Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ no real divorce attorney would write all of that on a forum. It's the fantasy of some poster, but very far from reality. lol

Why wouldn’t I write this on a public forum? Do you think I’m divulging secrets of some sort? What I’ve described are the basic steps of mustering a challenge to any contract so that the litigation becomes a punishment for the greedy party who refuses to settle on fair terms.

Understand that a prenup cannot save you from litigation **over** your prenup.

Lay people skip straight to their fantasies about enforcement of the prenup without understanding that every aspect from the circumstances under which the prenup was signed to the absence of a comma can be litigated before enforcement is even relevant.

How did Kevin Costner do with his pre-nup? Did his ex-wife get more than she agreed to in the pre-nup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:45 yo man here — I don’t know why I would ever want to remarry. I’m financially secure and love the adult Disneyland that exists for guys my age especially with OLD. It’s like I’m in my 20s again. I don’t need the baggage and loss of my independence that comes with marriage. And it seems as soon as young women (late 20s and early 30s) see you’re financially secure, have a head on your shoulders, and willing to spoil them a little, they are very giving. I plan to enjoy this for the foreseeable future.

Until you meet someone in her late twenties or early thirties who is self-assured, beautiful, and smart, and she wants to get married and have kids, and you know you're already out of your depth. This happened to a friend/colleague who had sworn off remarriage. However, he was still handsome, fit, high energy, high net-worth, and at the peak of his career, so he attracted some impressive women, and eventually one that he felt was too good to let go, and they had more kids. It is unclear whether he's happy, but he does project a happy family life, and his wife is hot. I think there are a lot of versions of this story out there: men in their late forties who have the resources end up getting sucked in because they're desirable and can pull high-quality women who have high standards and want marriage. Women in our late forties don't want to be responsible for raising children anymore. We've had enough, and we screen out men who are looking for a sugar mamma and a stepmom to take over their parenting responsibilities for us.

Guy here…I mostly fit that profile but looks are subjective so I’ll leave that judgement to the women I date. But if I ever thought about getting married again to a woman like you describe above….I would make sure to have an airtight pre-nup that was lawyer proof.

Lmao.

Lawyer here.

Are there still men out there who think a “lawyer proof” prenup exists?

I specialize in highly contentious divorces between high net worth individuals and I exclusively represent wives because my mom was a housewife who got screwed and I’m playing out my own revenge narrative against my hated father by divorce-raping husbands up and down the northeast. (I’ve been to therapy and I’m now in touch with my actual motives for doing this work.)

Here’s what I do with “lawyer proof” prenups:

First, I challenge the circumstances under which the prenup was signed. Fraud, duress, you name it. Regardless of the merits of the allegations, I can drag out proceedings for anywhere from six months to 2 years, depending on the court’s docket and how amenable the judge is to fishing expeditions.

Second, I challenge the interpretation of various clauses in the prenup. You see, it’s not what YOU intended in drafting that matters. It’s what can be reasonably be inferred from the actual language that’s relevant…and that gives me a lot of room to drag things out another several months to a few years even.

Third, any woman you’ve so much as smiled at during your marriage is a potential mistress. Get ready for me to drag them all in with salacious allegations that will definitely make it to all of your business partners and friends through no doing of mine.

Fourth, anyone you’ve given any expensive gifts is a potential co-conspirator in a fraudulent scheme the object of which is to depress the value of your holdings and thereby cheat my client.

We haven’t even gotten to scope of whatever is left of the prenup and various ways of narrowing that scope so that the enforceable provisions cover a lot less than you intended.

While all this is going on, your lawyers fees, medical bills from the stress I’m deliberately causing you, and lost wages from all the hearings I’m going to drag you to are mounting.

The smart men cut my clients a nice check to make me go away. The stupid ones end up paying that money to their team of lawyers and experts. Regardless, I promise you will not get to keep or enjoy very much of the money you thought you were protecting with the one-sided, greedy prenup.

As F who had a prenup in first marriage I call the above a BS. Unless it was completely one-sided prenups where both parties were represented and took time to draft are enforceable

If your ex had hired me, you’d still be in litigation over that allegedly enforceable prenup. It’s all right though. Prenups are how I bought my second home. Keep drafting those “airtight” prenups and lawyers like me will keep thanking you.

