What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

Quite the opposite. Women do not talk like you

You sound bitter and miserable. Seek therapy hon.

You’re the one who can’t comprehend that a lot of women are thrilled about being single and childfree. Somehow, you think we’d be happier in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

But who was looking for a spouse when they were a teen? I sure wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

Quite the opposite. Women do not talk like you

You sound bitter and miserable. Seek therapy hon.

You’re the one who can’t comprehend that a lot of women are thrilled about being single and childfree. Somehow, you think we’d be happier in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant.

You have terrible reading comprehension. If you read what I wrote, I said both suffer from loneliness. It's sad that women like you are so bitter these days can't even hold a civilized discussion without jumping to emotional conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

It reminds me of Houellebecq’s Elementary Particles, a book about the tragic lives of men and women who grew old in the post-sexual revolution world. On aging alone:
"The whole spiritual thing makes the pickup lines less brutal. Men who grow old have it easier than older women. They drink cheap booze and fall asleep, their breath stinks, then they wake up and start all over again; they tend to die young. Women take tranquilizers, go to yoga classes, see a shrink; they live a lot longer and suffer more. They try to trade on their looks, even when they know their bodies are sad and ugly. They get hurt but they do it anyway, because they can't give up the need to be loved.”

[Anonymous]

Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

But who was looking for a spouse when they were a teen? I sure wasn’t.

Aren’t we always looking for the one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

Socialize them in coed activities and schooling from a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

Socialize them in coed activities and schooling from a young age.

Would you say it's important for them to have good role models? I'm an introvert by nature. Hard for me to find good mentors for them interact with. It doesn't help that they're not sports oriented. Boys are 7 and 9. I'm 41.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

Socialize them in coed activities and schooling from a young age.

Off topic, but the incel thing always fascinated me because believe me, these men are NOT involuntarily celibate, they are voluntarily celibate. They insist they deserve the attention of the top ten women without bringing to the table anything top ten women are looking for. At the same time, there are tons of women "in their own league" with whom they could be most fortunately coupled. But they don't want to look at the average, they insist on top ten. I mean I could have called myself an incel if I insisted that I positively absolutely want only George Clooney and no one else on the planet would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

Socialize them in coed activities and schooling from a young age.

Would you say it's important for them to have good role models? I'm an introvert by nature. Hard for me to find good mentors for them interact with. It doesn't help that they're not sports oriented. Boys are 7 and 9. I'm 41.

Yes, that is important as well.

While they’re young, make sure you stay involved in their choices of entertainment I.e. which websites, tv shows, posters, books they are gravitating towards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

Socialize them in coed activities and schooling from a young age.

Off topic, but the incel thing always fascinated me because believe me, these men are NOT involuntarily celibate, they are voluntarily celibate. They insist they deserve the attention of the top ten women without bringing to the table anything top ten women are looking for. At the same time, there are tons of women "in their own league" with whom they could be most fortunately coupled. But they don't want to look at the average, they insist on top ten. I mean I could have called myself an incel if I insisted that I positively absolutely want only George Clooney and no one else on the planet would do.

No that is not it. There are plenty men who DCUM would consider “losers” who are married or have girlfriends. Mental disorder is a contributory factor- depression, autism and personality disorder are particularly relevant. Would you want to date someone with personality disorder? This is why they are single and have no friends. It is social isolation which morphs into resentment and hate for people they see as normal. Incel hate women and men who have normal relationships because they are unable to have a normal relationship. If you interact with one you will know right away something is not right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

Lol yes! Everyone around you is happy and married but you are single and have wasted your 20’s because men suck. What an incel world view.

Because all married people are happy! Have you read most of the Relationship threads?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Incel men are obsessed with feeling needed, including for the purposes of reproduction, which is why they tend to be anti-LGBTQ and oppose single women having kids via donor eggs. They don’t understand that they suck so bad than women would rather be single moms, divorced or marry other women rather than partner with them. We are entering a world in which men are unnecessary.

The incel phenomenon baffles me. When did it become a thing? I'm a single mom raising two boys. How do I prevent them from becoming incels?

Michel Houellebecq perfectly explained how modern society disenfranchises some young men. Just like any free market, a liberalized sexual marketplace has winners and losers.

[…] in societies like ours sex truly represents a second system of differentiation, completely independent of money; and as a system of differentiation it functions just as mercilessly. The effects of these two systems are, furthermore, strictly equivalent. Just like unrestrained economic liberalism, and for similar reasons, sexual liberalism produces phenomena of absolute pauperization. Some men make love every day; others five or six times in their life, or never. Some make love with dozens of women; others with none. It's what's known as `the law of the market'. In an economic system where unfair dismissal is prohibited, every person more or less manages to find their place. In a sexual system where adultery is prohibited, every person more or less manages to find their bed mate. In a totally liberal sexual system certain people have a varied and exciting erotic life; others are reduced to masturbation and solitude. Economic liberalism is an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society. Sexual liberalism is likewise an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society. […] Certain people win on both levels; others lose on both.

https://incels.wiki/w/Michel_Houellebecq

The solution is to love and accept your sons. Some boys are taught that they are only have value for their ability to make money and satisfy others.

As a boy, I fought with my sister for the affection of our puppy. I felt that an innocent puppy was an impartial judge of character. Yes, the same puppy that sniffed butts and rolled in poop. In the same way, some boys are taught that women are pure, and the clitoris is a judge of your worthiness. Boys need to be raised with self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

@above poster

Thanks for sharing the quote. It makes sense (I studied economics in college). But, not sure how providing love and the best environment possible will help boys if they are rejected by girls for their looks or their inherent personality.