Feminism, femininity, and marriage

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Head of household" PP. Can you give an example of a big decision where your husband's preference trumps your preference?

Sorry if this has been asked in the last 2 pages of sniping, which I did not read because the first 14 pages were pretty exhausting.

I've got work to do. I'm no longer wasting my time on people unable comprehend beyond their own ridged bias and ignorance.

I was actually curious. It wasn't a loaded question and I'm not the PP who is attacking you. I can think of a number of really big family decisions where there would be no way I could accept someone else's decision if I completely disagreed. My list of dealbreakers is pretty tiny, but because this isn't the way it works in my family, it's pretty much hypothetical. I was hoping that someone for whom it's NOT hypothetical could weigh in about their actual experience.

If it's something like "I preferred school X for Larla while DH preferred school Y and because he's the decider, Larla goes to school Y" that's one thing. There is a thread on Expectant Moms right now where a woman is unexpectedly pregnant after infertility and wants to keep the baby, while her husband wants her to get an abortion. I am curious as to how the "head of household" PP(s) would resolve such a dilemma.

I was curious too. But people seem too bitter to answer.

I'm a feminist who is disgusted by possibly one or two rabidly upset posters who claim to be "feminists". I can now see why feminists get a bad name. I actually don't see the bitterness coming from the HoH posters. They actually seem quite comfortable with their lives and don't seem to care much about the "feminists" on here and whatever agenda they are trying to push. With each post, the "feminists" sound more and more unhinged and I'm trying to figure out what is so upsetting to them. The angry hostility is perplexing.

I don't like any general rule that men are the heads of households. My husband is definitely the follower in our marriage, in every way. I don't want to be made to feel unfeminine because I have strong leadership qualities and don't want a man telling me where to live or making any other major decisions for me.

So that's your personal decision, which I support. Why do you have to agree with other women's decisions to support them? How can you call yourself a feminist if you don't support all women's decisions, even those you disagree with?

I do support the woman who posted the house example. Her marriage, her choices. Just don't call other women who prefer a different marital dynamic "unfeminine."

Who called you unfeminine? Nobody has bought into question the "feminists" and their lifestyle. I think you are felling that way completely on your own. And I think I have just discovered the root of the hostility.
The "feminists" and I use that in quotations because no real feminist is going to call another woman's healthy choices into question, are feeling unfeminine. Release that. Nobody called you that. Don't get in your own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What feminists say: "Feminism is for everyone!"

What feminists mean: "Feminism is for everyone (with a college/advanced degree, who doesn't conform to traditional gender roles, except for people who disagree with what I think feminism and feminists should look like.)"

And I'm a feminist. Gag.

I repeat.

And rinse.

Such sad bitter women. Probably on here complaining day in and day out about their cuckold husbands.

Are you male? Why are you always on here complaining about bitter women? What do you care? Don't you have a woman of your own who meets all of your criteria for an acceptable mate?

[Anonymous]

Is it so hard to crack a book and learn about the definition of feminism? Is it just one more fucking thing that women hold over each other's heads? I like owning property and having the right to vote. I like having choices in life. I like my role in my relationship.

Militant feminism is actually not feminism, but misandry. Actual feminism is not sexist. Don't confuse the two. It makes you look like an idiot. Men don't need to be feminized and women don't need to be masculine for us to be equal. That idea is BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to crack a book and learn about the definition of feminism? Is it just one more fucking thing that women hold over each other's heads? I like owning property and having the right to vote. I like having choices in life. I like my role in my relationship.

Militant feminism is actually not feminism, but misandry. Actual feminism is not sexist. Don't confuse the two. It makes you look like an idiot. Men don't need to be feminized and women don't need to be masculine for us to be equal. That idea is BS.

Yeah, no. There isn't any authoritative definition of feminism. I guess we know that it means that women have as much inherent value as men. But, how that idea manifests in practice is the subject of great debate. You're pushing a variant of the "No True Scotsman" fallacy. "No true feminist would be sexist." Then you double down by calling anyone an idiot who thinks otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to crack a book and learn about the definition of feminism? Is it just one more fucking thing that women hold over each other's heads? I like owning property and having the right to vote. I like having choices in life. I like my role in my relationship.

Militant feminism is actually not feminism, but misandry. Actual feminism is not sexist. Don't confuse the two. It makes you look like an idiot. Men don't need to be feminized and women don't need to be masculine for us to be equal. That idea is BS.

+1 and like I said....feminism destroyed many marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to crack a book and learn about the definition of feminism? Is it just one more fucking thing that women hold over each other's heads? I like owning property and having the right to vote. I like having choices in life. I like my role in my relationship.

Militant feminism is actually not feminism, but misandry. Actual feminism is not sexist. Don't confuse the two. It makes you look like an idiot. Men don't need to be feminized and women don't need to be masculine for us to be equal. That idea is BS.

Misandry is rife on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Head of household" PP. Can you give an example of a big decision where your husband's preference trumps your preference?

