Are upper middle class family gatherings now just luxury travel pissing contests?

Anonymous
I didn't begin traveling much until my 30s (40s now).

My experience is that if you have some flex in planning, a trip to California and a trip to Italy can be similar in cost...like $4,500 vs $6K. So what I am noticing is that with globalization and things like flight alerts and credit card points, people who used to only do FL and CA and the Bahamas now do Costa Rica and Rome and London.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.


Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.


Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.


It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.
Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.


Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.


Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.


It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.
Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.
Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I didn't begin traveling much until my 30s (40s now).

My experience is that if you have some flex in planning, a trip to California and a trip to Italy can be similar in cost...like $4,500 vs $6K. So what I am noticing is that with globalization and things like flight alerts and credit card points, people who used to only do FL and CA and the Bahamas now do Costa Rica and Rome and London.


Same. Haven't been to the West Coast since before the pandemic 'cause it's just too expensive to fly out there. Why spend $700 on a trip to LA if I can go to CR for $450.
Anonymous
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Anonymous wrote:I think people are misinterpreting OP's complaint. I don't see OP saying that any discussion of travel should be avoided, but specifically that "pissing contests" over travel are annoying and unpleasant. To me this is a distinct thing. I love hearing about others' travels or whatever they've been up to that they are excited about (could be a recent trip to Japan or some new plantings in their garden or a new hobby or whatever). But I don't enjoy when family member or friends engage in pissing contests over anything but especially something like travel where this can easily devolve into who traveled the most or the furthest or went to the most impressive/rare place.

My family doesn't do this with travel but recently got into this pattern with charitable activity. Now I of course am very supportive of all their charitable activity! But some recent family gatherings have become weirdly competitive with people talking about their charitable activity in a competitive way and explicitly trying to top one another and impress one another with how much they are giving or volunteering. It's really weird!

My response to conversations like this is to not participate and look for ways to change the subject or exit the convo. It's the competitive vibe and one-upsmanship that is the problem, not the actual subject of conversation which is essentially neutral.


I’m a travel enthusiast. I don’t think it is a pissing contest when people share travel plans or stories. Maybe it sounds like this to a third party who isn’t engaging. I’m very passionate about travel and get excited talking about it.

We recently went to a Taylor swift concert. My daughter loves Taylor swift. I remember telling my daughter not to brag. She was so excited before and after the concert. She doesn’t know or care how much tickets cost. Her friends may have been also excited to go to Disney or their grandparents house in Michigan to spend with their cousins.


I’m confused. Why would someone brag about attending a Taylor Swift concert?


All of her friends like Taylor swift. Not everyone can drop 10k for a concert.


In this area? I’m surprised.


You obviously are not a TS fan or you would know that she didn’t come to DC. You had to travel to see her. Tickets have been sold out. You had to be lucky to get in a virtual queue to buy tickets. Most people pay thousands of dollars on the secondary market and pay peak travel prices and hotel. Have you not heard of the Taylor swift effect? She raises the economy wherever she goes.


I was in Europe for the summer and heard that getting tickets was no big deal. But I can’t imagine putting in the effort that you did to see an entertainer. And if I did, I can’t imagine having to caution my child not to brag about it. Rather, I think I would explain that we shouldn’t talk about it for fear of potential embarrassment for our unhinged obsession with an overrated entertainer.


You do realize she is currently the most popular artist in the world.

You must not have a tween/teen daughter. I took my elementary daughter and she will remember this concert for the rest of her life.

We were also in Europe and Asia this summer if that is your flex.


Not sure what “flex” means. Are you the tween? It’s sad you think a concert is a highlight of your daughter’s life. Aim higher PP. And let me guess? You visited Iceland, Portugal and Japan this year, just like every other wannabe in the DMV. What a cliche, the OP is right!


Imagine that, people do treat concerts and performances as the highlight of their lives. I saw Aretha Franklin perform live less than a year before her death. That's not a highlight? And what are you highlights, watching Commanders?


What are the Commanders?

DC-based football team. They suck.


