BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at all the Bridezillas on this thread salty that people might actually have backbones.

What’s the word for the Princess making a big deal about her birthday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of the posters saying how the BIL is “family” and family is more important than anything else, do they not consider adult children family? When your kids are grown and scattered, it is not often that you can all be together, regardless of whether it’s a parent’s birthday or whatever occasion. To me, that family has significantly more importance than extended family.

I agree!!!! We cherish the times when we are together with all of our kids (3 kids, 2 launched in different cities (think 2 flights away) and one still in college also 2 flights and 2500 miles away). So it takes a lot of planning to manage getting everyone together somewhere. If it's not at home, it also means a AirBnB/VRBO rental which often cannot be cancelled less than 1 month out. A funeral of a close relative or friend is the only real reason I would consider adjusting our planned, well scheduled gathering as a family. It's okay to say no to invitations if it doesn't fit your schedule, even if its family

I agree, too!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even if it's your narcissistic mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's perfectly reasonable not to attend the wedding. Yet, the OP doesn't come off well so it's hard to feel sympathetic.

Yes this is the crux of it. Be careful though or OP will cry misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I'm the PP (not the OP). It doesn't matter if it's bday celebration or not. It's planned events with friends and family, just like the BIL wedding. Except OP actually planned in advance (not 4 weeks out) and isn't expecting others to change/cacnel their plans to attend. When you plan in advance, people get to choose if they want to attend.

See, but this is the thing: people like OP deliberately plan many many months in advance so people simply don't have any excuses. They have to commit. My in-laws are like this. They start demanding we commit to visits, trips, anything. We have college and young adult kids and we finally just say, sorry, we just can't commit that far in advance--our kids' internships, jobs, school schedules, etc. just aren't set yet. OP is like them. She locked all this stuff in months in advance--for her birthday. Very very self-centered.

Wow, so I think OP's post doesn't make a lot of sense, but some of us plan months in advance because we HAVE to. We have elementary school aged kids, summer camp enrollment is in February, and my PTO is limited and has to cover holiday breaks as well. If I'm taking a week off work and we're avoiding camp weeks for a trip with family I have to know before January. Time off and childcare gets plotted months in advance. That's how it works.

My in laws all have no kids, adult/home schooled kids, and/or SAHPs, so none of them have ever had to plan for summer childcare or coordinate PTO for school breaks. But having to plan for a gigantic extended family summer rental before MAY is quite reasonable. Not everyone is flexible until the last minute.

Correct. Some people are flexible at the last minute, and others don't have crystal balls to know their situations months to a year out. This is particularly true of college and young adults who have internships, summer jobs, etc. but won't know what's possible for time off that far in advance. Get it? Life does not revolve around parents all the time--and advance planning doesn't work for everyone. You may desperately want to commit to that "gigantic extended family summer rental," but then please be fair to those who may have to wind up canceling because school or job commitments came up. It's the advance planners who lack any flexibililty that really irritate me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at all the Bridezillas on this thread salty that people might actually have backbones.

What’s the word for the Princess making a big deal about her birthday?

It’s called Good Planner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I'm the PP (not the OP). It doesn't matter if it's bday celebration or not. It's planned events with friends and family, just like the BIL wedding. Except OP actually planned in advance (not 4 weeks out) and isn't expecting others to change/cacnel their plans to attend. When you plan in advance, people get to choose if they want to attend.

See, but this is the thing: people like OP deliberately plan many many months in advance so people simply don't have any excuses. They have to commit. My in-laws are like this. They start demanding we commit to visits, trips, anything. We have college and young adult kids and we finally just say, sorry, we just can't commit that far in advance--our kids' internships, jobs, school schedules, etc. just aren't set yet. OP is like them. She locked all this stuff in months in advance--for her birthday. Very very self-centered.

Wow, so I think OP's post doesn't make a lot of sense, but some of us plan months in advance because we HAVE to. We have elementary school aged kids, summer camp enrollment is in February, and my PTO is limited and has to cover holiday breaks as well. If I'm taking a week off work and we're avoiding camp weeks for a trip with family I have to know before January. Time off and childcare gets plotted months in advance. That's how it works.

My in laws all have no kids, adult/home schooled kids, and/or SAHPs, so none of them have ever had to plan for summer childcare or coordinate PTO for school breaks. But having to plan for a gigantic extended family summer rental before MAY is quite reasonable. Not everyone is flexible until the last minute.

