Preschool teacher recommends developmental evaluation of 3 year old

[Anonymous]

Jumping in here on the I know it's too early side with a question:

3.25 year old DS is in part-time preschool for the first time this year after having been home with a nanny since he was 5 months old (meaning this is his first experience with group care of any kind, let alone in a "school" setting). At our parent-teacher conference 6 weeks ago his teacher told us that he tends to be a "flitter," wandering from activity to activity without settling and focusing on any one thing for very long. She said that at circle time they've accommodated him by giving him a weighted bean bag to hold in his lap, which has proven really useful. Because he's also started chewing his clothing (new this year since he started school), she recommended that we get him a chewy necklace to help him "organize himself."

Tonight she wrote us to ask if we could make sure she has an extra couple of necklaces at school, because without them he has trouble focusing "for more than a few seconds." I will say that she is somewhat notorious among parents for not having the best e-mail communications, and I tend to think this is an exaggeration based on everything I observe about him. (He chews at home, but not constantly by any means; it seems to be something he's more compelled to do in class.) When we responded and asked if she had concerns about his attention relative to her peers--and whether we should have him observed by the school's developmental coordinator--she agreed that it would be worth getting another opinion on how best to support him. Though her e-mail was otherwise very reassuring, telling us how sweet, curious, smart and friendly he is, I admit it totally tweaked me.

I know my kid is high energy. He's definitely very active and he's certainly on the fidgety side. The chewing thing is new, and I admit we find it weird. But there are many areas where his attention is great: he can sit and listen to 25+minute long stories read aloud, and will happily sit for 30-45 minutes with rapt attention at any kind of musical performance. He'll play independently in his room for at least this long, putting CDs on his stereo and sometimes just sitting quietly listening to them. He's easy-going, rarely has tantrums, is almost never aggressive or defiant, and his worst discipline issue is that he doesn't listen right away if we tell him he needs to stop doing something that might hurt himself or others. That said, he's not a kid who plays with toys really, nor has he ever been. He won't sit with Legos or trains or Little People and while his time away. He's super, super verbal and has a phenomenal retention of people, words, and experiences, even from 6 or more months ago.

But we're worried, and no one likes to hear from a professional educator that their kid needs additional evaluation. Understanding that diagnosis of any kind isn't reliable until at least 4, does anyone here have advice, reassurance or thoughts they could share? For what it's worth, my brother-in-law (my husband's brother, adopted, so there's not a bio link) has ADHD, and my husband, who lived with the significant behavioral issues and disruption he experienced, feels that there's no comparison. But still, it's tough to hear about your kid, you know?

Advice, thoughts, commiseration or feedback welcomed.

[Anonymous]

OP, go read my thread on the schools forum as food for thought. DO NOT DO THIS. Your DS is too young, and he's just had a major transition. Do not let these people bully you into this bullshit. Your kid sounds fine.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/284341.page

[Anonymous]

OP, the only one who can diagnose your child with anything, is a doctor. Teachers are not doctors. If you are worried, pursue a medical evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, 09:55. I just responded to your post too! I hate the idea of such early labeling and intervention, and feel strongly that there is a wide range of normal at this age.

[Anonymous]

Take him to a developmental pediatrician. The wait is long so sign up now. It sounds like your son, whether or not he has anything, needs help with issues like chewing, sensory, etc. Whatever you do, don't stick your head in the sand and not do anything. Get your kid some help.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't panic at the suggestion. My DS has a chewy necklace and it actually does help him organize himself. He got it from his OT, who he LOVES and who has really helped him with his sensory needs and with his fine motor skills. He's in K, and early intervention in the preschool years have made this transition to a more sedentary classroom experience less challenging than it would have been without the services that he received.

A developmental evaluation can really help you identify anything that might get in the way of your child's success in a school setting before it becomes a problem.

A child who has these special needs isn't labeled and treated differently from other children - they just get more attention and services to ensure that they can keep up and not fall behind. A preschool teacher has a lot of experience with children, and may see something that you do not. Instead of feeling like she has identified your child as defective, appreciate that what she wants to do is to ensure your child's future success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't panic at the suggestion. My DS has a chewy necklace and it actually does help him organize himself. He got it from his OT, who he LOVES and who has really helped him with his sensory needs and with his fine motor skills. He's in K, and early intervention in the preschool years have made this transition to a more sedentary classroom experience less challenging than it would have been without the services that he received.

A developmental evaluation can really help you identify anything that might get in the way of your child's success in a school setting before it becomes a problem.

A child who has these special needs isn't labeled and treated differently from other children - they just get more attention and services to ensure that they can keep up and not fall behind. A preschool teacher has a lot of experience with children, and may see something that you do not. Instead of feeling like she has identified your child as defective, appreciate that what she wants to do is to ensure your child's future success.