Well there’s in the playoffs this year so
Anonymous
Travel-holics are only traveling to brag. The internet ruined everything because it removes the adventure aspect from even the most remote places. You can watch a video about your future plan trip to Nepal, the taxi you will take from the airport, watch a video about the Nepalese hostel you want to stay in, the sites you will see and the food you will eat. It both removes the mystery of the trip and the excitement of feeling like you are doing something very few others are doing. And every global city has been homogenized.

You saw some buildings, took a hike, and looked at some paintings. So what? You had some food at a hole in the wall off the beaten path? Wow, you sound just like Bourdain. There's not much food abroad that you can't find here in the states. All the destinations are crowded; hotels, airbnbs, and restaurants are scamming you. The show White Lotus captures this pretty well.

Mass traveling doesn't make you sophisticated, it should be much more stigmatized. Travel-holic NPC dweebs are ruining towns across the world.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn't begin traveling much until my 30s (40s now).

My experience is that if you have some flex in planning, a trip to California and a trip to Italy can be similar in cost...like $4,500 vs $6K. So what I am noticing is that with globalization and things like flight alerts and credit card points, people who used to only do FL and CA and the Bahamas now do Costa Rica and Rome and London.


Same. Haven't been to the West Coast since before the pandemic 'cause it's just too expensive to fly out there. Why spend $700 on a trip to LA if I can go to CR for $450.


So do it. But why must we all hear all about it?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.


Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.


Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.


It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.
Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.


Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.


You are being deliberately obtuse. There are ways to discuss these things without bragging. Do you really not know the difference? Or you just like arguing?
Anonymous
I hate when people leave me out of interesting conversations because I’m poor. I get it, some of my friends are rich. I’d like to hear about vacations just to get a take on a different part of the world and what and who they did while they were there. Also I don’t want to go everywhere, places where people hate Americans, I can take your word for it and don’t need to go. I like my friends and their stories. That’s why they’re my friends and if they got their groove back in a hot country I need to know all about it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn't begin traveling much until my 30s (40s now).

My experience is that if you have some flex in planning, a trip to California and a trip to Italy can be similar in cost...like $4,500 vs $6K. So what I am noticing is that with globalization and things like flight alerts and credit card points, people who used to only do FL and CA and the Bahamas now do Costa Rica and Rome and London.


Same. Haven't been to the West Coast since before the pandemic 'cause it's just too expensive to fly out there. Why spend $700 on a trip to LA if I can go to CR for $450.


So do it. But why must we all hear all about it?


Don't hear about it. Don't ask questions. Stare at your food and pray.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.


Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.


Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.


It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.
Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.


Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.


You are being deliberately obtuse. There are ways to discuss these things without bragging. Do you really not know the difference? Or you just like arguing?


Well, give me an example. "Susie, what are you doing for the holidays?" - Should I lie, stare at my food, not tell the truth of where I am going to make yourself feel better because you can't afford to go? I am dead serious, do you prefer that others lie about their lifestyles so that you are not offended?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Travel-holics are only traveling to brag. The internet ruined everything because it removes the adventure aspect from even the most remote places. You can watch a video about your future plan trip to Nepal, the taxi you will take from the airport, watch a video about the Nepalese hostel you want to stay in, the sites you will see and the food you will eat. It both removes the mystery of the trip and the excitement of feeling like you are doing something very few others are doing. And every global city has been homogenized.

You saw some buildings, took a hike, and looked at some paintings. So what? You had some food at a hole in the wall off the beaten path? Wow, you sound just like Bourdain. There's not much food abroad that you can't find here in the states. All the destinations are crowded; hotels, airbnbs, and restaurants are scamming you. The show White Lotus captures this pretty well.

Mass traveling doesn't make you sophisticated, it should be much more stigmatized. Travel-holic NPC dweebs are ruining towns across the world.


And what makes YOU sophisticated? Other than complaining?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I hate when people leave me out of interesting conversations because I’m poor. I get it, some of my friends are rich. I’d like to hear about vacations just to get a take on a different part of the world and what and who they did while they were there. Also I don’t want to go everywhere, places where people hate Americans, I can take your word for it and don’t need to go. I like my friends and their stories. That’s why they’re my friends and if they got their groove back in a hot country I need to know all about it.


