holding boys back?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the posts (and deliberately skipped the section that got all mean) so forgive me if my post doesn't add anything relevant. We're a couple of years from K, but I do plan on enrolling my summer b-day son in K when he is 5 years old. And, I hope that most of his K classmates are not more than 1 year older than him, but I'm sure there will be some (e.g., held back, entered at 6 y.o.). In any class, one child will be the oldest and one will be the youngest. I just hope the age range isn't much greater than 1 year. Personally, and without any science to back it up, I think holding a child back could be detrimental to that child's psyche IF the child is really ready developmentally to begin K at 5 years old.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP. My son missed the Sept. 1 cut-off in Montgomery County by two weeks. While he isn't gifted or academically superior to many of his peers, he was ready for kindergarten. I was irritated that he couldn't start kindergarten this year because I knew he would be bored in most preschool environments. My solution: I found a fullday pre-K program with a strong academic foundation to challenge him. He is essentially learning what most kids learned in kindergarten back in the days before NCLB and teaching to the tests. I encourage parents of summer babies and those who are debating whether or not to redshirt kindergarten to enroll their child in a fullday pre-K program and see how they do. If they thrive, then they will be very well equipped for kindgarten.

[Anonymous]

This is in response to 14:08. That is useful advice. Thank you. We are moving back to Pennsylvania and I am somewhat distressed to learn that the school district we will be in has a 5 by Sept. 1 cut-off for K, NO EXCEPTIONS. My sons both have September birthdays, so cannot start until they are 6. My older one who is now 3 LOVES preschool. He's also really big for his age (he's both the youngest and one of the tallest boys in his preschool class). Not that I can really predict the future, but I am pretty sure he's going to be bored out of his mind doing two more years of preschool.

[Anonymous]

What is this idea that because I held my son back, I've made some other child "the last one picked." Picked for what? I mean, I have two children, one in 3rd and one in 7th, and neither has ever been through the "picking" process they had when I was a kid.

It has no effect on your child's ability to concentrate and learn that I decided to wait until my son shared those skills before sending him to K. I would think you would want your child to be in a classroom of children who can attend to the tasks at hand. Its better than having teachers spend a disproportionate amount of their time helping a child who went to school before he was ready.

I can only guess that you feel better about your own child when you witness other children who are struggling. You like it that way. Thats the only possible benefit I can see to your child if I sent my son to K before he was ready.

[Anonymous]

There are a few children who truly have developmental difficulties and warrant being held back. There are others whose parents want to create every advantage possible gaming the system and others who are helicopter parents holding the poor kids back for fears they may not have it easy. At some point you have to accept that there are things your child will do well and things he will not do well. Challenging kids used to be seen as a positive chance to help them learn how to work through issues now its about protecting them to the extent that they don't get to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this idea that because I held my son back, I've made some other child "the last one picked." Picked for what? I mean, I have two children, one in 3rd and one in 7th, and neither has ever been through the "picking" process they had when I was a kid.

It has no effect on your child's ability to concentrate and learn that I decided to wait until my son shared those skills before sending him to K. I would think you would want your child to be in a classroom of children who can attend to the tasks at hand. Its better than having teachers spend a disproportionate amount of their time helping a child who went to school before he was ready.

I can only guess that you feel better about your own child when you witness other children who are struggling. You like it that way. Thats the only possible benefit I can see to your child if I sent my son to K before he was ready.

I think this is overblown. I've been in my son's kindergarten class in Arlington and, trust me, the teachers get the kids on the same page pretty quick -- and at the same time, all the kids, even the "brightest", all have trouble "attending to task" at various points during the day. They're 5-year olds (and a few 6 year olds), for God's sake.

I don't know the PP or her son, but in general, I'd say that if a parent really has such deep concerns about the ability of a 5-year old to handle kindergarten, then the child probably needs some kind of extra professional help. I don't mean this in a nasty way at all. There's just a huge range of kids in kindergarten -- some are more energetic and less focused, some are aggressive, some are very shy, some are reading chapter books, some are just beginning to grasp their ABCs. The schools can handle it. And these traits aren't mysteriously going to vanish at the age of 6 - what will a parent do if their child still isn't attending to task as a 6-year old in kindergarten? Take him/her out and demand to start kindergarten at 7?

