If you grew up poor...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First page, second PP here. There are so many things from my childhood I resent my parents for. Physical, mental and sexual abuse being among them. My mother looked the other way for 14 years while I was my fathers personal play toy and when he tried to kill me it became, to my mother, my fault. These are the things I blame her for, not for being poor.

This is so heart breaking. A big hug to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Former swimmer here. Athletics was just something I happened to excel at, but not everyone will. The key thing there was that someone reached in for me. I mean, I did not know how to swim, and a coach saw something in me, some need, and taught me, brought me into the game. So, I think that was the thing that saved me. The action of the coach, caring for that kid. So I don't mean to dismiss your idea AT ALL, I think if that is the way you want to do it, that is a wonderful way (though I'm an oldie and my kids are too young for organized sports, so I really don't know enough about how they're organized now to know how to advise you. I just think that the fact that you want to make an impact is important. Some people can give with their money, and others, with their time, and others, just with kindness. People talk about pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and all, and I respect that. At the same time, I did not pull myself up by my bootstrap. I mean, make no mistake, I hung on tight to the life raft that was offered, but someone - multiple people - pulled me up.

I think poor kids, particularly those kids who see nothing but the same poverty, neglect, and abuse for miles and miles, need someone willing to reach in for them.

Would being a mentor to 1 or 2 kids helps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"tampons/pads/liners"

Yesss! I considered suicide ever time I got my period for YEARS! How could my mother do that to me?

my mom would always get the cheapest kind or tell me to use tp. I leaked all the time. HORRIFYING! Now, I have the full complement of products. Tampons (pearl, the good kind) and a variety of pads for every occasion. I will never run out of food, hygiene products or socks and underwear. I must have 100 undies and about 50 pairs of socks.

You two made me cry and laugh at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being poor boils down to one long saga stretched over the course of my life: Tampons

1.) running out of tampons on the 19th of the month, 11 days till the first.
2.) being sooooo stressed i was going to bleed all over my clothes so i went to the nurse and asked for some tampons
3.) my mom finding out the nurse had tampons and refused to buy me some from that point on
4.) over hearing the nurse complain to another teacher in the hallway that i am taking too many tampons from the school and i should be ashamed
5.) feeling very ashamed so i started stealing tampons from the drugstore from that point on
6.) becoming a 6th grade teacher and going to cosco and buying huge boxes of tampons and pads, I was so proud to tell my female students i will always have plenty of tampons and pads for everyone
7.) feeling extremely touched and emotional when one of my students trusted me enough to ask if she could take a box home for the summer because they were too expensive to put on the grocery list.

You have a heart of gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

There is snow and ice on the ground many more than 2 or 3 days in dc. and I walked home from school ten blocks. The only shoes I had were sneakers with cotton socks. That is not adequate in cold weather for recess or walking home ten blocks on snow and ice.

BTW running shoes would have been much much better - maybe even no need to buy snow shoes.

Huh? So you want your kid to sit around in wet shoes all day or slip on ice? People who afford it should get their kids boots or galoshes to keep their feet warm and dry. That's not a luxury item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

There is snow and ice on the ground many more than 2 or 3 days in dc. and I walked home from school ten blocks. The only shoes I had were sneakers with cotton socks. That is not adequate in cold weather for recess or walking home ten blocks on snow and ice.

BTW running shoes would have been much much better - maybe even no need to buy snow shoes.

Huh? So you want your kid to sit around in wet shoes all day or slip on ice? People who afford it should get their kids boots or galoshes to keep their feet warm and dry. That's not a luxury item.

It is a luxury item in this area. Most wet snowy days, school is cancelled anyway. They can stay in like we did, and we were not poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

There is snow and ice on the ground many more than 2 or 3 days in dc. and I walked home from school ten blocks. The only shoes I had were sneakers with cotton socks. That is not adequate in cold weather for recess or walking home ten blocks on snow and ice.

BTW running shoes would have been much much better - maybe even no need to buy snow shoes.

Huh? So you want your kid to sit around in wet shoes all day or slip on ice? People who afford it should get their kids boots or galoshes to keep their feet warm and dry. That's not a luxury item.

It is a luxury item in this area. Most wet snowy days, school is cancelled anyway. They can stay in like we did, and we were not poor.

NP here. A pair of snow boots, the cheapest kind, is 30 dollars on sale. You'd rather your child 'stayed in' like you did, to prove some kind of a point?

I feel sorry for your children.

[Anonymous]

I did not grow up poor, but I work with several different populations in poverty. I started reading this thread to try to learn more about the people who make up a large client base. Regarding where to donate items so that they will really get to people who need them. I have a few ideas.

If you are in Virginia, contact your local CASA office -- Court Appointed Special Advocates. If you have new unwrapped toys, even some gently used stuff, they will take toys to give to kids at holiday times or birthdays. They also know which of their clients may really have a need for a crib or a diaper genie or baby clothing.

There is a shelter in Manassas called the SERVE shelter. They cannot pick things up, but if you call and ask them if they need your things, I guarantee that they will go to people who need them or stay in the shelter and be used by the clients who live there and use the services of the shelter. I know they need plastic grocery bags.

If you have children's books to give away whether for little kids or for tweens and teens, there is a lawyer who collects books to increase the library at the Juvenile Detention Home in Prince William and they also stock the bookshelves in the courthouse Juvenile Court. You can contact the Prince WIllliam Bar Association for details on where to deliver the books.

I know that I am going to start keeping tampons in my office and I am going to start giving a box of tampons to each of my friends who are school teachers at the beginning of each quarter.

I also know that if my kid brings home a friend who I think might be living in poverty, I will nonchalantly put them in bathing suits and take them to the pool, bring the appropriate toiletries and make sure the kid has a chance to shower, and if possible wash whatever clothing they are wearing and drop a couple of extra tshirts in the bag by mistake. And feed them a meal every time I see them.