Correct. Some people are flexible at the last minute, and others don't have crystal balls to know their situations months to a year out. This is particularly true of college and young adults who have internships, summer jobs, etc. but won't know what's possible for time off that far in advance. Get it? Life does not revolve around parents all the time--and advance planning doesn't work for everyone. You may desperately want to commit to that "gigantic extended family summer rental," but then please be fair to those who may have to wind up canceling because school or job commitments came up. It's the advance planners who lack any flexibililty that really irritate me.

Oh, I don't desperately want to commit. I would rather plan my own vacation. But the eight young adult cousins and their partners who are coming are all allowed to telework from the rental, unlike me. My entire family will be sharing one room because our kids are the youngest, sharing a bathroom with an unknown number of said young adults, and we'll all be sharing the cost for the childless sibling and her partner who decided not to come. So no, really not feeling like life revolves around parents of young children. Sorry you're having that experience, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at all the Bridezillas on this thread salty that people might actually have backbones.

What’s the word for the Princess making a big deal about her birthday?

It’s called Good Planner.

Oh hon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I'm the PP (not the OP). It doesn't matter if it's bday celebration or not. It's planned events with friends and family, just like the BIL wedding. Except OP actually planned in advance (not 4 weeks out) and isn't expecting others to change/cacnel their plans to attend. When you plan in advance, people get to choose if they want to attend.

See, but this is the thing: people like OP deliberately plan many many months in advance so people simply don't have any excuses. They have to commit. My in-laws are like this. They start demanding we commit to visits, trips, anything. We have college and young adult kids and we finally just say, sorry, we just can't commit that far in advance--our kids' internships, jobs, school schedules, etc. just aren't set yet. OP is like them. She locked all this stuff in months in advance--for her birthday. Very very self-centered.

Wow, so I think OP's post doesn't make a lot of sense, but some of us plan months in advance because we HAVE to. We have elementary school aged kids, summer camp enrollment is in February, and my PTO is limited and has to cover holiday breaks as well. If I'm taking a week off work and we're avoiding camp weeks for a trip with family I have to know before January. Time off and childcare gets plotted months in advance. That's how it works.

My in laws all have no kids, adult/home schooled kids, and/or SAHPs, so none of them have ever had to plan for summer childcare or coordinate PTO for school breaks. But having to plan for a gigantic extended family summer rental before MAY is quite reasonable. Not everyone is flexible until the last minute.

Correct. Some people are flexible at the last minute, and others don't have crystal balls to know their situations months to a year out. This is particularly true of college and young adults who have internships, summer jobs, etc. but won't know what's possible for time off that far in advance. Get it? Life does not revolve around parents all the time--and advance planning doesn't work for everyone. You may desperately want to commit to that "gigantic extended family summer rental," but then please be fair to those who may have to wind up canceling because school or job commitments came up. It's the advance planners who lack any flexibililty that really irritate me.

Oh, I don't desperately want to commit. I would rather plan my own vacation. But the eight young adult cousins and their partners who are coming are all allowed to telework from the rental, unlike me. My entire family will be sharing one room because our kids are the youngest, sharing a bathroom with an unknown number of said young adults, and we'll all be sharing the cost for the childless sibling and her partner who decided not to come. So no, really not feeling like life revolves around parents of young children. Sorry you're having that experience, though.

So many people on this board just want to feel sorry for themselves. Lady, you are an adult with choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at all the Bridezillas on this thread salty that people might actually have backbones.

What’s the word for the Princess making a big deal about her birthday?

It’s called Good Planner.

Oh hon.

Get over it, Bridezilla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I'm the PP (not the OP). It doesn't matter if it's bday celebration or not. It's planned events with friends and family, just like the BIL wedding. Except OP actually planned in advance (not 4 weeks out) and isn't expecting others to change/cacnel their plans to attend. When you plan in advance, people get to choose if they want to attend.

See, but this is the thing: people like OP deliberately plan many many months in advance so people simply don't have any excuses. They have to commit. My in-laws are like this. They start demanding we commit to visits, trips, anything. We have college and young adult kids and we finally just say, sorry, we just can't commit that far in advance--our kids' internships, jobs, school schedules, etc. just aren't set yet. OP is like them. She locked all this stuff in months in advance--for her birthday. Very very self-centered.

