MIL ate my birthday chocolates

[Anonymous]

I love the houseguests who are so boring all they do is cook for themselves all day and use up everything they see. Then never tell you what’s depletes so for the next month after they finally leave you keep discovering foodstuff and ingredients you are out of. Good times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op this is unbelievable. You sound like you have showed remarkable restraint.

To the people defending the MIL behavior - that is so messed up. She obviously disrespectfully and carelessly Crossed major boundaries (and it is illegal) by opening birthday mail and gift not marked to her. The fact that she helped herself to her DIL’s favorite chocolates that were thoughtfully sent by her parents, without notice let alone permission, is appalling.

If PPs justifying this terrible behavior have such poor boundaries with their family members, then God help their children in law.

However, I don’t agree with revenge tactics or playing silly games. OP, I would ask your husband to talk to her and firmly state that she crossed boundaries that are there to help everyone to enjoy healthy family relationships. MIL also needs to apologize to her DIL. OP Pay her for the baby sitting if necessary, but don’t let her think this behavior is acceptable or justified.

Your children benefit from having grandparents present (as long as they don’t undermine you as parents). So I would work hard on boundaries that serve all of you well.

Good luck OP! Hope she apologizes and you can forgive her and forge a better new path together.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was the funniest thing I've ever read.

I've had chocolate shipped from where I live (another COUNTRY) and while it's nice treat (and talk about overseas shipping) I can't imagine being as pissed off as the OP.

And she just watched the kids while you went away.

And seriously, OP...grow the F up.

This. The woman just babysat for you for free. Consider it payment in kind, OP.

This is stupid. It was a kindness to schedule the grandparents weekend with the children. It’s so annoying how some people assume everyone is begging for free babysitting. Guess what? It’s a ton more work to get the house ready for a MIl/FIL visit. I would MUCH rather schedule a sleepover with one of my kids friends or even hire a college aged babysitter to watch them. The grandparents are always asking for more time with the grandkids so this was probably a way to say yes to the request. At least that’s how it would be in my family.

There must be a lot of entitled and delusional grandparents on this board.

I can’t imagine opening someone else’s birthday present, let alone thinking spending time with your grandchildren means you can do whatever you want and all boundaries are temporarily suspended. Nobody needs or wants babysitting that much. (I sure don’t.) And to pretend that it’s a quid pro quo when it’s actually going out of my way to say yes to the grandparents’ request is just gross.

I get so tired of hearing it was kind of the parents to allow grandparents to babysit.

Okay, then stop BEGGING me to let you babysit every time I see you!

If I don’t need or want childcare, how is it not a kindness to arrange for you to babysit???

Sure they BEG to help you out.

That’s the thing, it’s not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was the funniest thing I've ever read.

I've had chocolate shipped from where I live (another COUNTRY) and while it's nice treat (and talk about overseas shipping) I can't imagine being as pissed off as the OP.

And she just watched the kids while you went away.

And seriously, OP...grow the F up.

This. The woman just babysat for you for free. Consider it payment in kind, OP.

This is stupid. It was a kindness to schedule the grandparents weekend with the children. It’s so annoying how some people assume everyone is begging for free babysitting. Guess what? It’s a ton more work to get the house ready for a MIl/FIL visit. I would MUCH rather schedule a sleepover with one of my kids friends or even hire a college aged babysitter to watch them. The grandparents are always asking for more time with the grandkids so this was probably a way to say yes to the request. At least that’s how it would be in my family.

There must be a lot of entitled and delusional grandparents on this board.

I can’t imagine opening someone else’s birthday present, let alone thinking spending time with your grandchildren means you can do whatever you want and all boundaries are temporarily suspended. Nobody needs or wants babysitting that much. (I sure don’t.) And to pretend that it’s a quid pro quo when it’s actually going out of my way to say yes to the grandparents’ request is just gross.

I get so tired of hearing it was kind of the parents to allow grandparents to babysit.

It is a kindness when it is not only unnecessary because there are other local family, friends and sitters to do so, but it’s an extra burden to clean and cook and host them as houseguests. When I have my local aunt babysit for one night, I drop my kids off and pick them up the next day, no fuss. When my parents or ILs visit, they stay several days, and it’s a production. It’s worth it to maintain the relationship, but it is actually harder than just dropping off with my aunt—and we take her dogs when she travels, so it’s win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op this is unbelievable. You sound like you have showed remarkable restraint.

To the people defending the MIL behavior - that is so messed up. She obviously disrespectfully and carelessly Crossed major boundaries (and it is illegal) by opening birthday mail and gift not marked to her. The fact that she helped herself to her DIL’s favorite chocolates that were thoughtfully sent by her parents, without notice let alone permission, is appalling.

If PPs justifying this terrible behavior have such poor boundaries with their family members, then God help their children in law.

However, I don’t agree with revenge tactics or playing silly games. OP, I would ask your husband to talk to her and firmly state that she crossed boundaries that are there to help everyone to enjoy healthy family relationships. MIL also needs to apologize to her DIL. OP Pay her for the baby sitting if necessary, but don’t let her think this behavior is acceptable or justified.

Your children benefit from having grandparents present (as long as they don’t undermine you as parents). So I would work hard on boundaries that serve all of you well.

Good luck OP! Hope she apologizes and you can forgive her and forge a better new path together.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was the funniest thing I've ever read.