[Anonymous]

I think lots of parents are freaked about kindergarten b/c it has become extremely academic as opposed to play-based/social development with ABCs and 123s. I know lots of parents who worry about their boys not being able to last all day long, sit still, follow directions, etc. FWIW, I'm the poster who recommended fullday pre-K as a means to gauge if their kid is ready for kindergarten.

And to the PP: I know plenty of type A neurotic parents who swear their kid isn't ready for kindergarten and the kid seems perfectly fine to me -- I just think some parents are consumed by the competitive nature of helicopter parenting in the DC metro area -- and this is very unfortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't really blame the parents who do not red shirt and now have a little guy trying to stand up to a six year old in his class for being a tad judgemental about you.

Sure she can. Go back and re-read 11/24/2008 22:17 and 11/24/2008 23:25.

By the way, it's "judgmental". You should look it up (for more than one reason).

[Anonymous]

PP 15:26 here. So many of you seem so sure of why other parents held their August children back. How do you know why? Oh I see, its because you made a different decision, they must be neurotic helicopter parents (your words). Cause if they don't do what you want or what you would do, there must be something terribly wrong with them.

Most of us had the advice of professionals when we made our decision. Not that it is any of your business.

[Anonymous]

I am the parent who wrote about the tours. In two of the classrooms, birthyears were posted, so it was CLEAR that the July and August, and a few June kids were redshirted. We even saw one April kid. In the third school, birthyears were not posted but there were no August birthdays.

Remember, with private schools, they are just looking for a reason to reject your application-- they have way too many qualified applicants. Being young will hurt you.

[Anonymous]

With private school the decision isn't really up to the parent. There does seem to be a trend in our childrens' school to take a lot of late Summer and Fall birthdays. The age ranges span a calendar year, but it seems that about 2/3s of the class have birthdays from July-December and the other 1/3 spread out from January to June. It's basically an unoffical shift in the cutoff date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP 15:26 here. So many of you seem so sure of why other parents held their August children back. How do you know why? Oh I see, its because you made a different decision, they must be neurotic helicopter parents (your words). Cause if they don't do what you want or what you would do, there must be something terribly wrong with them.

Most of us had the advice of professionals when we made our decision. Not that it is any of your business.

But even a lot of the professionals are caught up in this - DS' preschool was very big on the "gift of time". Fortunately our pediatrician (in n arlington) was of the "send him to kindergarten" philosophy.

DS has one of those summer b-days and, yes, in some ways he is young compared to other kids in K but that doesn't mean he can't handle the work/environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP 15:26 here. So many of you seem so sure of why other parents held their August children back. How do you know why? Oh I see, its because you made a different decision, they must be neurotic helicopter parents (your words). Cause if they don't do what you want or what you would do, there must be something terribly wrong with them.

Most of us had the advice of professionals when we made our decision. Not that it is any of your business.

But even a lot of the professionals are caught up in this - DS' preschool was very big on the "gift of time". Fortunately our pediatrician (in n arlington) was of the "send him to kindergarten" philosophy.

DS has one of those summer b-days and, yes, in some ways he is young compared to other kids in K but that doesn't mean he can't handle the work/environment.

Bully for you. Oh, and... so what? Her family's decision is still none of your business. In case you've forgotten, some parents are trying to make decisions for their children that are not just about today or this year or next year. These are decisions that have ramifications far into their child's future. And what they choose to do is not for you to decide. You get to be your child's mommy. You don't get to be the elementary school dictator. Thank heavens!

[Anonymous]

"Bully for you. Oh, and... so what? Her family's decision is still none of your business. In case you've forgotten, some parents are trying to make decisions for their children that are not just about today or this year or next year. These are decisions that have ramifications far into their child's future. And what they choose to do is not for you to decide. You get to be your child's mommy. You don't get to be the elementary school dictator. Thank heavens!"

You do realize that your posts simply scream I'm a neurotic, self absorbed, and freaked out about everything parent. Seriously your reactions are so over the top your poor kid is probably frightened to try anything even a wee bit challenging. Try getting a grip, chill out, and let your kids go to school at the appropriate time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize that your posts simply scream I'm a neurotic, self absorbed, and freaked out about everything parent. Seriously your reactions are so over the top your poor kid is probably frightened to try anything even a wee bit challenging. Try getting a grip, chill out, and let your kids go to school at the appropriate time.

I see nothing neurotic, self-absorbed, nor freaked out about telling a forum of self-righteous, über-entitled, hypocrites to mind their own family's business, and leave other people's kindergartners alone. Even if said kindergartner has the bloody cheek to be 6 years old!