Sorry if this has been asked in the last 2 pages of sniping, which I did not read because the first 14 pages were pretty exhausting.

I've got work to do. I'm no longer wasting my time on people unable comprehend beyond their own ridged bias and ignorance.

I was actually curious. It wasn't a loaded question and I'm not the PP who is attacking you. I can think of a number of really big family decisions where there would be no way I could accept someone else's decision if I completely disagreed. My list of dealbreakers is pretty tiny, but because this isn't the way it works in my family, it's pretty much hypothetical. I was hoping that someone for whom it's NOT hypothetical could weigh in about their actual experience.

If it's something like "I preferred school X for Larla while DH preferred school Y and because he's the decider, Larla goes to school Y" that's one thing. There is a thread on Expectant Moms right now where a woman is unexpectedly pregnant after infertility and wants to keep the baby, while her husband wants her to get an abortion. I am curious as to how the "head of household" PP(s) would resolve such a dilemma.

I'll give you one that happened a few years ago. We were buying a house. We looked at dozens and could not agree. He made the final decision on the house we purchased. I hated it and he promised to make it liveable for me and I bitched a lot about it. He lived up to that promise and the entire house has been remodeled. Top to bottom. I love the house now. I just couldn't see past the horrible finishes at the time.

However, I'm not sure why all of you are freaking out over the decision thing. How often do couples really disagree? I don't know about you, but it is so incredibly rare that we strongly want to go in two separate directions. In all honesty our biggest disagreement ever in our marriage was over our wedding. I wanted to elope, he did not. I completely threw my hands up and said fine and only referred to it has his wedding. THat is the only time we had an enormous blow out, which of course made me pause and wonder if I was making the right choice.

Being head of the household is really just having the big shoulders to carry us on. Being a stand up guy who is emotionally solid, being the rock for me when I need view of steady ground when I feel like I'm bobbing in the ocean. Being the man that barrels outside with a baseball bat when someone is trying to break in (yes, that happened), advocating for our family when needed, or when my efforts have not gotten us anywhere, being the guy that will beat the contractor up for the best price and then come down on him and make him do it again when it is not done as promised.

I'm sure many of you are made of well worn and tested leather. However, I actually like having a man who can take care of shit when I don't want to expel the energy. I like having someone I can fall back on and trust that he will get it done. I'm comfortable enough with myself to allow myself to sit back sometimes and let someone else sail the ship. I don't always want the ship to have two captains, I'm happy being co. It doesn't' bruise my ego one bit.

Sign me up! I want to be married to this head of house! The screeching feminists on here can keep their men's balls all to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Head of household" PP. Can you give an example of a big decision where your husband's preference trumps your preference?

Sorry if this has been asked in the last 2 pages of sniping, which I did not read because the first 14 pages were pretty exhausting.

I've got work to do. I'm no longer wasting my time on people unable comprehend beyond their own ridged bias and ignorance.

I was actually curious. It wasn't a loaded question and I'm not the PP who is attacking you. I can think of a number of really big family decisions where there would be no way I could accept someone else's decision if I completely disagreed. My list of dealbreakers is pretty tiny, but because this isn't the way it works in my family, it's pretty much hypothetical. I was hoping that someone for whom it's NOT hypothetical could weigh in about their actual experience.

If it's something like "I preferred school X for Larla while DH preferred school Y and because he's the decider, Larla goes to school Y" that's one thing. There is a thread on Expectant Moms right now where a woman is unexpectedly pregnant after infertility and wants to keep the baby, while her husband wants her to get an abortion. I am curious as to how the "head of household" PP(s) would resolve such a dilemma.

I was curious too. But people seem too bitter to answer.

I'm a feminist who is disgusted by possibly one or two rabidly upset posters who claim to be "feminists". I can now see why feminists get a bad name. I actually don't see the bitterness coming from the HoH posters. They actually seem quite comfortable with their lives and don't seem to care much about the "feminists" on here and whatever agenda they are trying to push. With each post, the "feminists" sound more and more unhinged and I'm trying to figure out what is so upsetting to them. The angry hostility is perplexing.

I don't like any general rule that men are the heads of households. My husband is definitely the follower in our marriage, in every way. I don't want to be made to feel unfeminine because I have strong leadership qualities and don't want a man telling me where to live or making any other major decisions for me.

But the thing is, you don't have to like it or accept it. How things work in your marriage is your own business, you don't see anyone badgering you about the rules in your house. This woman and her husband have figured out the way things work for them. They don't need your approval. She very patiently explained it to you, the way it works for HER and HER FAMILY. But you insist that you don't like it, don't understand it, and it's her fault for not making you understand. This makes you sound way more unhinged than her, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Head of household" PP. Can you give an example of a big decision where your husband's preference trumps your preference?

Sorry if this has been asked in the last 2 pages of sniping, which I did not read because the first 14 pages were pretty exhausting.

I've got work to do. I'm no longer wasting my time on people unable comprehend beyond their own ridged bias and ignorance.

