appointment. And yes whatever list of tasks you're about to turn out, I've done it all without any help. My wife works and plays board games with the kids and that's it.

Not true. - DW who is the primary breadwinner and an executive at a major corp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Ha.

My parents were married until my mother’s death. I have an amazing dad.

And no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody. He would have been standing at the door the moment his custody time started.

Whenever I hear about a woman “denying access” on this site, the details of the story are “man doesn’t want to follow court ordered agreement for time and money”

Bingo. Every man I’ve dated who claimed his xW denied access actually didn’t want his kids.

It’s been shocking how many men I’ve gone on a first date with, they start complaining how their ex wife blocks them from seeing their kids, and it comes out that they actually moved out of state, away from their kids! One guy was even angry his ex wife wouldn’t put their son on a plane every other weekend to go see him! I’m like sir, move back to your child or get your own butt on a plane twice a month to see him.

Or how many lose custody just from not even bothering. I knew one guy who said he was denied custody. I asked why. He said he had no idea. I asked if he hired an attorney, went to court, etc. He said no, he didn’t know you needed to do that. Basically his ex showed up to court, he didn’t, the judge granted her full custody. How do you not know you need to do these things? So many divorced men seem to think their ex wives should just “be cool” and skip over all the paperwork and legal processes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Ha.

My parents were married until my mother’s death. I have an amazing dad.

And no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody. He would have been standing at the door the moment his custody time started.

Whenever I hear about a woman “denying access” on this site, the details of the story are “man doesn’t want to follow court ordered agreement for time and money”

Bingo. Every man I’ve dated who claimed his xW denied access actually didn’t want his kids.

It’s been shocking how many men I’ve gone on a first date with, they start complaining how their ex wife blocks them from seeing their kids, and it comes out that they actually moved out of state, away from their kids! One guy was even angry his ex wife wouldn’t put their son on a plane every other weekend to go see him! I’m like sir, move back to your child or get your own butt on a plane twice a month to see him.

Or how many lose custody just from not even bothering. I knew one guy who said he was denied custody. I asked why. He said he had no idea. I asked if he hired an attorney, went to court, etc. He said no, he didn’t know you needed to do that. Basically his ex showed up to court, he didn’t, the judge granted her full custody. How do you not know you need to do these things? So many divorced men seem to think their ex wives should just “be cool” and skip over all the paperwork and legal processes.

He just didn’t want to spend money on lawyers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Ha.

My parents were married until my mother’s death. I have an amazing dad.

And no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody. He would have been standing at the door the moment his custody time started.

Whenever I hear about a woman “denying access” on this site, the details of the story are “man doesn’t want to follow court ordered agreement for time and money”

Bingo. Every man I’ve dated who claimed his xW denied access actually didn’t want his kids.

It’s been shocking how many men I’ve gone on a first date with, they start complaining how their ex wife blocks them from seeing their kids, and it comes out that they actually moved out of state, away from their kids! One guy was even angry his ex wife wouldn’t put their son on a plane every other weekend to go see him! I’m like sir, move back to your child or get your own butt on a plane twice a month to see him.

Or how many lose custody just from not even bothering. I knew one guy who said he was denied custody. I asked why. He said he had no idea. I asked if he hired an attorney, went to court, etc. He said no, he didn’t know you needed to do that. Basically his ex showed up to court, he didn’t, the judge granted her full custody. How do you not know you need to do these things? So many divorced men seem to think their ex wives should just “be cool” and skip over all the paperwork and legal processes.

He just didn’t want to spend money on lawyers

Sad that he didn’t think his children were worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's NYT's agenda?

Sell newspapers to democrats who lack critical thinking skills.

My current theory is that the political parties, utilizing big data, have identified gender as the next wedge issue, which is manifesting itself through media channels. As a man, I have noticed a significant uptick in "pro-men" / "men's advocacy" pieces targeted to me on social media platforms. I imagine for women there has been a corresponding increase in pro-women / women's advocacy pieces targeted to them. The social media platforms are pulling from, or contributing to, pieces in traditional media. It's all self-reinforcing. I'm trying to extract myself from the matrix because it feels so intentionally divisive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Ha.

My parents were married until my mother’s death. I have an amazing dad.

And no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody. He would have been standing at the door the moment his custody time started.

Whenever I hear about a woman “denying access” on this site, the details of the story are “man doesn’t want to follow court ordered agreement for time and money”

Bingo. Every man I’ve dated who claimed his xW denied access actually didn’t want his kids.

It’s been shocking how many men I’ve gone on a first date with, they start complaining how their ex wife blocks them from seeing their kids, and it comes out that they actually moved out of state, away from their kids! One guy was even angry his ex wife wouldn’t put their son on a plane every other weekend to go see him! I’m like sir, move back to your child or get your own butt on a plane twice a month to see him.

Or how many lose custody just from not even bothering. I knew one guy who said he was denied custody. I asked why. He said he had no idea. I asked if he hired an attorney, went to court, etc. He said no, he didn’t know you needed to do that. Basically his ex showed up to court, he didn’t, the judge granted her full custody. How do you not know you need to do these things? So many divorced men seem to think their ex wives should just “be cool” and skip over all the paperwork and legal processes.

No, wrong.

Wife denies access to kids, and eventually the guy gives up and moves on with his life.

It is absolutely false that "no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody." You can have theoretical 50/50 access and still be denied custody. You can "bother" all you want but in reality the courts do not enforce custody agreements. She ignores the custody agreement... you take her to court... the judge issues a court order that she ignores... and meanwhile she is eagerly turning the kids against you so she can make the case that "actually the kids want to stay with me not him". This can drag on for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you can have a kid on your own but depriving that kid of a mom or a dad is a selfish decision.

