How are kids supposed to address professors? Dr., Professor, first name? Daughter got rude reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP and haven't read the thread.

Personally I think honorifics should be done away with entirely. I don't think doctors should insist on Dr. I don't think professors should be Prof. I think the use of honorifics perpetuates power imbalances that on the whole aren't good. Let everyone go by first name. And yes, I have honorifics I could use but I don't.

An adult insisting another adult use a title is just cringeworthy behavior to me.

+1. Campus isn't British aristocracy. And lets not even get into the historic inequities that prevented people of color, the poor, and women from having access to earn certain credentials. As long as you're polite, there's nothing wrong with using people's first name. It's lunacy that would send anyone off the edge. Go see a shrink if it does. Your credentials earn you a higher salary and more prestigious jobs, not perpetual servitude.

Especially for an advisor. They're not profs. I'd tell the advisor to kiss my ass.

My first year academic advisor at Harvard was also a professor.

If you did indeed "tell the advisor to kiss my ass", dear PP, there is a good chance you would be making an idiot of yourself. Most universities have a range of staff, faculty, and admin acting as advisors. All of them are worthy of respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sad part is that OP and her DD have to live in the world they actually live in, and deal with any consequences thereof, not the world they want to live in.

Sucks not to always be on top. Sucks to try so hard to insult someone, when they don't really care that much -- and yet still are going to pass judgement on you, because that is their job.

Oh, well. Maybe OP feels better for ranting here. One can only hope. It's a small enough gift.

Consequence for an adult addressing another adult by their first name? It's not like OP said her daughter uses "Hey cat lady" or "Yo" to greet professors. What's wrong with "Hi Ryan" or "Hi Suzy"? It's completely normal and okay.

What’s wrong with it? Your daughter and her professor ARE NOT PEERS. Why is this so hard for people to understand?

Same reason why you (and people with common sense and an ounce of respect) call your physician Doctor. Because you are not peers.

Calling someone by their first name when they have an earned title tells me that you are the one with the problem with authority figures.

In many situations, we are not all equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP and haven't read the thread.

Personally I think honorifics should be done away with entirely. I don't think doctors should insist on Dr. I don't think professors should be Prof. I think the use of honorifics perpetuates power imbalances that on the whole aren't good. Let everyone go by first name. And yes, I have honorifics I could use but I don't.

An adult insisting another adult use a title is just cringeworthy behavior to me.

I respect your opinion. Would you consider reading the NYT article linked in this thread to see if any of the issues outlined there might, in your opinion, warrant an exception?

I will find it and read it.

Mostly I find the insistence on honorifics to be the vestiges of a racist and misogynistic history in which those honorifics were used as a way of keeping people who deserved it on their merits out of power.

You want respect? Earn it based on your behavior, not by insisting another adult address you with a title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sad part is that OP and her DD have to live in the world they actually live in, and deal with any consequences thereof, not the world they want to live in.

Sucks not to always be on top. Sucks to try so hard to insult someone, when they don't really care that much -- and yet still are going to pass judgement on you, because that is their job.

Oh, well. Maybe OP feels better for ranting here. One can only hope. It's a small enough gift.

Consequence for an adult addressing another adult by their first name? It's not like OP said her daughter uses "Hey cat lady" or "Yo" to greet professors. What's wrong with "Hi Ryan" or "Hi Suzy"? It's completely normal and okay.

So you think it is fine to tell your child, who is going off to college, to go ahead and just call all profs by their first names because you think it is "completely normal and okay." Even though you know this isn't how many of these people prefer to be addressed?

I guess you are one of the OPs who also think it is OK for your college aged child to call a judge, police officer, much older adult they don't know well, etc. by their first name by default.

You are so uncouth and crude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

yeah, but things could be changing. These are the millenials afterall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP and haven't read the thread.

Personally I think honorifics should be done away with entirely. I don't think doctors should insist on Dr. I don't think professors should be Prof. I think the use of honorifics perpetuates power imbalances that on the whole aren't good. Let everyone go by first name. And yes, I have honorifics I could use but I don't.

An adult insisting another adult use a title is just cringeworthy behavior to me.

+1. Campus isn't British aristocracy. And lets not even get into the historic inequities that prevented people of color, the poor, and women from having access to earn certain credentials. As long as you're polite, there's nothing wrong with using people's first name. It's lunacy that would send anyone off the edge. Go see a shrink if it does. Your credentials earn you a higher salary and more prestigious jobs, not perpetual servitude.

I don't think you meant what you typed. And you are wrong. Professors are called "Dr." on campus and "Professor" in law school. I never called anyone by their first name nor have my children. It's a siign of respect and expected.

But only if it is expected. Not at all clear that it was in the case of OP's DD.

No, that's the point that most posters in this thread are making. Unless a professor explicitly tells you otherwise, it's expected that you use Professor.

