“Full time mom”

[Anonymous]

If we can distinguish between paid work and unpaid work (think: worker vs volunteer), then I think we should similarly be able to distinguish working moms from homemakers.

Homemaker is the proper label.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please point out instances where this phrase has been used. Because it’s not.

I'm a SAHM who has never used the term, but older gentlemen have used it towards me ("oh, you are a full time mom") in conversation. I've always thought of it as an outdated phrase.

I have really only heard the terms SAHM, housewife, full time mom, etc. used to describe other people. It’s pretty rare that I hear anyone describe themselves this way. Usually people say something like “I’m a pediatrician, but I’m home with the kids right now.” Or “I retired from the army last year.” Or “I was a nurse, but I am thinking of switching into accounting when the kids get older.”
It’s rare that I hear someone respond to a question about their own paid work with answers about unpaid work.

OP here. I noticed someone from my kid’s school (a mom) who is an acquaintance of mine described herself on her Facebook profile as a “Full-time mom.”

Put whatever you wish on your Facebook profile. If you want to write “Part time nurse and Full time mom!” Go for it.

Op, thinking that might be a dig says more about you than it does her.

[Anonymous]

Yawn

[Anonymous]

Little kids need a full time parent, if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Little kids need a full time parent, if at all possible.

?

I am a FT parent...even when I’m at the office or traveling on business.

I’m with my kids 24/7 each weekend and every night. Most SAHMs I know have very active social lives and ditch the kids nights and weekends for girls night out, date nights, etc. They also spend a lot of time at the beer farm with kids in tow.

The grandparents cared for our babies until preschool. Now the kids have a strong bond with all 4 grandparents. Very strong. Think: teenagers who text and FaceTime the grandparents without prompting.

My kids are loved. They are also more independent/self-sufficient than their peers. They’re leaders, not followers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Little kids need a full time parent, if at all possible.

?

I am a FT parent...even when I’m at the office or traveling on business.

I’m with my kids 24/7 each weekend and every night. Most SAHMs I know have very active social lives and ditch the kids nights and weekends for girls night out, date nights, etc. They also spend a lot of time at the beer farm with kids in tow.

The grandparents cared for our babies until preschool. Now the kids have a strong bond with all 4 grandparents. Very strong. Think: teenagers who text and FaceTime the grandparents without prompting.

My kids are loved. They are also more independent/self-sufficient than their peers. They’re leaders, not followers.

You owe all the grandparents tons of thanks. You know how fortunate you are, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Little kids need a full time parent, if at all possible.

?

I am a FT parent...even when I’m at the office or traveling on business.

I’m with my kids 24/7 each weekend and every night. Most SAHMs I know have very active social lives and ditch the kids nights and weekends for girls night out, date nights, etc. They also spend a lot of time at the beer farm with kids in tow.

The grandparents cared for our babies until preschool. Now the kids have a strong bond with all 4 grandparents. Very strong. Think: teenagers who text and FaceTime the grandparents without prompting.

My kids are loved. They are also more independent/self-sufficient than their peers. They’re leaders, not followers.

You owe all the grandparents tons of thanks. You know how fortunate you are, right?

Of course I know how blessed we are. My kids benefited from it tremendously.

My husband and I made the decision to build our careers and eventual family near the grandparents. The whole “it takes a village” thing is true.

My mother didn’t work. She had a masters from a prestigious university, but she opted to stay home after she got married. While I am grateful to her for the sacrifices she made, I’m not convinced she made the right choice by staying home. I think she regretted it later in life. And my parents’ retirement wasn’t well funded as a result—and I’m financially responsible for them now.

I personally couldn’t care less if women work or not. Truly. But I want others to know that my life as a working mom is fine, and so are my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Little kids need a full time parent, if at all possible.

?

I am a FT parent...even when I’m at the office or traveling on business.

I’m with my kids 24/7 each weekend and every night. Most SAHMs I know have very active social lives and ditch the kids nights and weekends for girls night out, date nights, etc. They also spend a lot of time at the beer farm with kids in tow.

