Speechless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of you sound like you would be the parents of Katelyn Roman and Guadalupe Shaw.

As someone who works in criminal justice we see this all the time, defensive parents claiming "harmless pranks" until someone does so,etching unthinkable.

As adults you can't relate to teenage feelings.

I was so upset when the charges against them were dropped. Nasty girls.

One of my biggest challenges with parenting is constantly being bombarded by new situations and trying to figure out the best way to handle them, and then move forward. There are times I've made mistakes, and I learn from them. I'm sure everyone involved in the sleepover learned about aspects of themselves that they weren't aware of prior.

[Anonymous]

Some of the posts have been so well written, I am starting to wonder if this incident was real or if it was a writer looking for different perspectives for an upcoming book. In any case, I find the topic very interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully. It is important to let your daughter take the lead in how to deal with this. Ultimately she needs to learn how to deal with mean girls on her own, because she will need to deal her whole life.

Personally I would not end the sleepover or call the school. I might call the parents if I were really close friends with them (though I certainly would want to be called if my daughter did this to someone else, regardless of how well I know the parent).

Your daughter felt ganged up on, and clearly did not think it is funny. Maybe use this opportunity to relate a situation where you had to deal with bullies and how you dealt with it. I once had my feelings hurt by a couple of friends who played a prank when we were playing one day. I went home, and instead of sympathy my mom laughed and told me I needed to toughen up! It made me feel even worse. It wasn't the prank itself that hurt my feelings, it was being "ganged up" on.

I think that was a big fail on my mom's part. I don't think she needed to intervene in any way, but she could have at least acknowledged my feelings!

I think the folks who are saying this is no big deal, were the ones playing pranks, not being the victims of them.

And to add to PP's spot on post is that I feel OP's daughter is in a far worse situation. She was ganged up in her own home while she was sleeping so she most likely feels especially vulnerable.



OP, the girls that did this do not sound like the type I would want my DD to hang out with. I am sorry this happened.

+1000. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I also think that sometimes kids are gullible. Who knows, maybe this girl doesn't have many friends and the kids who slept over considered this an opportunity to have fun at her expense…then they could tell the other kids at school. Who knows. Kids are weird at this age, but I think her friends need to know they can't pull this sh*t on her.

[Anonymous]

So you are all are saying you were perfect angels as middle school girls? There is a line between pranks and bullying but so many parents are just SO coddling to their kids anymore that they are destroying an self confidence and resiliency they might have. It was a sleepover and some makeup was put on a friend while sleeping. END OF STORY. I would have totally laughed it off. My friends and I did this stuff all the time to each other. First one to fall asleep usually got shaving cream to hand and feather in the face. It didn't matter who it was. I was once placed outside in my sleeping bag. Can't believe I didn't wake up. Real looking tarantulas, spiders, snakes. Botched makeup and nail jobs. Didn't any of you have fun or laugh things off at tween sleepovers? Why is everything marked bullying now??? You crazy paranoid moms act like they beat the crap out of her and left her for dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are all are saying you were perfect angels as middle school girls? There is a line between pranks and bullying but so many parents are just SO coddling to their kids anymore that they are destroying an self confidence and resiliency they might have. It was a sleepover and some makeup was put on a friend while sleeping. END OF STORY. I would have totally laughed it off. My friends and I did this stuff all the time to each other. First one to fall asleep usually got shaving cream to hand and feather in the face. It didn't matter who it was. I was once placed outside in my sleeping bag. Can't believe I didn't wake up. Real looking tarantulas, spiders, snakes. Botched makeup and nail jobs. Didn't any of you have fun or laugh things off at tween sleepovers? Why is everything marked bullying now??? You crazy paranoid moms act like they beat the crap out of her and left her for dead.

