SAHM Reentering the Work Force - What not to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I just read 15 pages of this and my take-away is that WOHM are offended by absolutely everything a SAHM says.

Which just shows how limited your thinking is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I just read 15 pages of this and my take-away is that WOHM are offended by absolutely everything a SAHM says.

Which suggests that reading comprehension is not your forte.

The point is that being a SAHM was important to the candidate, but it really isn't that important to the interviewer. So, stop making this about you and what you want. Make it about applying for the job. The fact that you chose to SAH to care for your children does not make you better or worse as a candidate for the job. Your skills and what you did to keep the current during your time out of employment do. If you really want to mention it, put it in the cover letter and then you don't need to refer to it again. If they bring you in for an interview, they've read that and they still brought you in. If you are asked about a 10 year hiatus, then say that you took time off to attend to family matters. Then mention anything you did to renew and/or freshen up your skills for the job during that time.

For the record, it isn't only WOHM that are at issue. There are many managers now who are WOHD who have WOHM spouses and they made the decision for having a 2-career family jointly. These suggestions that SAH parenting is inherently superior to WOH parenting might also rub a male interviewer wrong as well, they just won't say so here. So, stop making your choice to SAH a commentary to anyone and just work on selling yourself for the given job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want to work with someone who thinks I didn't raise my children properly because I chose to work. I don't think those kinds of women deserve to work. I'd rather hire someone else.

I said it.

As a SAHM, when I interview to re-enter the workforce in a couple of years, am I going to be at an automatic disadvantage with WOH women because they think that I look down on them because they didn't stay home?

Sounds like it - at least the insecure ones.

Jesus. I never said that all SAHMs have that kind of opinion. In fact, most of the SAHMs I know who want to go back to work someday DO NOT. Maybe you're defensive because you DO believe that working mothers are doing it wrong. You are entitled to your opinion, but I don't have to like you. I generally don't like people who see the world in such black and white terms.

It's not about insecurity. It's about not liking closed-minded people. It takes a lot of fucking balls to walk into an interview, let it be known that you think your choice to stay home was somehow the "right" choice for all mothers, and expect the people who might hire you to like you. Unless you're interviewing at the conservative family coalition, I think that attitude is bound to offend a lot of people (men and women).

Finally, I personally believe that a woman who thinks that mothers who choose to WOH while their children are infants are bad parents, doesn't deserve to have a job. You know why? That job she's looking for, now that her kids are older, was made possible by thousands of trail-blazing women who DID work when their children were infants. Having that opinion is spitting in the face of the women that made sacrifices so she could even have the opportunity make her choice in the first place. No one wants to work with an ignoramus.

Similarly, I believe that men who have the opinion that fathers who share in childcare burdens are somehow "less", shouldn't be fathers.

Do you understand me now? Can we put this to bed? Finally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am now beginning to think about returning to work after almost 10 years-I had no idea that there was so much contempt for me out there

I don't think it's contempt. There is a dog-eat-dog market for jobs out there. Unless you are competing for an entry-level position, almost everyone you are interviewing against is going to have more experience than you do. And someone with less experience that is more recent is probably still going to have a bit of an edge. Tough situation.

And parents in general need to be careful about talking about the kids too much at an interview because many a boss has had the experience of a parent who thinks the job and coworkers should always be willing to put his/her kids before the company, be it an illness, a school snow day, a play, a baseball game, you get the idea. A parent talking too much about the kids in an interview would be a red flag to me that this is a person who is going to call out a lot, leave early a lot etc. Some will say it's not fair but it's my experience. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm ashamed to be a working mom right now, you people SUCK. Nasty and mean spirited...can't help, but think that many of these posts come from a place of deep insecurity.

I think you hit the nail on the head. If you are happy with your own life/choices, you just don't need to bash other people. I do hand it to people who work a truly fulltime job and have young kids b/c it is a hard balancing act. It can really feel like a rat-race where you never satisfy anyone, including yourself! If you are a SAHM, you obviously take a lot of grief from a society that values people based on their incomes. I've been on both sides.

I also wanted to respond to the bashing of someone who says they took time off to make their family a priority. You who bash this statement seem to be bristling at the idea that the applicant prioritized her family responsibilities.... I don't know why this bothers you so much.... it's not bragging.... it's a fact that the person who STAYED AT HOME fulltime DID actually put that in top priority. When YOU characterize it as "bragging" the only explanation is that you are reading into it that the applicant is saying you don't prioritize your family. The applicant isn't making that statement at all, but your defensiveness about a factual statement is really telling us something about your self-esteem and choices.

Bottom line: If you are happy with your choices -- then carry on, and do it. If you feel the need to claim superiority over others, then you're the one with the problem. Don't take it out on other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the gap of ten years is brought up, OP could say:

"For reasons that are personal, I stepped away from the corporate world."

"I would rather focus on my prior work experience than my time away."

Prison?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's what you can say:

In my career before children, I felt a great deal of satisfaction in my job. [Here are the things I accomplished during that time.]

It was with some trepidation, but also excitement, that I left the work world to be a stay at home parent. It was a choice I wanted to make at the time, anopportunity that I knew would come once in a lifetime. So I jumped off to pursue that role full time. I do not regret the decision, nor do I at all judge those who choose another route.

And now the time has come for me to return to the ABC field. Again, it's a decision I do not regret, and, in fact, I'm relishing it. I am aware that X time away puts me at a certain disadvantage, at least on paper. So I have taken steps to ensure I am back up to speed as a competetive candidate who can offer [your company] the focus, drive, experience, and skills required to do this job well. I am not looking back, I am looking forward. I would not be here if I didn't not want this position.

[And then focus on what the focus, drive, and experiences you have are, and what you've done to keep yourself competetive.]

At least that's what I think.

OMG

No one in the position of hiring is expecting to hold a therapy session.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not say in the interview or in the workplace:

"My family comes first."

"I don't trust child care."

"I wouldn't trade any thing for the time I spent with my children."

+1000

to the infinity.

Who the f--k would say this stuff, really? Have you really had SAHMs interview for positions and spout this ridiculous stuff? Or is this just hypothetical (and another mean-spirited attack).

I have had more than one candidate say points 1 and 3: it puts hiring managers in a terrible position. How are you supposed to respond to statements like that (if at all)?

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised so many of you are actually bringing in SAHMs for interviews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised so many of you are actually bringing in SAHMs for interviews.

They're usually connected and/or the interview is a favor. 8)

[Anonymous]

^^^^ eyeroll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised so many of you are actually bringing in SAHMs for interviews.

They're usually connected and/or the interview is a favor. 8)

That actually puts things into perspective. I can't imagine someone having credentials so strong that she's interview-worthy but still being stupid enough to go on & on about inappropriate topics. Being handed an interview on a silver platter might also fuel any feelings of privilege, and lessen the urgency of making a good impression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line: If you are happy with your choices -- then carry on, and do it. If you feel the need to claim superiority over others, then you're the one with the problem. Don't take it out on other people.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's true. All SAHM stay home for 10 or more years, get handed interviews on a silver platter as favors to friends, then go in there and go on and on about their children. They have no professional skills and don't really want to WOH! You got it all figured out! Poor, silly SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

The contempt on this thread for SAHM isn't even funny.