[Anonymous]

Question for the Americans: What do you call a 'real' Professor? As in, someone with several decades of academic experience who brings in a lot of funding and leads various groups, etc. Is it not a position here?

[Anonymous]

My god, even Gillian, the Howells, Ginger, Maryann and the Skipper has enough sense to use the title Professor! And they were all stranded on an island, not on a college campus!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the professor who wrote at the top of this page. Even staff who do not work directly with someone initially refer to faculty by "professor." It is simply the formal title used in this professional setting. It is the default unless someone insists on a first name. My belief is that professors should not ask students to refer to them by their first name. If they do insist students use their first name, I would worry they have boundary isssues.

I am flabbergasted to read all these parents who are shocked or resentful that there are formal boundaries in academia. It's not about subservience. It's about professionalism.

I am someone who has a title that could be used and doesn't, not a shocked parent. I will not insist another adult address me in a subservient manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP and haven't read the thread.

Personally I think honorifics should be done away with entirely. I don't think doctors should insist on Dr. I don't think professors should be Prof. I think the use of honorifics perpetuates power imbalances that on the whole aren't good. Let everyone go by first name. And yes, I have honorifics I could use but I don't.

An adult insisting another adult use a title is just cringeworthy behavior to me.

I respect your opinion. Would you consider reading the NYT article linked in this thread to see if any of the issues outlined there might, in your opinion, warrant an exception?

I will find it and read it.

Mostly I find the insistence on honorifics to be the vestiges of a racist and misogynistic history in which those honorifics were used as a way of keeping people who deserved it on their merits out of power.

You want respect? Earn it based on your behavior, not by insisting another adult address you with a title.

I agree with this mostly, but not in the military -- that is is one place that don't work. To their face you must use their rank, behind their backs you can call them whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sad part is that OP and her DD have to live in the world they actually live in, and deal with any consequences thereof, not the world they want to live in.

Sucks not to always be on top. Sucks to try so hard to insult someone, when they don't really care that much -- and yet still are going to pass judgement on you, because that is their job.

Oh, well. Maybe OP feels better for ranting here. One can only hope. It's a small enough gift.

Consequence for an adult addressing another adult by their first name? It's not like OP said her daughter uses "Hey cat lady" or "Yo" to greet professors. What's wrong with "Hi Ryan" or "Hi Suzy"? It's completely normal and okay.

What’s wrong with it? Your daughter and her professor ARE NOT PEERS. Why is this so hard for people to understand?

Same reason why you (and people with common sense and an ounce of respect) call your physician Doctor. Because you are not peers.

Calling someone by their first name when they have an earned title tells me that you are the one with the problem with authority figures.

But you don't understand. The OP's daughter is very special. She is the equal of anybody she meets, and she should expect that everybody will realize how special she is and act accordingly. She knows this is true because her mommy told her so.

In many situations, we are not all equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god, even Gillian, the Howells, Ginger, Maryann and the Skipper has enough sense to use the title Professor! And they were all stranded on an island, not on a college campus!!

Wasn't that in the 60s? Back when a semester of college cost maybe $200 and professors were 99% leisure class white men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for the Americans: What do you call a 'real' Professor? As in, someone with several decades of academic experience who brings in a lot of funding and leads various groups, etc. Is it not a position here?

It is a position in the US, but in this thread you can see examples of people who have no respect for university professors.

You call them Professor. Dr. might be OK in some circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP and haven't read the thread.

Personally I think honorifics should be done away with entirely. I don't think doctors should insist on Dr. I don't think professors should be Prof. I think the use of honorifics perpetuates power imbalances that on the whole aren't good. Let everyone go by first name. And yes, I have honorifics I could use but I don't.

An adult insisting another adult use a title is just cringeworthy behavior to me.

I respect your opinion. Would you consider reading the NYT article linked in this thread to see if any of the issues outlined there might, in your opinion, warrant an exception?

I will find it and read it.

Mostly I find the insistence on honorifics to be the vestiges of a racist and misogynistic history in which those honorifics were used as a way of keeping people who deserved it on their merits out of power.

You want respect? Earn it based on your behavior, not by insisting another adult address you with a title.

I am a woman of color, PhD holder, and professor and you could not be more off base here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sad part is that OP and her DD have to live in the world they actually live in, and deal with any consequences thereof, not the world they want to live in.

Sucks not to always be on top. Sucks to try so hard to insult someone, when they don't really care that much -- and yet still are going to pass judgement on you, because that is their job.

Oh, well. Maybe OP feels better for ranting here. One can only hope. It's a small enough gift.

Consequence for an adult addressing another adult by their first name? It's not like OP said her daughter uses "Hey cat lady" or "Yo" to greet professors. What's wrong with "Hi Ryan" or "Hi Suzy"? It's completely normal and okay.

No. Not completely normal and okay...unless you're a doorknob. If you want to go through go through life as a doorknob by all means overstep your boundaries and show no respect for so societal conventions. People will smile and be polite but will write you off as a moron.