MIL ate my birthday chocolates

[Anonymous]

Oh no!!!!! So your subject line os misleading. For me the super mega big issue is that she opened the package!!!!!! What a crazy story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If younger, I’d have gone really crazy. It would have ruined my outing.

Now I’d get upset, but I’d reason it away from my mind.

What’s more, the cost of the babysitter of the chocolate? Next time mail it to your MIL for her bday.

What brand was it? I’d love to try it.

This. It sucks and showed a lack of boundaries. Consider it the cost of babysitting and next time hire an actual sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op this is unbelievable. You sound like you have showed remarkable restraint.

To the people defending the MIL behavior - that is so messed up. She obviously disrespectfully and carelessly Crossed major boundaries (and it is illegal) by opening birthday mail and gift not marked to her. The fact that she helped herself to her DIL’s favorite chocolates that were thoughtfully sent by her parents, without notice let alone permission, is appalling.

If PPs justifying this terrible behavior have such poor boundaries with their family members, then God help their children in law.

However, I don’t agree with revenge tactics or playing silly games. OP, I would ask your husband to talk to her and firmly state that she crossed boundaries that are there to help everyone to enjoy healthy family relationships. MIL also needs to apologize to her DIL. OP Pay her for the baby sitting if necessary, but don’t let her think this behavior is acceptable or justified.

Your children benefit from having grandparents present (as long as they don’t undermine you as parents). So I would work hard on boundaries that serve all of you well.

Good luck OP! Hope she apologizes and you can forgive her and forge a better new path together.

This

+ one

Clear crossing of Personal and legal boundaries. Not acceptable and MIL needs to apologize and desist.

Do not agree to let your MIL sit your children if she cannot respect basic boundaries - what would she do next? “Borrow” your clothes without permission to share with other family members who like your style? As just one example of boundary issues, my own mother gave away my hard saved for furniture to siblings while I was traveling and they trashed it I forgave her and my sibling, but did not rely on her for storing anything ever again and never let her babysit our kids as she was a fan of harsh words and harsh smacks for discipline. I was able to maintain a relatively good relationship with her because I set clear boundaries with her.

Also agree good idea to give MIL the same chocolates for Xmas if it can be done from where you live. To make sure your point is perfectly clear, without being confrontational, I would draw bright red messages on the parcel: “only to be opened by addressee” and “illegal for non addressees to tamper with this package”.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If younger, I’d have gone really crazy. It would have ruined my outing.

Now I’d get upset, but I’d reason it away from my mind.

What’s more, the cost of the babysitter of the chocolate? Next time mail it to your MIL for her bday.

What brand was it? I’d love to try it.

This. It sucks and showed a lack of boundaries. Consider it the cost of babysitting and next time hire an actual sitter.

Did you read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Forget about the chocolates. She opened your mail. I'd limit access to your home without you present. If she says anything you can remind her: "Barb, last time you stayed with the baby alone, you opened my mail."

[Anonymous]

I'd just send her the remainder of the box for Xmas and order a fresh box for yourself. I'm sorry OP--that must have felt really violating.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand people who argue that blatant boundary stepping like this should be excused “because MIL was doing you a favor.” So if someone does you a favor, you’re not allowed to be upset if they violate your privacy or cross boundaries? Where does it end? I swear, if a poster wrote that her MIL came over to babysit and while she was there used OP’s vibrator and had sex in her bed, there’d be someone on here arguing that next time OP should leave it out for her with some chocolates on the pillow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op this is unbelievable. You sound like you have showed remarkable restraint.

To the people defending the MIL behavior - that is so messed up. She obviously disrespectfully and carelessly Crossed major boundaries (and it is illegal) by opening birthday mail and gift not marked to her. The fact that she helped herself to her DIL’s favorite chocolates that were thoughtfully sent by her parents, without notice let alone permission, is appalling.

If PPs justifying this terrible behavior have such poor boundaries with their family members, then God help their children in law.

However, I don’t agree with revenge tactics or playing silly games. OP, I would ask your husband to talk to her and firmly state that she crossed boundaries that are there to help everyone to enjoy healthy family relationships. MIL also needs to apologize to her DIL. OP Pay her for the baby sitting if necessary, but don’t let her think this behavior is acceptable or justified.

Your children benefit from having grandparents present (as long as they don’t undermine you as parents). So I would work hard on boundaries that serve all of you well.

Good luck OP! Hope she apologizes and you can forgive her and forge a better new path together.

I generally agree with this but with a similar MIL... I don't know, if you have to explain why open the mail and eating it isn't appropriate, yes, an explanation may mean that she doesn't open the mail and eat it again, but clearly there's somehting larger that she doesn't get

This

[Anonymous]

That's great. Now you know to get your MIL those chocolate for her birthday and xmas and you will be happy and she will be happy.

[Anonymous]

I would permanently abolish all contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's great. Now you know to get your MIL those chocolate for her birthday and xmas and you will be happy and she will be happy.

Huh? Why would OP be happy that her MIL goes through her mail and opens her packages? And then after realizing it’s a birthday present, unwraps it snd eats her present?

This makes no sense.

It’s like saying if someone punches you in the face you should buy them a punching bag and boxing gloves. Then the person who punched you will be happy snd you’ll be happy!

[Anonymous]

When I was 14 and babysat for a certain couple, I would sneak pieces of this frozen cream pie they always had. But I absolutely didn't brag about it and I hoped I wouldn't get caught!

[Anonymous]

WTF is wrong with her?!

[Anonymous]

One possibility--is MIL someone who cannot control her cravings when she sees a treat? I wonder if this was simply giving into temptation and then knowing she shouldn't have she decided offense was the best defense since she was busted regardless. (same pp who stole pieces of frozen pie). Not making excuses for her lack of self control, but it's an explanation that doesn't entail conscious and blatant disrespect. A misdemeanor vs a felony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One possibility--is MIL someone who cannot control her cravings when she sees a treat? I wonder if this was simply giving into temptation and then knowing she shouldn't have she decided offense was the best defense since she was busted regardless. (same pp who stole pieces of frozen pie). Not making excuses for her lack of self control, but it's an explanation that doesn't entail conscious and blatant disrespect. A misdemeanor vs a felony.

The multiple pieces of cream pie in the freezer weren’t someone else’s mail and unopened, clearly labeled birthday present, so no,