[Anonymous]

02:13, Moms like you were what got me through. That's a great, low-key approach. Just get ready, though -- you may start seeing that young one around more often! LOL But on the other hand, I used to wake up early at sleepovers, go downstairs and clean the kitchen/mop the floor/take out the trash. I was so grateful to these families, and it was too shaming to say out loud. So I would joke that I was compulsive instead. I just hope they understood what I was trying to say without saying it. I think they did. I hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:02:13, Moms like you were what got me through. That's a great, low-key approach. Just get ready, though -- you may start seeing that young one around more often! LOL But on the other hand, I used to wake up early at sleepovers, go downstairs and clean the kitchen/mop the floor/take out the trash. I was so grateful to these families, and it was too shaming to say out loud. So I would joke that I was compulsive instead. I just hope they understood what I was trying to say without saying it. I think they did. I hope so.

It's interesting to me (i'm not the pp) that the do-gooders really do need to be tactful about giving help and showing support too. I'm finding that particularly enlightening, and I like hearing the ideas of how to do that and how it's been done. Nobody needs to be shamed.

[Anonymous]

- I remember getting 5 pairs of white underwear a yr. From this local place called the wardrobe. They gave out these vouchers for the school year.
My mother would make several copies of the empty form, so we could all get underwear.
Those 5 pair had to last me everyday for the whole year. I now hate white underwear.

- I had one pair of tennis shoes with a hole in the bottom, and no socks. The socks I got from the wardrobe my step dad would take because he needed to double up while wearing his boots. My feet are bad to this day. Missouri has some brutal winters.

- Before my mom got married 3 times it was just us and my little sister. WE would jump in the shower with our clothes on, and lay in front of the fan to keep cool in the hot Arizona heat.

- When I was 8 I remember my mom being gone often, her husband drunk/ high in violent rage and gone for days. Me and my sister ate a lot of pork and beans, apple sauce from a can, and yogurt. To this day I can't stomach any of the above. Sometimes we didn't have those, and I became creative. My sister loved when I would fry corn tortillas stuffed with govt cheese. When the cheese was gone I'd spread cold butter in them and sugar. I am 28 now and my sister still calls me mom.

- When I was 12 I remember doing the dishes by water hose. We hooked it up to the neighbors trailer and put the hose in through the kitchen window. My brothers were small. One was less than a year and one was about three. I would heat water in stock pots on the stove, and pour it in the bath, then get cold water. So they could be warm when I bathed them.
- Some days I couldn't find a sitter, and I had to stay home to take care of the younger children. I missed a lot of school.

- When I was 16 and finally got a job I had to contribute to bills. We had a little more money, my mom remarried a factory worker. My mother was selfish. I had to buy the baby diapers when I was 16 because she only had 30 dollars. She needed to get acrylics on. she said if she didn't fungus would develop and she would die.

- As a teen my mom discovered the church food banks. After that we ate pretty well when the food stamps ran out.


Sometimes I don't know whether to feel bad for my mother, or to hate her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was around 9 when I realized that not everyone lived like my family did, and that people are dinner every night and not every couple of nights like we did. That was also the year my school guidance counselor took me shopping for a pair of shoes that fit. He just put me in his car and we went to a shoe store. It was my first new pair of shoes ever and I was proud as shit of them.

I remember getting a really good summer internship at the US Capitol in high school and running into my gym teacher one day when I should've been at work. She chewed me out for wasting the opportunity and then I finally broke down and explained to her that someone there commented on my wearing the same thing everyday and I was too ashamed to go back. She made me get in her car, but didn't tell me where we were going. She drove me to Hechts downtown and bought me five pairs of slacks, five shirts, five ties and a pair of shoes. She didn't say a single thing to me about it ever again. It's probably the nicest thing any teacher has ever done for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:02:13, Moms like you were what got me through. That's a great, low-key approach. Just get ready, though -- you may start seeing that young one around more often! LOL But on the other hand, I used to wake up early at sleepovers, go downstairs and clean the kitchen/mop the floor/take out the trash. I was so grateful to these families, and it was too shaming to say out loud. So I would joke that I was compulsive instead. I just hope they understood what I was trying to say without saying it. I think they did. I hope so.

I really want to kiss the kid version of you on top of the head. Because you were a sweetheart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was around 9 when I realized that not everyone lived like my family did, and that people are dinner every night and not every couple of nights like we did. That was also the year my school guidance counselor took me shopping for a pair of shoes that fit. He just put me in his car and we went to a shoe store. It was my first new pair of shoes ever and I was proud as shit of them.

I remember getting a really good summer internship at the US Capitol in high school and running into my gym teacher one day when I should've been at work. She chewed me out for wasting the opportunity and then I finally broke down and explained to her that someone there commented on my wearing the same thing everyday and I was too ashamed to go back. She made me get in her car, but didn't tell me where we were going. She drove me to Hechts downtown and bought me five pairs of slacks, five shirts, five ties and a pair of shoes. She didn't say a single thing to me about it ever again. It's probably the nicest thing any teacher has ever done for me.

Something similar happened to me as well. I also had a teacher who showed compassion and purchased clothes for me. She was not the gym teacher, so there was more more than one compassionate DCPS teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a foreigner and it is so heartbreaking to read all of this. In my home country the US is perceived as a very affluent nation, with well established social services, I never thought it was that bad...

Same here. I went to school in the South in late 80/early 90 and did not realize how poor it was outside the small city our campus was in. I thought I was poor till I went to a few blues festivals in Mississippi.

The US is a really wealthy country, but it's not evenly distributed and it is very tough to be poor here. I'm always shocked by how much more the system provides in the UK and France.

We suck.