You must be a lot of fun to date. Lol

Go out and get laid for Pete’s sake. You definitely could use it based on your posts. You are a bitter individual. I’m betting you are either divorced or never married (shocker).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have their own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

Maybe, but PP has a point. Divorced dads who are enmeshed with their adult children, especially daughters, are the worst. Once you've struggled through a relationship with such a man, you are on high alert. Enmeshed dad is not your run-of-the-mill nice guy dad who remains close to adult children. He's the dad who posts incessantly about adult children on social media and treats them as peers rather than children, including sharing aspects of your relationship with them. In one case he wore their logo-ed college attire on every date, and the conversation was 95% about his kids. It's just not who I want to spend my time with, and I understand where PP is coming from. We all need different things out of relationships and later in life, there are more complications to sort out. Unlike PP who only dates men with one or no children, I’m just not getting married ever again, though I’d be open to less committed relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ no real divorce attorney would write all of that on a forum. It's the fantasy of some poster, but very far from reality. lol

Why wouldn’t I write this on a public forum? Do you think I’m divulging secrets of some sort? What I’ve described are the basic steps of mustering a challenge to any contract so that the litigation becomes a punishment for the greedy party who refuses to settle on fair terms.

Understand that a prenup cannot save you from litigation **over** your prenup.

Lay people skip straight to their fantasies about enforcement of the prenup without understanding that every aspect from the circumstances under which the prenup was signed to the absence of a comma can be litigated before enforcement is even relevant.

How did Kevin Costner do with his pre-nup? Did his ex-wife get more than she agreed to in the pre-nup?

Yes, she did. I know this for a fact. I didn’t handle the litigation, but I’m on good terms with current and former lawyers from the firm that did and I’ve served on various committees over the years with a few of them. She showed Kevin she was ready to make it an ugly slog and he wisely settled. His fortune stayed with him instead of ending up in lawyers’ hands and she got much more than the ridiculous pittance the prenup called for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:45 yo man here — I don’t know why I would ever want to remarry. I’m financially secure and love the adult Disneyland that exists for guys my age especially with OLD. It’s like I’m in my 20s again. I don’t need the baggage and loss of my independence that comes with marriage. And it seems as soon as young women (late 20s and early 30s) see you’re financially secure, have a head on your shoulders, and willing to spoil them a little, they are very giving. I plan to enjoy this for the foreseeable future.

Until you meet someone in her late twenties or early thirties who is self-assured, beautiful, and smart, and she wants to get married and have kids, and you know you're already out of your depth. This happened to a friend/colleague who had sworn off remarriage. However, he was still handsome, fit, high energy, high net-worth, and at the peak of his career, so he attracted some impressive women, and eventually one that he felt was too good to let go, and they had more kids. It is unclear whether he's happy, but he does project a happy family life, and his wife is hot. I think there are a lot of versions of this story out there: men in their late forties who have the resources end up getting sucked in because they're desirable and can pull high-quality women who have high standards and want marriage. Women in our late forties don't want to be responsible for raising children anymore. We've had enough, and we screen out men who are looking for a sugar mamma and a stepmom to take over their parenting responsibilities for us.

Guy here…I mostly fit that profile but looks are subjective so I’ll leave that judgement to the women I date. But if I ever thought about getting married again to a woman like you describe above….I would make sure to have an airtight pre-nup that was lawyer proof.

Lmao.

Lawyer here.

Are there still men out there who think a “lawyer proof” prenup exists?

I specialize in highly contentious divorces between high net worth individuals and I exclusively represent wives because my mom was a housewife who got screwed and I’m playing out my own revenge narrative against my hated father by divorce-raping husbands up and down the northeast. (I’ve been to therapy and I’m now in touch with my actual motives for doing this work.)

Here’s what I do with “lawyer proof” prenups:

First, I challenge the circumstances under which the prenup was signed. Fraud, duress, you name it. Regardless of the merits of the allegations, I can drag out proceedings for anywhere from six months to 2 years, depending on the court’s docket and how amenable the judge is to fishing expeditions.

Second, I challenge the interpretation of various clauses in the prenup. You see, it’s not what YOU intended in drafting that matters. It’s what can be reasonably be inferred from the actual language that’s relevant…and that gives me a lot of room to drag things out another several months to a few years even.

Third, any woman you’ve so much as smiled at during your marriage is a potential mistress. Get ready for me to drag them all in with salacious allegations that will definitely make it to all of your business partners and friends through no doing of mine.

Fourth, anyone you’ve given any expensive gifts is a potential co-conspirator in a fraudulent scheme the object of which is to depress the value of your holdings and thereby cheat my client.

