Slightly Irritating Things Your In-Laws Do

[Anonymous]

Mine always offer to bring food, which is very nice, but they bring WAY more than we agreed upon. That sounds nice, but it isn't after I have cooked and baked and prepared for holiday visits, and fridge/freezer and counter space are at a premium.

Like, thanks for bringing a pan of stuffing, an entire ham and two dozen deviled eggs for Thanksgiving when you were just supposed to bring a pie and a bottle of wine. Where the hell do you think I'm going to store all that?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine always offer to bring food, which is very nice, but they bring WAY more than we agreed upon. That sounds nice, but it isn't after I have cooked and baked and prepared for holiday visits, and fridge/freezer and counter space are at a premium.

Like, thanks for bringing a pan of stuffing, an entire ham and two dozen deviled eggs for Thanksgiving when you were just supposed to bring a pie and a bottle of wine. Where the hell do you think I'm going to store all that?!

DP Since you know they make all this food have you thought of making less?

[Anonymous]

We get zero sleep at their house (kids all in our room on the floor and the mattress sucks) so dh and I chug caffeine the entire visit. They see us buying soda and bringing it. So now they have soda for us- caffeine free. Sigh. They also bought me caffeine free tea for in the morning. We joke about when they're going to switch the coffee on us to decaf and not tell us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refuse to use coasters on the furniture or place cups right on the countertops, which need no coasters. For some reason, both our moms always have a paper napkin under their mug. But these women never want to use a whole paper towel, they tear tiny bits of the roll, and reuse ziplocks and cling wrap. Baffling.

I reuse ziplocks, depending, but cling wrap?

I’m the PP. so funny you bumped this. I’m one day postpartum and the grandparents are all in town “helping.” I keep trying to have patience and thankful for the help, but they are all driving me batty with their crazy questions and bizarre food situations. No, MIL, I don’t know if we have white vinegar...?

[Anonymous]

SIL refuses to let us have keys to his house, even though we watch kids pretty much full time and need to have access at times to get clothing, sports equipment, etc. If we don't remember to ask in advance we're out of luck. We are not busybodies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine always offer to bring food, which is very nice, but they bring WAY more than we agreed upon. That sounds nice, but it isn't after I have cooked and baked and prepared for holiday visits, and fridge/freezer and counter space are at a premium.

Like, thanks for bringing a pan of stuffing, an entire ham and two dozen deviled eggs for Thanksgiving when you were just supposed to bring a pie and a bottle of wine. Where the hell do you think I'm going to store all that?!

DP Since you know they make all this food have you thought of making less?

If I'm hosting Thanksgiving, and have asked other people to bring X and Y, and they agreed to that, do you really think I shouldn't make STUFFING on the off chance that MIL has decided to make and bring it on a whim? Her whim-contributions change every year. I'm not going to not make mashed potatoes because someone might unilaterally decide to bring them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refuse to use coasters on the furniture or place cups right on the countertops, which need no coasters. For some reason, both our moms always have a paper napkin under their mug. But these women never want to use a whole paper towel, they tear tiny bits of the roll, and reuse ziplocks and cling wrap. Baffling.

I reuse ziplocks, depending, but cling wrap?

I’m the PP. so funny you bumped this. I’m one day postpartum and the grandparents are all in town “helping.” I keep trying to have patience and thankful for the help, but they are all driving me batty with their crazy questions and bizarre food situations. No, MIL, I don’t know if we have white vinegar...?

Congrats on your baby! DP here.

Direct any and all questions or "ideas" to DH. "Mary, I'm resting. Brad is going to be head of household this visit, OK?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL refuses to let us have keys to his house, even though we watch kids pretty much full time and need to have access at times to get clothing, sports equipment, etc. If we don't remember to ask in advance we're out of luck. We are not busybodies.

You may not think you're busibodies, or intrusive. But if you ever gossip around him, he may feel uncomfortable with you, and that he cannot trust you. My ILs have never "beytrayed" me directly, but I do not trust them, at all, because of what they say about other people's very personal business around me.

It's kind of funny to see them not get this. They'll spend 30 minutes telling us gory details from Uncle Jim's latest surgery and recovery, then they'll tell us how Cousin Linda just bought a fancy new car even though she was dead broke two years ago. "And what's new with you, Larla?"

Yeah, nothing. You are getting NOTHING from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just for fun...

What are the most (mildly) irritating habits or things your in-laws do?

I’ll start:
Despite being born/raised in the US, MIL refers to the US as “the States.”

