Anyone watching Maid on Netflix?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I liked it too but found it not that believable. Did anyone else notice that her 2 yr old is perfect and amidst all the chaos only cried when shmariel flew out the window? Must be nice.

It’s that way in many shows, kids are quieter than IRL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved this show EXCEPT it totally annoyed me she didn't treat the guy (can't remember his name) better -- the guy who had a thing for her who took her in. He clearly cared for her, was a great guy AND was her ticket out of poverty!

I agree but for a different reason. She didn't owe him anything back just because he was nice to her. She didn't have to fall for him just because he could have rescued her. I was disappointed the series didn't have her get with him because SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM. I can see if she wasn't...but she was.

I grew up white trash and this made perfect sense to me. WT girls are warned by their moms and neighbors to never rely on a man. It's seen as a path that is very likely to fail, although tempting because it solves immediate issues like housing, food, and in some cases even healthcare.

The way that works is investing in yourself with skills or education, or the military. It makes sense based on the main character's background and culture that she would avoid another relationship, even with a nice man.

When I was in my 20s, men were the siren song, tempting me with an easy way out. On a couple occasions, well established middle class men in their 30s would offer for me to live with them. I lived in this $200/month room with a shared bathroom in an out of the way part of town. They couldn't really understand why I said no, and I was too freaked out by the fact they didn't even want to date before living together. It didn't bode well. As I got more established, I received similar offers but then it came from rich men- and one exceptionally rich men. In retrospect, these were the sort of offers it may have been okay to consider (the extremely rich man said I would have an apartment and we would date and he would wait for me to fall in love with him). But I could never shake the need to establish myself and not rely on anyone financially, so I avoided any relationship that entailed financial or material support or help.

I am sorry but I find it hard to believe. Most WT-like women I encounter had a child or kids early and end up depending on their dad(s) to some extent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved this series.
It focused on how the system really does not encourage single mothers to get ahead and find prosperity.
It seems welfare is a trap that the government uses to keep people from doing better.

Agreed. And even the happy ending is a farce. Notice how they sneak in a few mentions of Alex taking out student loans to go to college. When she graduates, she’s going to struggle with that albatross like most millennials.

It never ends. The American system is set up so that breaking out of poverty is an anomaly. There are roadblocks every step of the way.

Land of opportunity my a$$, this country is a playground for the rich.

Her second book, out in 2022, focuses on still being in poverty and paying for college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved this show EXCEPT it totally annoyed me she didn't treat the guy (can't remember his name) better -- the guy who had a thing for her who took her in. He clearly cared for her, was a great guy AND was her ticket out of poverty!

I agree but for a different reason. She didn't owe him anything back just because he was nice to her. She didn't have to fall for him just because he could have rescued her. I was disappointed the series didn't have her get with him because SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM. I can see if she wasn't...but she was.

I grew up white trash and this made perfect sense to me. WT girls are warned by their moms and neighbors to never rely on a man. It's seen as a path that is very likely to fail, although tempting because it solves immediate issues like housing, food, and in some cases even healthcare.

The way that works is investing in yourself with skills or education, or the military. It makes sense based on the main character's background and culture that she would avoid another relationship, even with a nice man.

When I was in my 20s, men were the siren song, tempting me with an easy way out. On a couple occasions, well established middle class men in their 30s would offer for me to live with them. I lived in this $200/month room with a shared bathroom in an out of the way part of town. They couldn't really understand why I said no, and I was too freaked out by the fact they didn't even want to date before living together. It didn't bode well. As I got more established, I received similar offers but then it came from rich men- and one exceptionally rich men. In retrospect, these were the sort of offers it may have been okay to consider (the extremely rich man said I would have an apartment and we would date and he would wait for me to fall in love with him). But I could never shake the need to establish myself and not rely on anyone financially, so I avoided any relationship that entailed financial or material support or help.

I am sorry but I find it hard to believe. Most WT-like women I encounter had a child or kids early and end up depending on their dad(s) to some extent.

That's because the people you know that grew up WT will never tell you. I don't tell anyone. You probably know plenty, but you don't know their backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

I find it surprising how many people find this unrealistic. I have not been in a situation this bad, thankfully, but the elements are all familiar. This story is a severe example because it's everything all at once -- family with serious mental illness, domestic abuse (both her dad and her BF), controlling partner, small child who needs childcare, no college degree so limited work options, and a social welfare and legal systems that make it incredibly hard to access assistance.

Setting matters too. She is living in an isolated place with few opportunities. There is virtually no public transportation, so she is reliant on a car and this becomes a central feature of her life and an easy way for others to control her situation, which is so common for people in more rural communities who experience poverty, domestic abuse, unemployment, etc. Urban areas come with their own challenges, but the isolation of rural and small town poverty is like this. Your options are so very limited.

