Disappointed with baby's gender?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Did you or your spouse experience disappointment/negative emotions when you found out you were expecting a girl, when all you wanted was a boy (or vice versa)? Did that disappointment/negative sentiment affect your parent-child relationship after the baby was born?

My husband was disappointed at the news of us having a girl (as he wanted a son he could relate to) , and I wonder if this will change after witnessing the birth of our baby.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

I did not experience this, but my contractor did. They were told they were having a boy, but then found out it was a girl around 7 months. He was vocal in his disappointment at having a girl, which surprised me. I know that people experience this, but to discuss it with a casual aquaintance seems like oversharing. When I talked to him a month or so after the birth he was absolutely over-the-moon smitten with his daughter.

[Anonymous]

my sister-in-law cried when finding out of her son's gender. she very much wanted a girl, and it took a few days of readjusting to the idea of having a son instead of a daughter. (she had totally convinced herself it was going to be a girl). after giving herself a little time to deal with the news, she was overjoyed at the idea of having a son. i think it's just a matter of changing your perspective. maybe talk together about the wonderful things dads/daughters get to do together? (e.g. walking her down the aisle, etc.) i have no doubt that your husband will fall in love with his baby girl much sooner than you think. best wishes!

[Anonymous]

We were on the reverse. We were quite certain we were having a boy (all the gender predictors and what not pointed to boy) but found out we were having a girl. Didn't realize how much we really wanted a girl until the tech said girl.

You both will love the baby regardless. Is it your first?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies. Yes, this is our first baby, and he was so hopeful it would be a boy

[Anonymous]

I really do think it's about readjusting expectations. I think men picture a boy because it's what they can relate to...but every man I know who ends up with a little girl has fallen head over heels in love with her. Fathers and daughters have special relationships. I'm having a boy and my husband and I both said their would be a tiny bit of disappointment no matter what the gender as silly as that sounds - you have to say "goodbye" to the other little person you had in your head!

[Anonymous]

Oops - "there" not "their".

[Anonymous]

Give him time to come to terms with it. Daddy' girls are pretty awesome. Remind him he can still do everything he wanted to do with a boy with his daughter. Girls fish, play sports, play catch, go mountain biking, etc... He can introduce her to all the things he loves just like he would a son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi,

Did you or your spouse experience disappointment/negative emotions when you found out you were expecting a girl, when all you wanted was a boy (or vice versa)? Did that disappointment/negative sentiment affect your parent-child relationship after the baby was born?

My husband was disappointed at the news of us having a girl (as he wanted a son he could relate to) , and I wonder if this will change after witnessing the birth of our baby.

Thanks

Don't even worry a second about this, he will fall totally in love with her and so will you. There is something special about each boys and girls.

[Anonymous]

My husband really wanted a boy and was a bit disappointed when we found out that we were expecting a girl. The minute she was born he fell in love with her and he continues to adore her. When we did have a son a few years later he was happy, but he has a very special bond with our daughter.

[Anonymous]

My dh really wanted a girl ... He has adjusted to our boy, although he still has fantasies that a girl would be much easier, heh!

[Anonymous]

I was heart broken when I found out I was having a little boy. I am so thankful now that I have my son. Sometimes we just have to readjust our dreams.

[Anonymous]

I am a dad, and when we found out that our second (and intended last) child was also a girl, I went for a drive and sobbed in a parking lot for 15 minutes. I read somewhere that this gender disappointment is like grieving, and I did feel like a son (or the hope of one) died. I thought about how I would never have that father-son bond, like the one that I shared with my father who had died 5 years prior.

However, had I had two boys, I probably would have be sobbing about not having a girl, as well, since I greedily want the experience of bonding with both genders.

After that 15 minutes of sobbing, I never really thought about it that much again. When I see both my girls, and how much they get along, I mostly have no remorse and feel no loss. If I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. In fact, I am very glad to have two girls now.

So, of course I understand that your husband could be disappointed. We all probably have our preferences, however slight or hidden they may be. I think it is normal, as I think your concern is normal. I am glad that he is being honest with himself and you.

The trickier and harder part may be if he never gets a son. After my first girl was born (btw my wife sobbed with joy and relief when we discovered this, as if a biopsy came back negative...clearly she had a preference, too), I was glad (hoping to have one of each gender, with the girl coming first). But when the second one was a girl, meaning not a boy, and I knew we were stopping at 2...it meant never a boy, never a son. I had to re-evlauate all my biases and hopes, and trust that I could bond with a girl as well as I could with a boy, and that they could bond with me as much as I was imagining a son would bond with me.

But it is also scary for me, knowing men and this world, to have girls. I fear it will be more vulnerability and more work for me and wife to try to ensure that my girls will be able to take care of themselves and manage a society that doesn't always view them as equal.

[Anonymous]

Not disappointed, but deeply surprised. I was just set in boy mode, when tech said, "girl." I kept asking, "no, but where's the penis?" I walked out of there in a daze. I never felt pink butterflies or tiaras. She came out the girl I could have crafted if God had given me the chance. She is the toughest little thing, with a wicked sense of humor, and a natural affectionate way about her. And she's got her father at her beck and call. He, stoney, reticent he, chuckles around her, constantly amazed at how fearless she is. Definitely "pro-boy" her Daddy is so obviously smitten with her, it's kind of amazing to see.

[Anonymous]

It really, truly took me two years to adjust.