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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it surprising how many people find this unrealistic. I have not been in a situation this bad, thankfully, but the elements are all familiar. This story is a severe example because it's everything all at once -- family with serious mental illness, domestic abuse (both her dad and her BF), controlling partner, small child who needs childcare, no college degree so limited work options, and a social welfare and legal systems that make it incredibly hard to access assistance.

Setting matters too. She is living in an isolated place with few opportunities. There is virtually no public transportation, so she is reliant on a car and this becomes a central feature of her life and an easy way for others to control her situation, which is so common for people in more rural communities who experience poverty, domestic abuse, unemployment, etc. Urban areas come with their own challenges, but the isolation of rural and small town poverty is like this. Your options are so very limited.

I also think it's very realistic how her fear of and desire to distance herself from both her dad and her ex-BF is well grounded but challenging to "prove" or explain to others. This is such a common feature of DV situations. The conversations she has at the DV shelter near the beginning of the series are on the nose but really accurate. Of course punching a wall near your head is abuse, and of course it instills in you a fear of getting hit in the future. Of course a partner who will not allow you to work, or who removes access to a cell phone or other forms of independence is abusive -- they are claiming ownership over your time and activities, controlling your opportunities. It's so common. But it's easy for people to dismiss this as situationally normal -- oh, he's just old fashioned and wants to be a provider, it makes sense for you to stay home, a cell phone is a luxury (you hear that especially from older generations who genuinely believe access to something like a cell phone or a car is unnecessary), etc.

There's obviously a lot of artistic license used to heighten the storytelling. I found everything with Regina (the rich woman she works for) to be very unrealistic but designed to highlight certain character points and to create more dramatic tension. Some of the misfortune she encounters happens in such quick succession as to be almost comical, but even if it's not realistic that her mom would show up homeless AND her ex would fall off the wagon AND she would be evicted all within 24 hours, it is common for events like that to happen fairly close together and really narrow choices.

Anyway, I've worked as a counselor and legal counsel for individuals in DV situations and so much of this story resonated with me. Language around "personal responsibility" can be so tone deaf when you are talking about people for whom a lot of decisions are taken away or never offered because of things like the family they were born into. And yes, once you have a child with an abuser, everything gets hard, including leaving. The show really perfectly demonstrates the catch 22 that women with young kids are in with regards to childcare, work, social welfare benefits (which have work requirements in many states), and trying to stay away from the abuser. And DV survivors are very often also survivors of childhood abuse or have unstable families of origin as depicted in the show. It's so common for these things to snowball in this way.

I have found the show incredibly hard to watch but I hope that it offers comfort and validation for others, and might open of the eyes of people who don't understand how difficult these situations are. We could be doing a lot more as a society to help people in this situation, and in doing so could facilitate breaking the cycle of poverty and DV. I agree her daughter's calm and easy demeanor is unrealistic, but I think that's intentional. It's meant to be ominous. Her child is young and innocent. How is all this impacting her? IRL you'd see how it was impacting her immediately. On the show, you are left to wonder. She is taking it all in. What is she learning about herself and her place in the world? As a society, we could help teach different lessons and choose not to. That's on us.[/quote]

Well said.[/quote]

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