We haven’t even gotten to scope of whatever is left of the prenup and various ways of narrowing that scope so that the enforceable provisions cover a lot less than you intended.

While all this is going on, your lawyers fees, medical bills from the stress I’m deliberately causing you, and lost wages from all the hearings I’m going to drag you to are mounting.

The smart men cut my clients a nice check to make me go away. The stupid ones end up paying that money to their team of lawyers and experts. Regardless, I promise you will not get to keep or enjoy very much of the money you thought you were protecting with the one-sided, greedy prenup.

As F who had a prenup in first marriage I call the above a BS. Unless it was completely one-sided prenups where both parties were represented and took time to draft are enforceable

If your ex had hired me, you’d still be in litigation over that allegedly enforceable prenup. It’s all right though. Prenups are how I bought my second home. Keep drafting those “airtight” prenups and lawyers like me will keep thanking you.

You must be a lot of fun to date. Lol

Go out and get laid for Pete’s sake. You definitely could use it based on your posts. You are a bitter individual. I’m betting you are either divorced or never married (shocker).

I’m in the process of negotiating my own divorce. It won’t be acrimonious because I’m being very generous — splitting things down the middle even though the law in our home state doesn’t require that. You can’t take the money to heaven. Better to share it with a spouse who spent almost two decades with me and will use it to care for our kids than to lose it to legal. You’d think a divorce attorney would duke it out, but most of us don’t pull such stupid stunts in our personal lives. That’s the wisdom that seeing how the divorce sausage is made gives you. My generosity is already making it much easier to be in the same room, go to kids’ events together, and remain civil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have their own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

Maybe, but PP has a point. Divorced dads who are enmeshed with their adult children, especially daughters, are the worst. Once you've struggled through a relationship with such a man, you are on high alert. Enmeshed dad is not your run-of-the-mill nice guy dad who remains close to adult children. He's the dad who posts incessantly about adult children on social media and treats them as peers rather than children, including sharing aspects of your relationship with them. In one case he wore their logo-ed college attire on every date, and the conversation was 95% about his kids. It's just not who I want to spend my time with, and I understand where PP is coming from. We all need different things out of relationships and later in life, there are more complications to sort out. Unlike PP who only dates men with one or no children, I’m just not getting married ever again, though I’d be open to less committed relationships.

Uuuh sounds like a great dad.
I get why you might not want to date that person but objectively nothing wrong with his parenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have spent thirty years taking care of everyone's needs except my own. I have zero interest in taking on more.

Say it again sister! Done!

Preach!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ no real divorce attorney would write all of that on a forum. It's the fantasy of some poster, but very far from reality. lol

Why wouldn’t I write this on a public forum? Do you think I’m divulging secrets of some sort? What I’ve described are the basic steps of mustering a challenge to any contract so that the litigation becomes a punishment for the greedy party who refuses to settle on fair terms.

Understand that a prenup cannot save you from litigation **over** your prenup.

Lay people skip straight to their fantasies about enforcement of the prenup without understanding that every aspect from the circumstances under which the prenup was signed to the absence of a comma can be litigated before enforcement is even relevant.

How did Kevin Costner do with his pre-nup? Did his ex-wife get more than she agreed to in the pre-nup?

Yes, she did. I know this for a fact. I didn’t handle the litigation, but I’m on good terms with current and former lawyers from the firm that did and I’ve served on various committees over the years with a few of them. She showed Kevin she was ready to make it an ugly slog and he wisely settled. His fortune stayed with him instead of ending up in lawyers’ hands and she got much more than the ridiculous pittance the prenup called for.

I’m sure Kevin Costner still made out fine. Wealthy people need to be very very careful before getting married or remarried. From what I read, the pittance the prenup called for was still a lot of money compared to most folks. Just another example of why some folks, in this case wealthy individuals, won’t remarry after divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:45 yo man here — I don’t know why I would ever want to remarry. I’m financially secure and love the adult Disneyland that exists for guys my age especially with OLD. It’s like I’m in my 20s again. I don’t need the baggage and loss of my independence that comes with marriage. And it seems as soon as young women (late 20s and early 30s) see you’re financially secure, have a head on your shoulders, and willing to spoil them a little, they are very giving. I plan to enjoy this for the foreseeable future.