I was actually curious. It wasn't a loaded question and I'm not the PP who is attacking you. I can think of a number of really big family decisions where there would be no way I could accept someone else's decision if I completely disagreed. My list of dealbreakers is pretty tiny, but because this isn't the way it works in my family, it's pretty much hypothetical. I was hoping that someone for whom it's NOT hypothetical could weigh in about their actual experience.

If it's something like "I preferred school X for Larla while DH preferred school Y and because he's the decider, Larla goes to school Y" that's one thing. There is a thread on Expectant Moms right now where a woman is unexpectedly pregnant after infertility and wants to keep the baby, while her husband wants her to get an abortion. I am curious as to how the "head of household" PP(s) would resolve such a dilemma.

I was curious too. But people seem too bitter to answer.

I'm a feminist who is disgusted by possibly one or two rabidly upset posters who claim to be "feminists". I can now see why feminists get a bad name. I actually don't see the bitterness coming from the HoH posters. They actually seem quite comfortable with their lives and don't seem to care much about the "feminists" on here and whatever agenda they are trying to push. With each post, the "feminists" sound more and more unhinged and I'm trying to figure out what is so upsetting to them. The angry hostility is perplexing.

I don't like any general rule that men are the heads of households. My husband is definitely the follower in our marriage, in every way. I don't want to be made to feel unfeminine because I have strong leadership qualities and don't want a man telling me where to live or making any other major decisions for me.

But the thing is, you don't have to like it or accept it. How things work in your marriage is your own business, you don't see anyone badgering you about the rules in your house. This woman and her husband have figured out the way things work for them. They don't need your approval. She very patiently explained it to you, the way it works for HER and HER FAMILY. But you insist that you don't like it, don't understand it, and it's her fault for not making you understand. This makes you sound way more unhinged than her, in my opinion.

The poster in which you are responding is the head of her household. Her DH is a follower. she even seems more agressive in her rule that the man described as HoH. what I don't understand is why she's not in agreement with the same structure whrn the genders are reversed. In her world, only people born with vaginas can be leaders. A bit hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to crack a book and learn about the definition of feminism? Is it just one more fucking thing that women hold over each other's heads? I like owning property and having the right to vote. I like having choices in life. I like my role in my relationship.

Militant feminism is actually not feminism, but misandry. Actual feminism is not sexist. Don't confuse the two. It makes you look like an idiot. Men don't need to be feminized and women don't need to be masculine for us to be equal. That idea is BS.

Yeah, no. There isn't any authoritative definition of feminism. I guess we know that it means that women have as much inherent value as men. But, how that idea manifests in practice is the subject of great debate. You're pushing a variant of the "No True Scotsman" fallacy. "No true feminist would be sexist." Then you double down by calling anyone an idiot who thinks otherwise.

It's not a matter of debate:

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/feminism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it so hard to crack a book and learn about the definition of feminism? Is it just one more fucking thing that women hold over each other's heads? I like owning property and having the right to vote. I like having choices in life. I like my role in my relationship.

Militant feminism is actually not feminism, but misandry. Actual feminism is not sexist. Don't confuse the two. It makes you look like an idiot. Men don't need to be feminized and women don't need to be masculine for us to be equal. That idea is BS.

Yeah, no. There isn't any authoritative definition of feminism. I guess we know that it means that women have as much inherent value as men. But, how that idea manifests in practice is the subject of great debate. You're pushing a variant of the "No True Scotsman" fallacy. "No true feminist would be sexist." Then you double down by calling anyone an idiot who thinks otherwise.

It's not a matter of debate:

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/feminism

Nothing in there about militant feminism not being feminism. Nothing in there about not being sexist. You don't logic very well.

[Anonymous]

Are you incapable of googling "radical feminism?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you incapable of googling "radical feminism?"

For what purpose? To "prove" that sexism is part of feminism or to "prove" that sexism isn't part of "real" feminism?

Either way, here you go:
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=radical+feminism#

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you incapable of googling "radical feminism?"

For what purpose? To "prove" that sexism is part of feminism or to "prove" that sexism isn't part of "real" feminism?

Either way, here you go:
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=radical+feminism#

New poster here. It is clear that you and a few others on here hate men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a feminist, but my DH is head of the household. What it means is this: sometimes you just can not come to an agreement. Some times both of you feel the other is wrong. When we get to that point, we go with his decision because he is the head.

Every family must have a way to cope when this happens. If this has never happened to you, consider yourself very lucky. It happens to most couples at least at 1 point in their marriage.

In some families, even families with very feminine Stay at home women, the woman really is the head and her decision carries. In my family, it is DH.

ACK, such subservience! In my family, since we have no head of household, we default to the person who feels most strongly about the decision getting his or her way. Doesn't that make much more sense? Unless your husband is smarter or better educated than you are, which, if true, ACK!!!!

You are lucky. Every few years, an issue comes up where we both feel very passionately, and do not agree. When that happens, I yield to him. The only other choice would be divorce, because there is no way we will agree. Mostly, this is about where we live and child-rearing issues.