There are a lot of places where they don't like Americans Americans don't always make the most cultured tourists. That said, just don't be like those tourists and all will be well.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My family will skimp on clothes (no brand names), our furniture is from IKEA, we drive economy cars, but we love to travel. Our main hobbies are scuba diving, hiking and mountain biking. So yes, we will "brag" and so do our friends. I don't understand homebodies, one can see the world on any budget.


Not any budget. Many people can barely afford to eat every day much less ever own a car and say they skimp by driving economy cars. I get your point even though your hobbies are somewhat expensive, but there are people that turn these activities into reflections that are tone deaf. Like the mom I met who said she appreciated the happiness of poor people and loveliness of being around animals after doing her 3rd safari tour staying in luxurious accommodations and being led by a guide.


Why all the shaming? So the mom can travel to her 3rd safari, so what? Why is everyone so offended all of a sudden? Did she steal her travel money? Or she should've not gone anywhere and "could've helped the less fortunate"?

Oh and "many people can barefly afford to eat every day"...no offense, but there are a lot of programs to feed the hungry. I regularly donate to our local food back and you should hear the stories about how picky some people are. There are free lunches at schools for those who qualify too.

Yes, my hobbies are expensive, I like them, I pay for them, I don't borrow or whine or b*** about how expensive things are. I'd rather travel the world than sit on my ass whining.


It's not that. It's pretending you are very thrifty when you are only thrifty about some things and make up for it with luxury on others. You are discriminating with money, not thrifty just because you don't buy luxury everything. It's pretending that the people who greet you on Safari are happy being poor when it's literally their job to be happy and welcoming and likely they could be struggling a lot. It's romanticizing poverty and acting like you understand the people just because you met some of them at a tourist destination.

You sound tone deaf on the affordability of America and the world and not someone who can understand why not everyone can afford a trip if they just save a little bit buy not buying luxury for everything.
Ugh. So I should give up my "wants" to make you or the "rest of the world" feel better about themselves? So let's stop travel. Altogether. Let's make sure countries who live off hospitality industry don't make a dime off "the rich and spoiled and tone deaf" Americans or Europeans. By the way, how much are you donating to the poor? How are you fixing poverty? Don't be shy, it is an anonymous forum after all.

Do you really think people believe you are counting change when you go on these exotic trips just because you don't buy a luxury car? Just own up that these are luxury items and have some understanding that not everyone can afford these or thinks you are special because you went on these trips. If you think you are more worldly than other family members just because you met some person on a mountain biking trip across the world that you could have just met at the metro here than that is being pretentious. I'm sure the people who like mountain biking find these trips much more interesting than the people who like other activities. You gained intelligence in mountain biking more than into other cultures. Gauge the room is all. You are probably just as bored at listening to the person who stayed here and did a staycation in DC as they are of your mountain biking trip in the alps. There is only so much that is relatable and that either party wants to hear.


Yes, let's all sit quietly at the dinner table because someone will get offended that I went on a trip or that a cousin bought a car or that a nephew got into college. Let's all be quiet.


You are being deliberately obtuse. There are ways to discuss these things without bragging. Do you really not know the difference? Or you just like arguing?


Well, give me an example. "Susie, what are you doing for the holidays?" - Should I lie, stare at my food, not tell the truth of where I am going to make yourself feel better because you can't afford to go? I am dead serious, do you prefer that others lie about their lifestyles so that you are not offended?


Them: What are you doing for the holidays?

You: We are taking the family to Costa Rica!

Them: Oh that's nice! What will you do there?

You: Visit the beach, do a zipline maybe. (This is the part where you don't need to give braggy details)

Them: Oh cool!

You: What about you guys? Will your mom be visiting again? (Change the subject back to them)

This is simply how polite, mannered conversation works. You do not talk too much about yourself.
Anonymous
It's not even that. The zipline could be expanded but again it's a generic thing to do even in this area. It's then taking it to say something like: "I really love a vacation that is so ecofriendly rather than just opening gifts around the tree."
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