When an ambulance drives by with a siren on, FIL makes a big show out of clamping his hands over his ears until it passes.[/quote]

DP I'm not an in-law and I do this too. Maybe your FIL is very sensitive to loud noises? I am and also I am trying to keep my hearing! Try not to roll your eyes on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL refuses to let us have keys to his house, even though we watch kids pretty much full time and need to have access at times to get clothing, sports equipment, etc. If we don't remember to ask in advance we're out of luck. We are not busybodies.

You may not think you're busibodies, or intrusive. But if you ever gossip around him, he may feel uncomfortable with you, and that he cannot trust you. My ILs have never "beytrayed" me directly, but I do not trust them, at all, because of what they say about other people's very personal business around me.

It's kind of funny to see them not get this. They'll spend 30 minutes telling us gory details from Uncle Jim's latest surgery and recovery, then they'll tell us how Cousin Linda just bought a fancy new car even though she was dead broke two years ago. "And what's new with you, Larla?"

Yeah, nothing. You are getting NOTHING from me.

Humans have been communicating for millions of years. How is telling information about an uncle's surgery gossip? Would you prefer that you knew nothing about Uncle Jim and then when you see him have no idea that he lost an arm or can't walk? What did you talk about growing up in your family? Sports? the weather? I suppose you would consider passing information "gossip" but, in our family it is more interesting to find out information about family members we care about. I don't care where the neighbor kids go to college but, admit curious about where cousins go. How is that bad? When you share information about yourself than you form intimacy. And I'm not talking about when you went to the bathroom.

However, you gave me insight on an in-plaw so that is perhaps how she rolls too. Even if she went to Paris she never shares ANYTHING. Everything was good and fun. How boring is that? Would it kill you to tell us something fun you did in Paris? The only thng I know about her after twenty years is her favorite ice cream flavor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL refuses to let us have keys to his house, even though we watch kids pretty much full time and need to have access at times to get clothing, sports equipment, etc. If we don't remember to ask in advance we're out of luck. We are not busybodies.

You may not think you're busibodies, or intrusive. But if you ever gossip around him, he may feel uncomfortable with you, and that he cannot trust you. My ILs have never "beytrayed" me directly, but I do not trust them, at all, because of what they say about other people's very personal business around me.

It's kind of funny to see them not get this. They'll spend 30 minutes telling us gory details from Uncle Jim's latest surgery and recovery, then they'll tell us how Cousin Linda just bought a fancy new car even though she was dead broke two years ago. "And what's new with you, Larla?"

Yeah, nothing. You are getting NOTHING from me.

Humans have been communicating for millions of years. How is telling information about an uncle's surgery gossip? Would you prefer that you knew nothing about Uncle Jim and then when you see him have no idea that he lost an arm or can't walk? What did you talk about growing up in your family? Sports? the weather? I suppose you would consider passing information "gossip" but, in our family it is more interesting to find out information about family members we care about. I don't care where the neighbor kids go to college but, admit curious about where cousins go. How is that bad? When you share information about yourself than you form intimacy. And I'm not talking about when you went to the bathroom.

However, you gave me insight on an in-plaw so that is perhaps how she rolls too. Even if she went to Paris she never shares ANYTHING. Everything was good and fun. How boring is that? Would it kill you to tell us something fun you did in Paris? The only thng I know about her after twenty years is her favorite ice cream flavor.

It is one thing to tell that a surgery is happening, and how it went. Going into details about very personal bodily functions and troubles that have absolutely no purpose than to be a "tragedy vulture" is completely rude and unnecessary. And yes, they have done this. Knowing how she gossips, I did not tell my MIL one single, solitary detail of how I was doing during my pregnancy or after my C-section beyond "everything is going well," "I'm recovering slowly but well," "I had to be re-hospitalized due to an infection." Broad strokes, NO details.

Working in broad stokes to say that "Cousin Karen won't be able to attend the wedding because of financial constraints" is sharing information. Going into gory, gossipy detail again is completely unnecessary. SPECULATING about how so and so ended up in a precarious financial place, etc. And yes, this has happened.

Information is one thing. Gossip is another. And I know it when I hear it. And once I know you to be a gossip, you will never be allowed in my trusted inner circle, because you have showed yourself for what you are.

And no, details of a fun trip, willingly shared, isn't gossip. Come on. I am not saying I never talk about anything. But if you can't be trusted to be a close confidante, don't wonder why you are shut out.