I also think it's very realistic how her fear of and desire to distance herself from both her dad and her ex-BF is well grounded but challenging to "prove" or explain to others. This is such a common feature of DV situations. The conversations she has at the DV shelter near the beginning of the series are on the nose but really accurate. Of course punching a wall near your head is abuse, and of course it instills in you a fear of getting hit in the future. Of course a partner who will not allow you to work, or who removes access to a cell phone or other forms of independence is abusive -- they are claiming ownership over your time and activities, controlling your opportunities. It's so common. But it's easy for people to dismiss this as situationally normal -- oh, he's just old fashioned and wants to be a provider, it makes sense for you to stay home, a cell phone is a luxury (you hear that especially from older generations who genuinely believe access to something like a cell phone or a car is unnecessary), etc.

There's obviously a lot of artistic license used to heighten the storytelling. I found everything with Regina (the rich woman she works for) to be very unrealistic but designed to highlight certain character points and to create more dramatic tension. Some of the misfortune she encounters happens in such quick succession as to be almost comical, but even if it's not realistic that her mom would show up homeless AND her ex would fall off the wagon AND she would be evicted all within 24 hours, it is common for events like that to happen fairly close together and really narrow choices.

Anyway, I've worked as a counselor and legal counsel for individuals in DV situations and so much of this story resonated with me. Language around "personal responsibility" can be so tone deaf when you are talking about people for whom a lot of decisions are taken away or never offered because of things like the family they were born into. And yes, once you have a child with an abuser, everything gets hard, including leaving. The show really perfectly demonstrates the catch 22 that women with young kids are in with regards to childcare, work, social welfare benefits (which have work requirements in many states), and trying to stay away from the abuser. And DV survivors are very often also survivors of childhood abuse or have unstable families of origin as depicted in the show. It's so common for these things to snowball in this way.

I have found the show incredibly hard to watch but I hope that it offers comfort and validation for others, and might open of the eyes of people who don't understand how difficult these situations are. We could be doing a lot more as a society to help people in this situation, and in doing so could facilitate breaking the cycle of poverty and DV. I agree her daughter's calm and easy demeanor is unrealistic, but I think that's intentional. It's meant to be ominous. Her child is young and innocent. How is all this impacting her? IRL you'd see how it was impacting her immediately. On the show, you are left to wonder. She is taking it all in. What is she learning about herself and her place in the world? As a society, we could help teach different lessons and choose not to. That's on us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it surprising how many people find this unrealistic. I have not been in a situation this bad, thankfully, but the elements are all familiar. This story is a severe example because it's everything all at once -- family with serious mental illness, domestic abuse (both her dad and her BF), controlling partner, small child who needs childcare, no college degree so limited work options, and a social welfare and legal systems that make it incredibly hard to access assistance.

Setting matters too. She is living in an isolated place with few opportunities. There is virtually no public transportation, so she is reliant on a car and this becomes a central feature of her life and an easy way for others to control her situation, which is so common for people in more rural communities who experience poverty, domestic abuse, unemployment, etc. Urban areas come with their own challenges, but the isolation of rural and small town poverty is like this. Your options are so very limited.

I also think it's very realistic how her fear of and desire to distance herself from both her dad and her ex-BF is well grounded but challenging to "prove" or explain to others. This is such a common feature of DV situations. The conversations she has at the DV shelter near the beginning of the series are on the nose but really accurate. Of course punching a wall near your head is abuse, and of course it instills in you a fear of getting hit in the future. Of course a partner who will not allow you to work, or who removes access to a cell phone or other forms of independence is abusive -- they are claiming ownership over your time and activities, controlling your opportunities. It's so common. But it's easy for people to dismiss this as situationally normal -- oh, he's just old fashioned and wants to be a provider, it makes sense for you to stay home, a cell phone is a luxury (you hear that especially from older generations who genuinely believe access to something like a cell phone or a car is unnecessary), etc.

There's obviously a lot of artistic license used to heighten the storytelling. I found everything with Regina (the rich woman she works for) to be very unrealistic but designed to highlight certain character points and to create more dramatic tension. Some of the misfortune she encounters happens in such quick succession as to be almost comical, but even if it's not realistic that her mom would show up homeless AND her ex would fall off the wagon AND she would be evicted all within 24 hours, it is common for events like that to happen fairly close together and really narrow choices.

Anyway, I've worked as a counselor and legal counsel for individuals in DV situations and so much of this story resonated with me. Language around "personal responsibility" can be so tone deaf when you are talking about people for whom a lot of decisions are taken away or never offered because of things like the family they were born into. And yes, once you have a child with an abuser, everything gets hard, including leaving. The show really perfectly demonstrates the catch 22 that women with young kids are in with regards to childcare, work, social welfare benefits (which have work requirements in many states), and trying to stay away from the abuser. And DV survivors are very often also survivors of childhood abuse or have unstable families of origin as depicted in the show. It's so common for these things to snowball in this way.