OP of the other post here. I appreciate everything you are saying, but you have to be able to trust in the process. It sounds like you had a better experience that we are having, and I'm glad for you. But I am not alone in thinking that so many of these specialists, consultants, etc etc are basically idiots who have no idea what they are doing. You need to trust that the people you are working with know what they are doing and that their methods are developmentally appropriate, and you can't just assume that they do.

[Anonymous]

OP - your DS is 3.5! Please dont jump to conclusions. So what he's high-energy. all the stuff you described sounds totally normal to me. No way that an eval could tell you something accurate at that age anyhow.

Also, pre-school teachers are NT doctors and many are not even certified. Tell her thank you and that you will take her suggestions under consideration, and find a montessori school in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Or a school with a small teacher to student ratio where he will get more attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't panic at the suggestion. My DS has a chewy necklace and it actually does help him organize himself. He got it from his OT, who he LOVES and who has really helped him with his sensory needs and with his fine motor skills. He's in K, and early intervention in the preschool years have made this transition to a more sedentary classroom experience less challenging than it would have been without the services that he received.

A developmental evaluation can really help you identify anything that might get in the way of your child's success in a school setting before it becomes a problem.

A child who has these special needs isn't labeled and treated differently from other children - they just get more attention and services to ensure that they can keep up and not fall behind. A preschool teacher has a lot of experience with children, and may see something that you do not. Instead of feeling like she has identified your child as defective, appreciate that what she wants to do is to ensure your child's future success.

OP of the other post here. I appreciate everything you are saying, but you have to be able to trust in the process. It sounds like you had a better experience that we are having, and I'm glad for you. But I am not alone in thinking that so many of these specialists, consultants, etc etc are basically idiots who have no idea what they are doing. You need to trust that the people you are working with know what they are doing and that their methods are developmentally appropriate, and you can't just assume that they do.

I read your thread on the DC Public and Charters forum. So your child is getting an IEP... yours is the first thread I've ever come across where someone is getting an IEP and complaining about getting one. You can always turn it down and free up services for people who really want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't panic at the suggestion. My DS has a chewy necklace and it actually does help him organize himself. He got it from his OT, who he LOVES and who has really helped him with his sensory needs and with his fine motor skills. He's in K, and early intervention in the preschool years have made this transition to a more sedentary classroom experience less challenging than it would have been without the services that he received.

A developmental evaluation can really help you identify anything that might get in the way of your child's success in a school setting before it becomes a problem.

A child who has these special needs isn't labeled and treated differently from other children - they just get more attention and services to ensure that they can keep up and not fall behind. A preschool teacher has a lot of experience with children, and may see something that you do not. Instead of feeling like she has identified your child as defective, appreciate that what she wants to do is to ensure your child's future success.

OP of the other post here. I appreciate everything you are saying, but you have to be able to trust in the process. It sounds like you had a better experience that we are having, and I'm glad for you. But I am not alone in thinking that so many of these specialists, consultants, etc etc are basically idiots who have no idea what they are doing. You need to trust that the people you are working with know what they are doing and that their methods are developmentally appropriate, and you can't just assume that they do.

I read your thread on the DC Public and Charters forum. So your child is getting an IEP... yours is the first thread I've ever come across where someone is getting an IEP and complaining about getting one. You can always turn it down and free up services for people who really want them.

I am not complaining about the IEP. You have totally missed my point. I am raising concerns about their methods and the use of developmentally inappropriate tests to evaluate my son.

[Anonymous]

The evaluation is what got you the IEP. If you disagree with it, get another one privately. It sounds like you disagree with the evaluation and therefore you feel the IEP is not necessary.

[Anonymous]

I, for one, resent PP 10:33 calling specialists as "idiots", "quacks", etc. Changing schools will not change problems. It is better to address whatever issues your DC has now than when he goes to K, bombarded with homework, peer pressure, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, you were the one who suggested the evaluation and you are upset that the teacher agreed. I don't see why you are resentful of that. It sounds like all the teacher has done is some trouble shooting about how to help your DC at school, and she's been fairly successful at that. I don't see how she has crossed a line or even gotten close to one.

I have to strongly disagree with the posters who say this is too young for an evaluation and to worry about labels. The whole "label" thing does a great disservice to our kids. Either they have a diagnosis -- in which case, great you know what you are dealing with -- or they don't have a diagnosis because one doesn't apply -- in which case even better. These are not "labels", these are medical diagnoses.

Either get an evaluation or don't. The issue isn't the teacher, the issue is what you do with the information you get from her, especially since she's not being particularly aggressive about it. Don't get defensive about this, she hasn't done anything wrong.

I was told to get an evaluation by my DS' preschool. I was angry and ranted that they were pathologizing normal behavior. Eventually time passed and it clearly wasn't normal behavior and we did get an evaluation and my DS has Aspergers. The school had not suggested a diagnosis, they had just suggested an evaluation. And they were right.

There's a lot of anger in this thread towards teachers and clinicians but I have to tell you that teachers and clinicians have been the heros of my DS' life.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and 3.5 is not too young for an evaluation. the earlier, the better.