Shorter PP: It wouldn't have bothered me, so it shouldn't bother anybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are all are saying you were perfect angels as middle school girls? There is a line between pranks and bullying but so many parents are just SO coddling to their kids anymore that they are destroying an self confidence and resiliency they might have. It was a sleepover and some makeup was put on a friend while sleeping. END OF STORY. I would have totally laughed it off. My friends and I did this stuff all the time to each other. First one to fall asleep usually got shaving cream to hand and feather in the face. It didn't matter who it was. I was once placed outside in my sleeping bag. Can't believe I didn't wake up. Real looking tarantulas, spiders, snakes. Botched makeup and nail jobs. Didn't any of you have fun or laugh things off at tween sleepovers? Why is everything marked bullying now??? You crazy paranoid moms act like they beat the crap out of her and left her for dead.

Shorter PP: It wouldn't have bothered me, so it shouldn't bother anybody.

No, I think the point is to lighten up a bit. Stress from parents trickle down to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are all are saying you were perfect angels as middle school girls? There is a line between pranks and bullying but so many parents are just SO coddling to their kids anymore that they are destroying an self confidence and resiliency they might have. It was a sleepover and some makeup was put on a friend while sleeping. END OF STORY. I would have totally laughed it off. My friends and I did this stuff all the time to each other. First one to fall asleep usually got shaving cream to hand and feather in the face. It didn't matter who it was. I was once placed outside in my sleeping bag. Can't believe I didn't wake up. Real looking tarantulas, spiders, snakes. Botched makeup and nail jobs. Didn't any of you have fun or laugh things off at tween sleepovers? Why is everything marked bullying now??? You crazy paranoid moms act like they beat the crap out of her and left her for dead.

Shorter PP: It wouldn't have bothered me, so it shouldn't bother anybody.

No, I think the point is to lighten up a bit. Stress from parents trickle down to kids.

I totally agree. It was not nice and DD can decide to not be friends with girls anymore. But parent coddling doesn't help growth. By middle school an incident like this needs to be resolved between the girls.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe some of you fools are missing the big point (although I see many of you got it).

I cannot believe these kids were acting a fool in this woman's own home. I think beyond the disrespect, prank or whatever, if you are in someone else's home, you behave in a respectful manner. That means not doing shit that would result in a mother getting woken up in the middle of the damn night!

Prank, whatever. Those girls should have known better and been apologetic from the jump. Not making excuses. Those defending them and saying the OP is overreacting? Y'all crazy. Those kids ought to have been hella ashamed and if it was my kid that did that mess, I would have been crazy apologetic because I taught them that shit doesn't fly in my home let alone someone else's.

My kids have had rude ass friends. They aren't welcome in my home. Period. Make other friends or go someplace else to hang out. This shit would have been a perma banning unless I received a serious apology from the kids and their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are all are saying you were perfect angels as middle school girls? There is a line between pranks and bullying but so many parents are just SO coddling to their kids anymore that they are destroying an self confidence and resiliency they might have. It was a sleepover and some makeup was put on a friend while sleeping. END OF STORY. I would have totally laughed it off. My friends and I did this stuff all the time to each other. First one to fall asleep usually got shaving cream to hand and feather in the face. It didn't matter who it was. I was once placed outside in my sleeping bag. Can't believe I didn't wake up. Real looking tarantulas, spiders, snakes. Botched makeup and nail jobs. Didn't any of you have fun or laugh things off at tween sleepovers? Why is everything marked bullying now??? You crazy paranoid moms act like they beat the crap out of her and left her for dead.

Shorter PP: It wouldn't have bothered me, so it shouldn't bother anybody.

No, I think the point is to lighten up a bit. Stress from parents trickle down to kids.

You know what is more stressful for kids? Thinking their parent doesn't have their back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are all are saying you were perfect angels as middle school girls? There is a line between pranks and bullying but so many parents are just SO coddling to their kids anymore that they are destroying an self confidence and resiliency they might have. It was a sleepover and some makeup was put on a friend while sleeping. END OF STORY. I would have totally laughed it off. My friends and I did this stuff all the time to each other. First one to fall asleep usually got shaving cream to hand and feather in the face. It didn't matter who it was. I was once placed outside in my sleeping bag. Can't believe I didn't wake up. Real looking tarantulas, spiders, snakes. Botched makeup and nail jobs. Didn't any of you have fun or laugh things off at tween sleepovers? Why is everything marked bullying now??? You crazy paranoid moms act like they beat the crap out of her and left her for dead.

