Reply to Slightly Irritating Things Your In-Laws Do

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SIL refuses to let us have keys to his house, even though we watch kids pretty much full time and need to have access at times to get clothing, sports equipment, etc. If we don't remember to ask in advance we're out of luck. We are not busybodies.
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You may not think you're busibodies, or intrusive. But if you ever [b]gossip [/b]around him, he may feel uncomfortable with you, and that he cannot trust you. My ILs have never "beytrayed" me directly, but I do not trust them, at all, because of what they say about other people's very personal business around me.

It's kind of funny to see them not get this. They'll spend 30 minutes telling us gory details from Uncle Jim's latest surgery and recovery, then they'll tell us how Cousin Linda just bought a fancy new car even though she was dead broke two years ago. "And what's new with you, Larla?"

Yeah, nothing. You are getting NOTHING from me.[/quote]

Humans have been communicating for millions of years.  How is telling information about an uncle's surgery gossip?  Would you prefer that you knew nothing about Uncle Jim and then when you see him have no idea that he lost an arm or can't walk?  What did you talk about growing up in your family?  Sports?  the weather?  I suppose you would consider passing information "gossip" but, in our family it is more interesting to find out information about family members we care about.  I don't care where the neighbor kids go to college but, admit curious about where cousins go.   How is that bad?  When you share information about yourself than you form intimacy.   And I'm not talking about when you went to the bathroom.

However, you gave me insight on an in-plaw so that is perhaps how she rolls too.  Even if she went to Paris she never shares ANYTHING.  Everything was good and fun.  How boring is that?  Would it kill you to tell us something fun you did in Paris?  The only thng I know about her after twenty years is her favorite ice cream flavor. 
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It is one thing to tell that a surgery is happening, and how it went. Going into details about very personal bodily functions and troubles that have absolutely no purpose than to be a "tragedy vulture" is completely rude and unnecessary. And yes, they have done this. Knowing how she gossips, I did not tell my MIL one single, solitary detail of how I was doing during my pregnancy or after my C-section beyond "everything is going well," "I'm recovering slowly but well," "I had to be re-hospitalized due to an infection." Broad strokes, NO details.

Working in broad stokes to say that "Cousin Karen won't be able to attend the wedding because of financial constraints" is sharing information. Going into gory, gossipy detail again is completely unnecessary. SPECULATING about how so and so ended up in a precarious financial place, etc. And yes, this has happened.

Information is one thing. Gossip is another. And I know it when I hear it. And once I know you to be a gossip, you will never be allowed in my trusted inner circle, because you have showed yourself for what you are.

And no, details of a fun trip, willingly shared, isn't gossip. Come on. I am not saying I never talk about anything. But if you can't be trusted to be a close confidante, don't wonder why you are shut out. [/quote]

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