Preschool teacher recommends developmental evaluation of 3 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here with the young adult daughter who sounds like OPs child. . My DD did not choose to play much with Legos or a lot of traditional toys. Loved books and music and later, writing. Loved the outdoors. But no blocks ... Or Legos ... Or puzzles. That was just her. She had an incredible memory for things she had heard or seen. Still does.

If I had had your preschool teacher, I am SURE we would have been told to get an evaluation as well.

With all due respect, you are talking about a daughter who is in her 20ties. Doubtful that developmental delays, sensory issues were as well known or even recognized then. Asperger's wasn't in the DSM until the early 90ties.

Your post frankly reminds me of my mom who because she did not use car seats, vaccinate as we do now, etc. and all her kids grew up OK insists these things are unnecessary. Some of my siblings and peers suspect they have or were diagnosed with ADHD and AS/ASD as adults. Not everyone grows out of anxiety either. For some it is a lifelong struggle and they probably would have had better outcomes if it was treated when it first appeared in childhood.

+1

One of the perplexing themes on DCUM is anger towards teachers suggesting an evaluation. I guess I kind of get it because I was angry when my DS' teachers made such a suggestion. Looking back, I'm grateful because his AS was diagnosed early and he has had the benefit of early intervention and is doing well. But I am curious about why so many of us resent this suggestion. Its got to be fear. Its like women who find a lump in their breast and put off having it checked out. Most of the time lumps are benign, but its always good to know. if a preschool teacher suggested you have your DS' eyes examined because he seemed to be squinting a lot, I don't think you'd be as angry, even if you had every reason to think his vision was fine. You would probably schedule the eye appointment anyway, at the very least to rule it out, and you wouldn't think twice. But the possibility of some kind of developmental issue touches on fear. And the result is a divide in reactions. You have the posters who faced this and their children turned out to be fine, fine, fine, posting as if they survived a scare and they want to spare others the same scare. Its as if the worst possible thing that happened to them is that someone suggested a problem that didn't actually exist. I wish I had problems like that. Then there are those of us whose children actually do have developmental disorders and we read these "OMG, not that!!!!!" posts as (1) a little insulting, because, after all, our children are "that", and (2) curiously because not only do we see the benefit of early diagnosis and intervention, but we can't possibly understand whats so bad about having an evaluation and being told there isn't a major concern.

And don't start with the specter of false diagnoses. Yes, that exists for every possible disorder. I know of a child who was prescribed glasses she didn't need. Yes, a false diagnosis is more difficult in this realm but thats why we have things like second opinions. And it happens but not nearly as often as getting a correct diagnosis. We can't be led by fear.

[Anonymous]

I think it may be best to go ahead with the evaluation and see what they have to say. It sounds like they are looking for better ways to support your son. Is it possible that the chewing may be because he is feeling nervous and anxious? I only suggest this because I have ADHD and anxiety, and from the time I was a kid through now have a tendency to chew and shred papers to relieve anxiety.

My son is 3.5 and seems to be quite a "flitter" as well, relative to his friends that we have had over for playdates, but when I asked his teachers about it, they all said he was very normal. My point being that sometimes these things are in the eyes of the beholder.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeesh--how is it that this forum always seems to devolve into people attacking one another? To clarify before I sign off:

We are absolutely pursuing an evaluation of our kid. I am not anti-intervention by any stretch, and welcome feedback on how he can be better supported at home and at school with whatever he needs to get the most out of his experience and to make sure he can contribute to his class. His teacher is highly qualified and responsive, and I have already said I'm neither attacking nor angry with her. She doesn't excel at written communication, which is acknowledged among other parents in the class, and her tone is easy to misinterpret. We've followed up and clarified with her that she does NOT think our son has significant attentional issues (and she's a 20 year veteran of the classroom), but that she's interested in knowing other ways she and we could help him engage with activities that wouldn't be his first choice (since activities he does like he focuses on very well). I'm happy she's so interested in getting this feedback, and I'm interested in learning it to. I would NEVER tell another parent to ignore warning signs from a professional educator, because I agree that kids are different in school than they are at home.

Yes, it's troubling to me to know we could be at the start of interventions for our kid, because no one wants that. Even the most eager interveners aren't happy to have to do so. And yes, I'm struggling at little to know what might be at the root of his issue: transition to a classroom, sensory or attention issues, or a combination of both. That's why I'm looking forward to getting feedback from a professional who can be a neutral arbiter of this in a way I know I can't. But everyone else on this thread needs to take a deep breath and acknowledge that no one who takes the time to read these forums wants to act in a way that is not in their child's best interest. We may have differing opinions on what that may be, but a little mutual goodwill and sympathy (which very few people here seem to accord one another) would go a long way.

[Anonymous]

PP with young adult daughter. No fortune telling ability here. I would encourage OP to get an evaluation for peace of mind or for intervention as needed.

I simply shared a story of my DD who was uncannily similar to the description of the OPs child. I took the time to write the post because
sometimes it is helpful to hear from parents whose kids have grown and what decisions they made and what the outcomes were.

If everyone on here had kids in the exact same age range, we would not be able to learn as much from each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maddux while a great school is not a "boy" school but a school that specializes in kids with some type of issue whether or not they have a diagnosis. It is not a mainstream school.

I said nothing about Maddux being a mainstream school. It is a boys school, in the sense that K has all boys and 1 girl in the classroom, and k-1 has all boys and 3 girls. They are doing a fantastic job with boys! They understand boys, are not quick to rush to suggesting meds and such. I've been told, "his behavior is typical boy silliness," which is not the message I would get if were attending elsewhere! Promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maddux while a great school is not a "boy" school but a school that specializes in kids with some type of issue whether or not they have a diagnosis. It is not a mainstream school.

I said nothing about Maddux being a mainstream school. It is a boys school, in the sense that K has all boys and 1 girl in the classroom, and k-1 has all boys and 3 girls. They are doing a fantastic job with boys! They understand boys, are not quick to rush to suggesting meds and such. I've been told, "his behavior is typical boy silliness," which is not the message I would get if were attending elsewhere! Promise.

Are you actually at maddux? While boys are the majority, therevare far more than one girl in the K classroom. They do a fantastic job with all kids who need help with social skills, but would not be a good choice for a "typical" boy who needs to run around more.

[Anonymous]

My 3yo's preschool teacher is recommending the same thing for similar issues. Doesn't sit or listsen during non-preferred activities. She is extreme opposite of my teenager. I feel there is a spectrum of maturity but at the same time I have my own background in early childhood edu. However I have to say I feel like I put as much effort w/ my special need preschoolers as I do w/ my own kid's behaviors. I'm glad your teacher is trying to improve his experience.