Husband Concerned About My Boss

[Anonymous]

You need joint counseling. And stop indulging him. You let him read your work email, and of course he found something, no matter how tenuous, to complain about. Stop letting him read your work email, don't get into all the details about work with him. "How was work?" "Fine." End of discussion. He definitely needs help.

[Anonymous]

Some men who are that jealous are having affairs themselves and assume everyone else is too. We had a dirty old man in our extended family. Made passes & inappropriate remarks to lots of women when his wife's back was turned. He got jealous of any business she did with men anywhere. Guilty dog barks.

Or he is just insanely insecure. I worked with a woman years ago whose DH was much like your's. Several of us shared a phone at work & he'd get upset that someone else answered her phone, stuff like that.

Hope you can work this out or you may need to dump him if he gets worse.

[Anonymous]

If OP is being accurate and this guy is being paranoid for absolutely no reason at all (aside from the possibility that he may be cheating himself), it actually sounds to me like he has a mental illness issue, as opposed to being an outright jerk. There are a lot of people who display this type of paranoia in a disease context.

[Anonymous]

OP, I fear for you. Seriously. Your husband is sick. And the fact that you think you can "reassure him" by giving him access to and control of the minutia of your life? Not good. Not good at all. This is going to get worse and worse. Your husband is going to read an affair into a comma.

[Anonymous]

Do what you can to get to the bottom of this. Assaults & shootings have sometimes stemmed from this kind of sick jealousy.

[Anonymous]

I think OP tap danced around if she cheated in the past. I think the answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is convinced that my boss and I are involved. There is absolutely nothing beyond a work relationship. My husband has a history of worrying about other men. This is the case with me as well as in his past relationships. We have been to counseling for these fears and we have worked over the years to build his trust. I would never do anything to damage that. Now my husband is asking me to avoid going to my bosses office. This will impact my ability to do my work. I want to show my husband that he does not need to worry, but this seems to somehow cross a line... Any thoughts?

We aren't getting the full story here People generally don't believe someone is cheating unless something happened to make them think this. My intuition tells me that you cheated on your husband in the past. In my mind, that is the only reason he would think you are cheating now. If my spouse cheated on me, I would always be suspicious from then on.

[Anonymous]

The people who are convinced that OP somehow cheated in the past have no idea of the parameters of a controlling and jealous relationship. It does not take real ammunition to set off a jealous and controlling spouse. OP could be a lesbian nun living in a locked closet and if her spouse is jealous and controlling he would be convinced that she is somehow tempting every man in the neighborhood. This is not her fault, and people who feel she must have had an affair in order to merit this treatment are missing the point. You are blaming the victim here. As another poster said, the minute OP allowed her husband to look at her email account, it was a foregone conclusion that he was going to fine some innocent statement and turn it into some kind of potboiler of lust. Because that is who HE IS. It has nothing to do with who she is.

[Anonymous]

Sure, some people are insecure for no reason. But lots of people have reasons. Sometimes very, very good reasons.

I guess for starters, who does OP find sexier: husband or boss? If it's boss, then look if there are ways in which this fact has been communicated to husband. If it's husband that gets her fired up, then maybe he is just a paranoid jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, some people are insecure for no reason. But lots of people have reasons. Sometimes very, very good reasons.

I guess for starters, who does OP find sexier: husband or boss? If it's boss, then look if there are ways in which this fact has been communicated to husband. If it's husband that gets her fired up, then maybe he is just a paranoid jerk.

People who are insecure need to own their insecurity. Asking a working woman not to enter her boss' office is absolutely absurd. How the hell is that going to play out? How would you react if your insecure wife asked you not to enter your female supervisor's office, even if you had given her reason in the past to feel insecure? Would you feel you could continue working at your job?

[Anonymous]

Is his office in his bedroom?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being abused, and you area already a good way down the abuse path if you put up with the abuse and even modifying your behavior and trying to "show" your husband that he does not have anything to fear. the problem is not you, it is him. there is no amount of words or behavioral changes on your part that can satisfy him, the more you do to show that you are a "good" wife, there more he will ask. you should dump him and run as fast as you can. it sounds harsh, but the reality is that he will make your life hell, day by day, until one day you will become a shell of a person. unless HE recognizes his problem and actively works to address it, there is nothing you can do other than be his victim. good luck

[Anonymous]

We aren't getting the full story here People generally don't believe someone is cheating unless something happened to make them think this. My intuition tells me that you cheated on your husband in the past. In my mind, that is the only reason he would think you are cheating now. If my spouse cheated on me, I would always be suspicious from then on.

You have obviously never known a severely jealous man or woman. They are sick people who live in paranoia. Every glance, every word spoken anywhere means something. Every phone call is suspicious. Some of them are cheating themselves and don't think anyone else could avoid it either. The waiter, mechanic, mailman, milkman, boss, cousin, etc. are all after his wife & she is after them. Jealousy often extends to friends & extended family. "Your BIL got where he is by ass kissing. He has no brains to advance by his work". "Your sister got where she is by sleeping with the boss". Nothing is his fault, the world has it in for him, everyone else got a better deal. He refuses to confront his own worst enemy in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

We aren't getting the full story here People generally don't believe someone is cheating unless something happened to make them think this. My intuition tells me that you cheated on your husband in the past. In my mind, that is the only reason he would think you are cheating now. If my spouse cheated on me, I would always be suspicious from then on.

You have obviously never known a severely jealous man or woman. They are sick people who live in paranoia. Every glance, every word spoken anywhere means something. Every phone call is suspicious. Some of them are cheating themselves and don't think anyone else could avoid it either. The waiter, mechanic, mailman, milkman, boss, cousin, etc. are all after his wife & she is after them. Jealousy often extends to friends & extended family. "Your BIL got where he is by ass kissing. He has no brains to advance by his work". "Your sister got where she is by sleeping with the boss". Nothing is his fault, the world has it in for him, everyone else got a better deal. He refuses to confront his own worst enemy in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

If this has been going on for years, no improvement & counseling hasn't helped, you need to seriously consider cutting the rope and let him drift. He either can't change his thinking or doesn't want to. This could wind up with you losing all your friends, unable to do your job, unable to socialize, etc. Worst case, he could injure or kill you. I've seen it happen a few times.

Chronically negative people suck the life out of others, bit by bit. That is their only small bit of pleasure.