HS Party with Alcohol... Death

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Just try having a "party" at your house without drinking.
No one (cool) will come.
Try it!

Chasing cool is stupid. Those who are cool in high school generally aren't so awesome after. Better to teach your kids to pick genuine friends.

Agreed. You are 110% right.
And I must add here, being "judgmental" is required.
It's HOW you do it, that matters most.
If we don't teach the kids how to judge appropriately,
They'll become one more kid who will follow the troubled crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agreed. You are 110% right.
And I must add here, being "judgmental" is required.
It's HOW you do it, that matters most.
If we don't teach the kids how to judge appropriately,
They'll become one more kid who will follow the troubled crowd.

Do you post on your phone? I am wondering why everything you post looks like free verse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Agreed. You are 110% right.
And I must add here, being "judgmental" is required.
It's HOW you do it, that matters most.
If we don't teach the kids how to judge appropriately,
They'll become one more kid who will follow the troubled crowd.

Do you post on your phone? I am wondering why everything you post looks like free verse.

I prefer the way it looks to me.
Do you have a teen?
Your thoughts on the topic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

Looking at the rap sheet of the driver, do you really think his parents were just trying to help him grow up? You're kidding, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Just try having a "party" at your house without drinking.
No one (cool) will come.
Try it!

Chasing cool is stupid. Those who are cool in high school generally aren't so awesome after. Better to teach your kids to pick genuine friends.

My son is too young to understand this, but my daughter, who's 11, isn't. I told her that unless I know and LIKE the parents/guardians of her friends, there is not deep friendship developing.

Kids usually reflect their parents. Of course, there are exceptions, but so far, my daughter has picked kids who are genuinely good kids. And as a HS teacher, I know the deal. LOTS of lying, hiding things, etc.

But hopefully, if lines of communication are open, both kids will have enough trust in us - their parents - to call if there's an emergency. I shared this ugly story with her and said that if she ever got into this situation to call - for herself and for her friends. We'd be there in a heartbeat.

I don't think it's ever too late talk about these issues. Hell, gang recruitment starts in middle school! These kids aren't immune from the ugly side of life.

[Anonymous]

Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

You're my idea of a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Just try having a "party" at your house without drinking.
No one (cool) will come.
Try it!

Chasing cool is stupid. Those who are cool in high school generally aren't so awesome after. Better to teach your kids to pick genuine friends.

My son is too young to understand this, but my daughter, who's 11, isn't. I told her that unless I know and LIKE the parents/guardians of her friends, there is not deep friendship developing.

Kids usually reflect their parents. Of course, there are exceptions, but so far, my daughter has picked kids who are genuinely good kids. And as a HS teacher, I know the deal. LOTS of lying, hiding things, etc.

But hopefully, if lines of communication are open, both kids will have enough trust in us - their parents - to call if there's an emergency. I shared this ugly story with her and said that if she ever got into this situation to call - for herself and for her friends. We'd be there in a heartbeat.

I don't think it's ever too late talk about these issues. Hell, gang recruitment starts in middle school! These kids aren't immune from the ugly side of life.

LOTS of kids lying to their parents is exactly right. And their parents *think* they have "good" kids. Makes them feel good, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

You're my idea of a good parent.

+1

Good for you PP. And, good for that other parent for calling to ask!

[Anonymous]

Agree w/ PP. And the smarter they are, the better they are hiding it. The biggest weed dealer in our high school a few years ago was a top athlete and went to an ivy league. Pretty sure his parents were clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

You're my idea of a good parent.

+1

Good for you PP. And, good for that other parent for calling to ask!

On that note, I'll mention something here. My friend's kid went to The Potomac School. She would always call the hosting parents to thank them for inviting her kid, and to ask if the parents would be home during the party. My friend told me the hosting parents always said yes, they would be home. On the way driving her kid to the party, they'd pull over and call the hosting parents to ask something. Half the time they weren't home at all. The same tricks go on at every school. Even the parents will lie to you about this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

You're my idea of a good parent.

+1

Good for you PP. And, good for that other parent for calling to ask!

You do realize most of the parties with drugs and alcohol ... The parents did not supply it, it is hidden from the parents. It's not until somebody throws up that the parents realize there is a breach in security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

You're my idea of a good parent.

+1

Good for you PP. And, good for that other parent for calling to ask!

You do realize most of the parties with drugs and alcohol ... The parents did not supply it, it is hidden from the parents. It's not until somebody throws up that the parents realize there is a breach in security.

I hope you then told everyone to call their parents to be taken home. Did you? Or did they drive themselves, not know for sure if they had "too much" to drink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a "dry" graduation party for my son. (He was not a cool kid). It was during the day on a Saturday. Only one parent called me to ask if there would be alcohol there.
Just because the kids are going to sneak and do stuff anyway doesn't mean we shouldn't try and have no-alcohol events.
I'm not willing to throw in the towel and just see what happens.

You're my idea of a good parent.

+1

Good for you PP. And, good for that other parent for calling to ask!

You do realize most of the parties with drugs and alcohol ... The parents did not supply it, it is hidden from the parents. It's not until somebody throws up that the parents realize there is a breach in security.

I hope you then told everyone to call their parents to be taken home. Did you? Or did they drive themselves, not know for sure if they had "too much" to drink?

*knowing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Just try having a "party" at your house without drinking.
No one (cool) will come.
Try it!

Chasing cool is stupid. Those who are cool in high school generally aren't so awesome after. Better to teach your kids to pick genuine friends.

My son is too young to understand this, but my daughter, who's 11, isn't. I told her that unless I know and LIKE the parents/guardians of her friends, there is not deep friendship developing.

Kids usually reflect their parents. Of course, there are exceptions, but so far, my daughter has picked kids who are genuinely good kids. And as a HS teacher, I know the deal. LOTS of lying, hiding things, etc.

But hopefully, if lines of communication are open, both kids will have enough trust in us - their parents - to call if there's an emergency. I shared this ugly story with her and said that if she ever got into this situation to call - for herself and for her friends. We'd be there in a heartbeat.

I don't think it's ever too late talk about these issues. Hell, gang recruitment starts in middle school! These kids aren't immune from the ugly side of life.

Get back to us about this rule when your DD is 14.