I have found the show incredibly hard to watch but I hope that it offers comfort and validation for others, and might open of the eyes of people who don't understand how difficult these situations are. We could be doing a lot more as a society to help people in this situation, and in doing so could facilitate breaking the cycle of poverty and DV. I agree her daughter's calm and easy demeanor is unrealistic, but I think that's intentional. It's meant to be ominous. Her child is young and innocent. How is all this impacting her? IRL you'd see how it was impacting her immediately. On the show, you are left to wonder. She is taking it all in. What is she learning about herself and her place in the world? As a society, we could help teach different lessons and choose not to. That's on us.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

I found this story very compelling and parts of it to be so absolutely spot on.

The Paula character was overacted for sure, but they absolutely nailed the disorganized thinking, grandiosity, and impulsiveness of BPD and how impossible it is to help someone who is manic.

The scenes where you can see Alex dissociating, especially when someone is saying no to her, or you need to leave and she is impassive even though her world is collapsing are so spot on for trauma and DV survivors I have known.

The impossibility of getting by on government assistance and how you can't ever get ahead - the cost of every little thing (gas, daycare, a new dollar store barbie) and something so tiny like the $6 ice creams could represent a giant setback for the week. The scenes at the gas pump where she is watching so closely not to go over are killer and so spot on.

A big F-U to the person who was harping on about her working under the table and defrauding the government. The whole point of the show is how she is working her a$$ off, showing up on time, not stealing, taking the worst of the cleaning while the other lady rests and yet she STILL can't find a place that is safe and clean for them to live and find reliable child care. Of course she is hustling to get her kid into a good preschool and get some cash in hand so she can try to make through the next day. The fact that we idolize entrepreneurs for being opportunistic and driven and shame poor people for using the available resources and trying to build a life for their child is everything that's wrong with this country.

[Anonymous]

Yawn. Black women have been living this life for generations and no one makes a show about it or feels sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yawn. Black women have been living this life for generations and no one makes a show about it or feels sorry for them.

When I watched this show, I didn’t think, “Oh, poor young white girl.” I thought, “DV sucks, being a single and uneducated woman sucks, I can’t imagine having to work so hard and it still not being enough, what should I be doing to help” and so on. And the the group setting made it clear it was a story about any woman, not just one race, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found this story very compelling and parts of it to be so absolutely spot on.

The Paula character was overacted for sure, but they absolutely nailed the disorganized thinking, grandiosity, and impulsiveness of BPD and how impossible it is to help someone who is manic.

The scenes where you can see Alex dissociating, especially when someone is saying no to her, or you need to leave and she is impassive even though her world is collapsing are so spot on for trauma and DV survivors I have known.

The impossibility of getting by on government assistance and how you can't ever get ahead - the cost of every little thing (gas, daycare, a new dollar store barbie) and something so tiny like the $6 ice creams could represent a giant setback for the week. The scenes at the gas pump where she is watching so closely not to go over are killer and so spot on.

A big F-U to the person who was harping on about her working under the table and defrauding the government. The whole point of the show is how she is working her a$$ off, showing up on time, not stealing, taking the worst of the cleaning while the other lady rests and yet she STILL can't find a place that is safe and clean for them to live and find reliable child care. Of course she is hustling to get her kid into a good preschool and get some cash in hand so she can try to make through the next day. The fact that we idolize entrepreneurs for being opportunistic and driven and shame poor people for using the available resources and trying to build a life for their child is everything that's wrong with this country.

Well said!

[Anonymous]

When Sean returned the car to Nate without Alex knowing, why didn’t Alex try to go back there and explain to Nate what happened? I feel like he would have given it back to her. He knew how much she depended on the car to have a job and he hated Sean.

[Anonymous]

All I could think the entire time I watched this was “Having a kid was the biggest mistake she ever made.” Period.

Minus the kid, all her problems are solved with a bus ticket far, far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I could think the entire time I watched this was “Having a kid was the biggest mistake she ever made.” Period.

Minus the kid, all her problems are solved with a bus ticket far, far away.

And then she had a second one in college.

[Anonymous]

That show was a masterpiece. The writing, storytelling, acting, cinematography.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I could think the entire time I watched this was “Having a kid was the biggest mistake she ever made.” Period.

Minus the kid, all her problems are solved with a bus ticket far, far away.

And then she had a second one in college.

It would have made sense for her to give the child up for adoption. Have someone raise the child that she has no money for.