I've had chocolate shipped from where I live (another COUNTRY) and while it's nice treat (and talk about overseas shipping) I can't imagine being as pissed off as the OP.

And she just watched the kids while you went away.

And seriously, OP...grow the F up.

This. The woman just babysat for you for free. Consider it payment in kind, OP.

This is stupid. It was a kindness to schedule the grandparents weekend with the children. It’s so annoying how some people assume everyone is begging for free babysitting. Guess what? It’s a ton more work to get the house ready for a MIl/FIL visit. I would MUCH rather schedule a sleepover with one of my kids friends or even hire a college aged babysitter to watch them. The grandparents are always asking for more time with the grandkids so this was probably a way to say yes to the request. At least that’s how it would be in my family.

There must be a lot of entitled and delusional grandparents on this board.

I can’t imagine opening someone else’s birthday present, let alone thinking spending time with your grandchildren means you can do whatever you want and all boundaries are temporarily suspended. Nobody needs or wants babysitting that much. (I sure don’t.) And to pretend that it’s a quid pro quo when it’s actually going out of my way to say yes to the grandparents’ request is just gross.

I get so tired of hearing it was kind of the parents to allow grandparents to babysit.

Okay, then stop BEGGING me to let you babysit every time I see you!

If I don’t need or want childcare, how is it not a kindness to arrange for you to babysit???

+1. I realize this dynamic isn’t true for everyone but what’s the deal with grandparents who beg to watch the kids and then act like martyrs when they do? We host my MIL annually and, every time, she would harass DH and I about going out to dinner so she could watch the kids. We’d come back and she’d make jokes about how we owe her or have to start paying her and complain about how exhausting it was. After the second or third time it happened I stopped agreeing to let her watch them. Now she thinks we are helicopter parents who don’t trust her to watch the kids and complains about that. I don’t get it!

[Anonymous]

These are bored passive aggressive old women with nothing else to do. Begging to watch grandchildren and then whining that they are owed something is looking for attention. The OP’s MIL gloating about eating her birthday present was MIL getting back at her for not flaunting over MIl or doing enough to lavish praise or whatever. These women expect something that they aren’t getting and are bitter about it. Let them be and just limit contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are bored passive aggressive old women with nothing else to do. Begging to watch grandchildren and then whining that they are owed something is looking for attention. The OP’s MIL gloating about eating her birthday present was MIL getting back at her for not flaunting over MIl or doing enough to lavish praise or whatever. These women expect something that they aren’t getting and are bitter about it. Let them be and just limit contact.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL's package absolutely not but you guys would seriously never open a package delivered to your own spouse why? I would assume my spouse wouldn't be receiving anything that he would have to actively hide from me. My spouse and I open packages addressed to each other all the time and we don't think twice of it. We are married and whoever happens to get to the package first just automatically opens it. 🤷

Because I don't want to have to deal with breaking down the boxes and cutting the air packs and disposing of it all. So tedious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now you know what to get her for Christmas

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now you know what to get her for Christmas

+1

I hope you mean a half-eaten box of drugstore chocolates as a gag gift. Why would OP buy for her MIL? That’s husband’s job. If he remembers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL's package absolutely not but you guys would seriously never open a package delivered to your own spouse why? I would assume my spouse wouldn't be receiving anything that he would have to actively hide from me. My spouse and I open packages addressed to each other all the time and we don't think twice of it. We are married and whoever happens to get to the package first just automatically opens it. 🤷

Because I don't want to have to deal with breaking down the boxes and cutting the air packs and disposing of it all. So tedious!

This. But don’t PP or her DH ever order presents for each other? I don’t want DH opening up his birthday present early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now you know what to get her for Christmas

+1

I hope you mean a half-eaten box of drugstore chocolates as a gag gift. Why would OP buy for her MIL? That’s husband’s job. If he remembers.

And if OP’s husband does buy MIL chocolate, she better take a few of the best ones!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL's package absolutely not but you guys would seriously never open a package delivered to your own spouse why? I would assume my spouse wouldn't be receiving anything that he would have to actively hide from me. My spouse and I open packages addressed to each other all the time and we don't think twice of it. We are married and whoever happens to get to the package first just automatically opens it. 🤷

Because I don't want to have to deal with breaking down the boxes and cutting the air packs and disposing of it all. So tedious!

I don't open packages addressed to my DH unless he's on an extended business trip-- and only then, if I'm pretty sure it's not something like my Christmas gift. I do open mail addressed to him, because he's somewhat disorganized with bills and finances. I don't open his personal mail unless it's clear it's going to need an RSVP.
It's all a judgement call.
What OP's MIL did was jaw dropping-- can't imagine how I might react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DIL's package absolutely not but you guys would seriously never open a package delivered to your own spouse why? I would assume my spouse wouldn't be receiving anything that he would have to actively hide from me. My spouse and I open packages addressed to each other all the time and we don't think twice of it. We are married and whoever happens to get to the package first just automatically opens it. 🤷

Because I don't want to have to deal with breaking down the boxes and cutting the air packs and disposing of it all. So tedious!

This. But don’t PP or her DH ever order presents for each other? I don’t want DH opening up his birthday present early.

Also, DH works from home mostly now, and sometimes it’s work related. I don’t want to mess with that. Plus, I don’t want to have to find a home for whatever he ordered in addition to breaking down the box. I might forget to let him know it arrived, then he’s wondering where it is. Unless he tells me he’s expecting a package and I should open it, I leave it for him.