Shorter PP: It wouldn't have bothered me, so it shouldn't bother anybody.

No, I think the point is to lighten up a bit. Stress from parents trickle down to kids.

You know what is more stressful for kids? Thinking their parent doesn't have their back.

Having their back is one thing. Handling situations for your children that they should really be handling themselves...is helicoptering. And it sends the message to your kids that they aren't capable of sorting these things out for themselves and that they need their parents to do it for them. Is that a good message to send?

That said, I'm not bashing the Op. I just think that the 3am email was a bit over the top and maybe even somewhat punitive. Realize that she sent this email out BEFORE she had even heard the girls' point of view, BEFORE the girls even had the opportunity to apologize to her daughter....

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster being pissed about the bad behavior. Shenanigans that get me up in the middle of the night = pissed. The email was tame, imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe some of you fools are missing the big point (although I see many of you got it).

I cannot believe these kids were acting a fool in this woman's own home. I think beyond the disrespect, prank or whatever, if you are in someone else's home, you behave in a respectful manner. That means not doing shit that would result in a mother getting woken up in the middle of the damn night!

Prank, whatever. Those girls should have known better and been apologetic from the jump. Not making excuses. Those defending them and saying the OP is overreacting? Y'all crazy. Those kids ought to have been hella ashamed and if it was my kid that did that mess, I would have been crazy apologetic because I taught them that shit doesn't fly in my home let alone someone else's.

My kids have had rude ass friends. They aren't welcome in my home. Period. Make other friends or go someplace else to hang out. This shit would have been a perma banning unless I received a serious apology from the kids and their parents.

Agree x million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe some of you fools are missing the big point (although I see many of you got it).

I cannot believe these kids were acting a fool in this woman's own home. I think beyond the disrespect, prank or whatever, if you are in someone else's home, you behave in a respectful manner. That means not doing shit that would result in a mother getting woken up in the middle of the damn night!

Prank, whatever. Those girls should have known better and been apologetic from the jump. Not making excuses. Those defending them and saying the OP is overreacting? Y'all crazy. Those kids ought to have been hella ashamed and if it was my kid that did that mess, I would have been crazy apologetic because I taught them that shit doesn't fly in my home let alone someone else's.

My kids have had rude ass friends. They aren't welcome in my home. Period. Make other friends or go someplace else to hang out. This shit would have been a perma banning unless I received a serious apology from the kids and their parents.

OP here. I could not resist coming back as this thread has generated so much interest. Poster above, thank you for getting it!!!! You completely see it the way I see it. Thank you for saying it like it is.

Thank you to all the other posters who got it as well.

I have to say I did not grow up in the US, and this sleepover prank custom really confused me. I did not know such a thing existed until this incident. Frankly when I saw my DD that way in the middle of the night, I was shocked – I did not know what to make of it. In my culture (Asia), if you are a guest and you do that to your host (at least when I was growing up many years ago), you would be considered not only incredibly rude, but insane (as in, what went terribly wrong in your upbringing to make you act in this very very strange way – and how could it be that you are not absolutely ashamed to do that to your host, and how could you show your face to your hosts the next morning??).

Where I grew up, if you visit someone’s house, and they open your home to you, and greet you and serve you, you act with the utmost respect. And if, just for argument’s sake, one of the guests pulled a “prank” like the one that they pulled at my house, I can say there would be some serious consequences and repercussions between the families.

It’s true that we are in the US, and I embrace and respect the great values that the US has to offer, but I must say that, in every culture (as in mine) there are aspects which could be reworked.

The sleepover pranking in my view is not a good custom. There are healthier ways to add excitement to friendships.