Husband Concerned About My Boss

[Anonymous]

My husband is convinced that my boss and I are involved. There is absolutely nothing beyond a work relationship. My husband has a history of worrying about other men. This is the case with me as well as in his past relationships. We have been to counseling for these fears and we have worked over the years to build his trust. I would never do anything to damage that. Now my husband is asking me to avoid going to my bosses office. This will impact my ability to do my work. I want to show my husband that he does not need to worry, but this seems to somehow cross a line... Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

You either still have a major trust issue in your marriage or your husband has one or more insecurity/paranoia/anxiety/jealousy issues or you are cheating or have cheated in the past and his concerns are valid.

You need to deal with those issues.

Why does he think you and the boss are involved? Does he have any 'facts' that are leading him to be concerned?

[Anonymous]

OP here. No, there are no facts that would lead my husband to the conclusion that something is going on. I let my husband look through my work email, knowing that it would be boring and thinking that it would ease his mine. But, my husband expressed concern about an email in which I told my boss that I hope he feels better after he sent an email saying he was sick. Really? I don't think that is inappropriate or a sign of some hidden interest. You are accurate about my husband and me having a major trust issue. Like I said, we've gone to counseling for and worked on this issue. It was better for a while, but we seem to have regressed with this boss concern. I want to help him feel better-- he mentions that he is hurting and scared because of what he is "convinced" is happening-- but it's hard for me to agree to something that will damage my career when his cause for concern is completely unfounded. Being successful at work is important to me.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is jealous, a major problem. Either he needs to get over it, or you two need to get to counseling again.

Jealousy ruins marriages, from friends experiences.

[Anonymous]

My dad was like this, and it moved on to stalking of my mom regarding her percieved "relationships" and just ruined his third marriage the same way. You do not need to work on trust issues if there was never any reason to doubt you. My dad has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, btw. I would instead lay down serious boundaries and not allow him to imply you would be unfaithful. My dad's last ex-wife said he could hire a private investigator to follow her around because she so was not cheating, nor had she ever. You'll never be able to convince him, if he has the same issues as my Dad. Isn't this incredibly insulting to you?

[Anonymous]

Op what do you think your DH's issue is?

Is he jealous and controlling?

Is he paranoid? Super anxious?

Is he really insecure and needy?

Does he have mental health problems?

Has he accused you of other things that aren't true?

How does he treat you outside of this 'cheating' issue?

[Anonymous]

What is he afraid of? An affair could devastate the most outwardly confident person, but something else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Marriage...counseling....

This is a no brainer. If you care about him and want to keep the relationship going, sign yourselves up for some therapy. Give DH the option of going it alone too if he prefers that.

[Anonymous]

How would your husband know you are going to your boss's office? You need to set some boundaries with him if he is grilling you when you get home. If he asks if you went to your boss's office just tell him you are at work & always maintain a professional relationship, end of discussion.

[Anonymous]

This has red flags written all over it. Unless you had an extramarital affair with a co-worker, there is no reason for your husband to be this controlling and jealous. This is unhealthy and not normal.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a beta who can't see why you wouldn't be attracted to an alpha boss. Other boys were probably more aggressive on the playground than your husband and the girls paid more attention to those other boys because of it.

And now, decades later, it's screwing with your marriage. Maybe fawn over his manliness and see if it helps.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how people put up with spouses like this. Seems suffocating.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's trying to control you via guilt. It's not about the boss, something else going on here. The boss is just a smokescreen.

[Anonymous]

Have you previously cheated on your spouse or crossed the line with a coworker?

[Anonymous]

You need joint counseling. And stop indulging him. You let him read your work email, and of course he found something, no matter how tenuous, to complain about. Stop letting him read your work email, don't get into all the details about work with him. "How was work?" "Fine." End of discussion. He definitely needs help.