Something like 25% of kids are being raised without a father. I hope you admonish every dead beat loser who puts a check in the mail instead of being a father.

I hope you admonish every evil loser who denies her ex husband access to his kids just to spite him.

Right right. If you were actually a good dad you wouldn’t be “denied access”. Time to face the music, youre the deadbeat we’re talking about NOT settling for.

Women 100% deny access to good dads just to spite them.

Ha.

My parents were married until my mother’s death. I have an amazing dad.

And no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody. He would have been standing at the door the moment his custody time started.

Whenever I hear about a woman “denying access” on this site, the details of the story are “man doesn’t want to follow court ordered agreement for time and money”

Bingo. Every man I’ve dated who claimed his xW denied access actually didn’t want his kids.

It’s been shocking how many men I’ve gone on a first date with, they start complaining how their ex wife blocks them from seeing their kids, and it comes out that they actually moved out of state, away from their kids! One guy was even angry his ex wife wouldn’t put their son on a plane every other weekend to go see him! I’m like sir, move back to your child or get your own butt on a plane twice a month to see him.

Or how many lose custody just from not even bothering. I knew one guy who said he was denied custody. I asked why. He said he had no idea. I asked if he hired an attorney, went to court, etc. He said no, he didn’t know you needed to do that. Basically his ex showed up to court, he didn’t, the judge granted her full custody. How do you not know you need to do these things? So many divorced men seem to think their ex wives should just “be cool” and skip over all the paperwork and legal processes.

No, wrong.

Wife denies access to kids, and eventually the guy gives up and moves on with his life.

It is absolutely false that "no force on earth would have “denied him access” to his kids if they had been divorced with joint custody." You can have theoretical 50/50 access and still be denied custody. You can "bother" all you want but in reality the courts do not enforce custody agreements. She ignores the custody agreement... you take her to court... the judge issues a court order that she ignores... and meanwhile she is eagerly turning the kids against you so she can make the case that "actually the kids want to stay with me not him". This can drag on for years.

Sounds like you picked a wife poorly. Next time do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be a thematic series at the NYT:

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/21/magazine/men-heterofatalism-dating-relationships.html?unlocked_article_code=1.YU8.43pQ.EZ4bi1dHDtR_&smid=url-share

Men are just unable to operate in normal, grown up relationships - or at least that's what the these articles would have us believe.

Honestly, I think this is turning into a pretty tired trope. (guy here)

A lot of woman can't take the weaponized incompetence. "You told me to take down the xmas lights, but you did not tell me to put them away anywhere. How am I supposed to know??"

Men need to wash their own shiz and clean the house, too. They need to not say they are "babysitting" their own kids. They need to cook 50% of the time or more.

They need to hold the mental load of children's medical appts, dental appointments, school forms, field trip forms and dates, school volunteering possibilities, and carpooling if needed. They need to track the TeamSnap for the children's sports teams, bring the lasagna to the swim team potluck, and drive the kids back and forth to these events.

That's just a drop of what men need to start doing.

I researched ALL of the kid's summer camps, and it was very time consuming because I had to consider date, time, interests and distance for two kids with varying interests. Some of the camps were so popular that they'd fill up by January.

That was super time consuming, and then yea, the camp forms. I did this for 10+ years all while working FT.

Oh, and the birthday parties. I am not a good party planner; I don't like doing it, but I did it all. I start the discussions with my kids about what they want to do. I'd be happy with DH doing it but he doesn't think about these things until late.

I juggled kids' and my appointments, activities, etc.. DH just had to deal with himself.

I'm sure if I asked DH to do it, he would've, but the thing that bothers me is that I always had to ask. Doesn't appear to me that most dads think about kids stuff as much as moms do, or at least they only pickup things that interest them (which is like 5% of stuff that needs doing), like drivers' ed. DH did initiate that one because he likes cars.

I agree that moms take on more of the mental load than dads even if the dads do the cooking and other housechores. It's like they can just manage their own mental load, and that's about it. They certainly don't want to do the mundane things that are required. I don't even think a lot of dads even think about those mundane tasks.

Oh, and the college talk. More moms talk to their kids about the future and college than dads. That was also true in my case.

I am a man and I have always done everything you list here: summer activities, birthdays, appointments, extracurriculars, sports, schools, college, vacations, and more. Organized, planned, paid for.

It wasn't that hard. It wasn't exhausting. I didn't mind it at all.

This "mental load" stuff is just you deciding to be mad at your DH. If it wasn't this, it would be something else.

Who said it was hard? I said it's time consuming, but I never stated it was hard. You're making stuff up in your own head to excuse men.

And if it's not that hard, why don't more dads do it? They don't because, like I said, they don't want to do the mundane stuff.

Studies have shown that women, even those who work FT, still do the bulk of all that because men don't initiate. I think the only thing they want to initiate is sex. Everything else about life is left up to the wife to initiate.

Men don't do more because they work more hours than women, even when both are employed full time. When you add up paid and unpaid work, it evens out. Everybody is working about equally, on average.

Also, it's ludicrous to suggest that no one on this site says it's hard. It's a constant theme to complain about the "mental load" of making camp arrangements and doctor's appointments. If it's not hard why would you complain? I can't imagine a person who has ever worked hard in their life complaining about making a doctor's appointment. And yes whatever list of tasks you're about to turn out, I've done it all without any help. My wife works and plays board games with the kids and that's it.

Not true. - DW who is the primary breadwinner and an executive at a major corp

Guarantee she’s banging an alpha male on the side.