Disappointed with baby's gender?

[Anonymous]

DH is Asian and sort of expected a first-born son (ha!). Immediately after DD was born, he was SO in love with her.

He recently shared with me that he could no longer picture having a son as our firstborn, because he feels he's so much closer to our daughter than he would ever be to a boy. So, I think all parents fall in love with the kid they have, even in the face of expectations and overwhelming cultural preference!

[Anonymous]

One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was NOT to find out the sex of the baby prior to giving birth to him/her. It's much harder to be disappointed when you're holding a healthy baby in your arms. I waited both times and found this to ring true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was NOT to find out the sex of the baby prior to giving birth to him/her. It's much harder to be disappointed when you're holding a healthy baby in your arms. I waited both times and found this to ring true.

ExACTLY! Much easier to accept a real live baby of either gender in your arms than an abstraction in your belly. We never found out all three times (we have 3 girls).

[Anonymous]

As a tangent to this-- when I started telling people I was pregnant, I frequently got the question-- "do you want a boy or a girl more?" Now that I know the sex, people ask me "is that what you really wanted?" These are just chatty questions, but they give me pause. I get these questions mostly from people who I'm not THAT close with (coworkers, etc.). This idea of a preference for a particular sex is quite pervasive, I guess?

[Anonymous]

I honestly always thought you get what you get and you don't get upset. I had a little boy first and I was a little disappointed, I admit, despite myself -- mainly because my husband's side is all multiple boys and everyone was all, oh no girls for you! So I was sad I'd never know what my daughter would be like. Now, with number two, I hoped for a little boy because I love my little one so very much. I was disappointed to hear girl, for a couple days. No pleasing me apparently!!!

[Anonymous]

My mom cried for weeks after finding out her second (my sibling) would be another girl. I guess the "girl" heard her and grew a penis , so parents had to give away all the pink stuff!

[Anonymous]

I think it's natural to be disappointed but at some you have to suck it up and most/almost all people do. We have a girl and I'm pregnant with another. I probably would have been sad to have no girls, but it's also possible after one boy I would have preferred another. DH has only brothers he isnt particularly close to and never preferred a boy, so that desire isn't universal. But he's not into many of the stereotypical male interests, such as sports. And our daughter adores him and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

PP here. No one ever asked me what I preferred. Maybe it's because I'm AMA and had CVSes both time so I knew what I was having by the time I announced.

[Anonymous]

My friend was told she was having a boy, and they were both a little disappointed. They also were having a big issue with the circumcision debate (dad wanted son to look like him down there, mom is quite a bit more "crunchy").

So birth day arrives, and baby is born sans penis. 2 ultrasounds both said boy (they did not get a 3d though), but you really never know.

[Anonymous]

I don't think at all that it is better for everyone to wait until birth to find out. I am not a "OMG HOW AMAZING!" person after having a baby, I'm an "OMG when can I have a shower and get out of this bloody mess" person. Babies have to grow on me. I didn't bond with the baby for a month the first time. A gender disappointment would have made it all worse. (Though I don't have a gender preference, so I'm lucky there -- but if I really cared I can see where I wouldn't take it well.) I like finding out early so I can paint and get clothes and whatnot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a tangent to this-- when I started telling people I was pregnant, I frequently got the question-- "do you want a boy or a girl more?" Now that I know the sex, people ask me "is that what you really wanted?" These are just chatty questions, but they give me pause. I get these questions mostly from people who I'm not THAT close with (coworkers, etc.). This idea of a preference for a particular sex is quite pervasive, I guess?

Yep-- and now that I am second the pregnant time, why does everyone assume that the perfect, ideal combination that everyone naturally wants is one boy, one girl? We're not finding out, and everybody tells me in a reassuring voice that it will probably be a boy, since I already have a girl. And if I dare say something like, "Actually, I would love to give my daughter a sister," or "I would love another girl," they look at me and nod knowingly, saying in a condescending voice, "Uh-huh, sure, just as long as the baby is healthy, right?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies. Yes, this is our first baby, and he was so hopeful it would be a boy

What a creep. You're carrying his child, a condition he can 't every begin to relate to and he actually is crying and whining about his disappointment that it isn't a boy? What a douchebag. He needs to get down on his knees and beg your forgiveness. My parents wanted a son so badly that I was referred to as JR. before I was born. I don't thonk my father ever got over his disappointment and it was difficult for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies. Yes, this is our first baby, and he was so hopeful it would be a boy

What a creep. You're carrying his child, a condition he can 't every begin to relate to and he actually is crying and whining about his disappointment that it isn't a boy? What a douchebag. He needs to get down on his knees and beg your forgiveness. My parents wanted a son so badly that I was referred to as JR. before I was born. I don't thonk my father ever got over his disappointment and it was difficult for me.

You are overreacting.

[Anonymous]

What ever happened to being grateful for a healthy baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What ever happened to being grateful for a healthy baby?

Not the OP, but I can't imagine that everyone on this thread first and foremost wants a healthy baby regardless of gender.

Now, let's put that aside. You never imagined your child -- what gender, what hair color, whether they'd be an engineer like you or a lawyer like dad, an artist or an athlete?
I'd think it were unusual to not have some dreams or wishes, some of which might come true and some won't.

I was like a PP, so sure we were having a boy and even did that $20 at home gender test which said boy. Shocked when I clearly saw girl on the u/s. Scared at the idea of raising a daughter, but now I'm so in love with her that I can barely imagine what life would be like if she were a he.