The grandparents cared for our babies until preschool. Now the kids have a strong bond with all 4 grandparents. Very strong. Think: teenagers who text and FaceTime the grandparents without prompting.

My kids are loved. They are also more independent/self-sufficient than their peers. They’re leaders, not followers.

You owe all the grandparents tons of thanks. You know how fortunate you are, right?

NP I had a similar setup as PP. I would not have worked if I didn’t have grandparent help. Fortunately, this allowed me to have the best of both worlds - continue my career, spend quality time with my kids, and let them develop close bonds with their grandparents. Quitting to SAH would have been sub-optimal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we can distinguish between paid work and unpaid work (think: worker vs volunteer), then I think we should similarly be able to distinguish working moms from homemakers.

Homemaker is the proper label.

Are you not a homemaker if you work outside the home though? I mean some people who WOH are better homemakers than “full time homemakers!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we can distinguish between paid work and unpaid work (think: worker vs volunteer), then I think we should similarly be able to distinguish working moms from homemakers.

Homemaker is the proper label.

Are you not a homemaker if you work outside the home though? I mean some people who WOH are better homemakers than “full time homemakers!”

Properly “making a home” takes a ton of time. Parents who don’t outsource the work just let most stuff go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

This is odd. Who do you think "runs the house and the family" when both parents work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

+1
You can’t be watching your kids during the day AND working. You’re just not. And that’s OK.

And a stay at home mom isn't watching her kids while they're at school. She she isn't a full-time mom. And that's OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

This is odd. Who do you think "runs the house and the family" when both parents work?

Are you really that insecure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep,, there is not any perfect term for this (yet). "SAHM" is not accurate since we hardly "stay at home" most days. I think "full-time mom" is better, but if it's objectionable to other moms, I'd be happy to use some other term.

Suggestions? It would be so nice to have a term that doesn't diminish the real work we SAHMs do OR the real parenting of moms who do other work during the daytime.

Yes. I haven't ever found one word that conveys all this. I usually say something more wordy that I hope sounds neutral, like, "I don't work outside the home, I run the house and the family instead."

Let's all try on both sides not to look for offense when it's just semantics.

I see that you’re trying, but that doesn’t make sense. Because plenty of women both run the house and the family and work outside the home. There is no instead - it’s not either/or.

The above is cringeworthy.

You’re really invested in the idea that you do everything SAHMs do and you’re committed to getting offended at however they describe their days. “Full time mom” is offensive because you consider yourself a full time mom even though you’re at work during the day and outsourcing childcare. Acknowledging that reality upsets you. A longer explanation that someone doesn’t work outside the home and takes care of the family also offends you because you like to think you do all of that too. You are the special snowflake with infinite hours in the day who has time to take care of kids and family full time and work full time! It must be great to have more than 24 hours in a day!

But really just be honest and say you’re not going to be happy until SAHMs day they’re lazy and do nothing all day. Anything else, you’re going to find a way to get offended about.

Why so triggered?

When my my kids aren't with me (like now, because they're at school) I'm still their mom. I am their mom all day, every day.

I also still run my household and family, along with my husband.

Translation: I do EVERYTHING SAHMs do AND I work too! Someone give me a cookie because I’m desperate for validation of my choices!

Translation: I constantly need to prove that I do something all day long! Someone give me a cookie because I'm desperate for validation of my choices!

Anyone who doesn't see the hypocrisy in criticizing another mom should sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question to those who feel the phrase "Full-time mom" is a dig at WOHMs --- what word do you wish the "full-time moms" would use for themselves?

"I don't work."

That's interesting. I always thought that would sound offensive, deliberately elitist of me.

It sounds worse to say things like 'I run the home!' LOL

I think this thread is very accurately illustrating that there is a substantial cohort of working moms who are offended by other women’s choices to stay home with their children. Any implication that SAHM/full time moms provide value to their families is personally offensive to these women.

The insecurity is real.

You people are so dense. The problem isn't that a working mom is offended by another woman's choice to stay home with her children. The stupidity is real.