Wow, so I think OP's post doesn't make a lot of sense, but some of us plan months in advance because we HAVE to. We have elementary school aged kids, summer camp enrollment is in February, and my PTO is limited and has to cover holiday breaks as well. If I'm taking a week off work and we're avoiding camp weeks for a trip with family I have to know before January. Time off and childcare gets plotted months in advance. That's how it works.

My in laws all have no kids, adult/home schooled kids, and/or SAHPs, so none of them have ever had to plan for summer childcare or coordinate PTO for school breaks. But having to plan for a gigantic extended family summer rental before MAY is quite reasonable. Not everyone is flexible until the last minute.

Correct. Some people are flexible at the last minute, and others don't have crystal balls to know their situations months to a year out. This is particularly true of college and young adults who have internships, summer jobs, etc. but won't know what's possible for time off that far in advance. Get it? Life does not revolve around parents all the time--and advance planning doesn't work for everyone. You may desperately want to commit to that "gigantic extended family summer rental," but then please be fair to those who may have to wind up canceling because school or job commitments came up. It's the advance planners who lack any flexibililty that really irritate me.

Oh, I don't desperately want to commit. I would rather plan my own vacation. But the eight young adult cousins and their partners who are coming are all allowed to telework from the rental, unlike me. My entire family will be sharing one room because our kids are the youngest, sharing a bathroom with an unknown number of said young adults, and we'll all be sharing the cost for the childless sibling and her partner who decided not to come. So no, really not feeling like life revolves around parents of young children. Sorry you're having that experience, though.

So many people on this board just want to feel sorry for themselves. Lady, you are an adult with choices.

Dp but isn't that what BIL is doing? Totally agree there are reasons that people either may need to plan or not plan far in advance (though i would consider a wedding halfway around the world to be one that requires advanced notice). It's all fine as long as people are understanding when others can't make it or can't commit. They are all adults making the choices they want and need to make.

Op and her family had set plans before the wedding date was set. They declined. BIL is actually the one whining and insisting that everyone drop their plans. The op said her husband repeated his response multiple times. BIL is a crybaby groomzilla.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage DH to attend the wedding, but no one else. Just go along with any other plans you have, no need for anyone else to fly across the world with four weeks notice.

And that's if you dh can even find a flight that won't bankrupt you all at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I'm the PP (not the OP). It doesn't matter if it's bday celebration or not. It's planned events with friends and family, just like the BIL wedding. Except OP actually planned in advance (not 4 weeks out) and isn't expecting others to change/cacnel their plans to attend. When you plan in advance, people get to choose if they want to attend.

See, but this is the thing: people like OP deliberately plan many many months in advance so people simply don't have any excuses. They have to commit. My in-laws are like this. They start demanding we commit to visits, trips, anything. We have college and young adult kids and we finally just say, sorry, we just can't commit that far in advance--our kids' internships, jobs, school schedules, etc. just aren't set yet. OP is like them. She locked all this stuff in months in advance--for her birthday. Very very self-centered.

How exactly is planning well in advance for events that matter to YOU "self-centered"?!?! you are free to change your response to NO if needed or wait until a few months before to fully commit. But someone who actually plans is not the problem.

If I'm arranging a party for any event, I like to have a clue how many most likely will come. Not paying for a venue for 50 if I only need it for 20. Don't care either way, just don't want to overpay for extra space if it's not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL at all the Bridezillas on this thread salty that people might actually have backbones.

What’s the word for the Princess making a big deal about her birthday?

Because "princess" planned her event well in advance and her kids arranged their schedules and booked flights to be together with FAMILY for a weekend. So it's not really about the Bday, but about the immediate family planning to gather (something that requires effort and$$ AND EFFORT by everyone to make happen). It's really not that difficult to understand. They planned and people adjusted work schedules/time off and booked flights. I don't adjust my events that are organized and planned in advance for someone who cannot plan (except for funerals, that you obviously cannot plan for). Otherwise, you respond NO and if you plan something last minute, you expect to get more No's.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe there are 29 pages and anything but a consensus that a mandate to attend a wedding in Australia with 4 freaking weeks notice is a non-starter. 1 month’s notice after a 2 year engagement for a second marriage? Lmfao.

[Anonymous]

19 pages. But still.