Until you meet someone in her late twenties or early thirties who is self-assured, beautiful, and smart, and she wants to get married and have kids, and you know you're already out of your depth. This happened to a friend/colleague who had sworn off remarriage. However, he was still handsome, fit, high energy, high net-worth, and at the peak of his career, so he attracted some impressive women, and eventually one that he felt was too good to let go, and they had more kids. It is unclear whether he's happy, but he does project a happy family life, and his wife is hot. I think there are a lot of versions of this story out there: men in their late forties who have the resources end up getting sucked in because they're desirable and can pull high-quality women who have high standards and want marriage. Women in our late forties don't want to be responsible for raising children anymore. We've had enough, and we screen out men who are looking for a sugar mamma and a stepmom to take over their parenting responsibilities for us.

Guy here…I mostly fit that profile but looks are subjective so I’ll leave that judgement to the women I date. But if I ever thought about getting married again to a woman like you describe above….I would make sure to have an airtight pre-nup that was lawyer proof.

Lmao.

Lawyer here.

Are there still men out there who think a “lawyer proof” prenup exists?

I specialize in highly contentious divorces between high net worth individuals and I exclusively represent wives because my mom was a housewife who got screwed and I’m playing out my own revenge narrative against my hated father by divorce-raping husbands up and down the northeast. (I’ve been to therapy and I’m now in touch with my actual motives for doing this work.)

Here’s what I do with “lawyer proof” prenups:

First, I challenge the circumstances under which the prenup was signed. Fraud, duress, you name it. Regardless of the merits of the allegations, I can drag out proceedings for anywhere from six months to 2 years, depending on the court’s docket and how amenable the judge is to fishing expeditions.

Second, I challenge the interpretation of various clauses in the prenup. You see, it’s not what YOU intended in drafting that matters. It’s what can be reasonably be inferred from the actual language that’s relevant…and that gives me a lot of room to drag things out another several months to a few years even.

Third, any woman you’ve so much as smiled at during your marriage is a potential mistress. Get ready for me to drag them all in with salacious allegations that will definitely make it to all of your business partners and friends through no doing of mine.

Fourth, anyone you’ve given any expensive gifts is a potential co-conspirator in a fraudulent scheme the object of which is to depress the value of your holdings and thereby cheat my client.

We haven’t even gotten to scope of whatever is left of the prenup and various ways of narrowing that scope so that the enforceable provisions cover a lot less than you intended.

While all this is going on, your lawyers fees, medical bills from the stress I’m deliberately causing you, and lost wages from all the hearings I’m going to drag you to are mounting.

The smart men cut my clients a nice check to make me go away. The stupid ones end up paying that money to their team of lawyers and experts. Regardless, I promise you will not get to keep or enjoy very much of the money you thought you were protecting with the one-sided, greedy prenup.

As F who had a prenup in first marriage I call the above a BS. Unless it was completely one-sided prenups where both parties were represented and took time to draft are enforceable

If your ex had hired me, you’d still be in litigation over that allegedly enforceable prenup. It’s all right though. Prenups are how I bought my second home. Keep drafting those “airtight” prenups and lawyers like me will keep thanking you.

List the cases here. Devil is in the detail: maybe pregnant bride was given to sign it without a lawyer 3 days before marriage ceremony. It took one hearing and less then $2000 to uphold my prenup - you wouldn’t buy a house

DP. That is not how the legal system works when you hire a lawyer like PP …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have their own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

Maybe, but PP has a point. Divorced dads who are enmeshed with their adult children, especially daughters, are the worst. Once you've struggled through a relationship with such a man, you are on high alert. Enmeshed dad is not your run-of-the-mill nice guy dad who remains close to adult children. He's the dad who posts incessantly about adult children on social media and treats them as peers rather than children, including sharing aspects of your relationship with them. In one case he wore their logo-ed college attire on every date, and the conversation was 95% about his kids. It's just not who I want to spend my time with, and I understand where PP is coming from. We all need different things out of relationships and later in life, there are more complications to sort out. Unlike PP who only dates men with one or no children, I’m just not getting married ever again, though I’d be open to less committed relationships.

I’m pretty independent so an “enmeshed dad” sounds great. Plus, you know, it’s actually a good personal quality to be close to your family. I probably would need to get along well with his kids though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ no real divorce attorney would write all of that on a forum. It's the fantasy of some poster, but very far from reality. lol

Why wouldn’t I write this on a public forum? Do you think I’m divulging secrets of some sort? What I’ve described are the basic steps of mustering a challenge to any contract so that the litigation becomes a punishment for the greedy party who refuses to settle on fair terms.

Understand that a prenup cannot save you from litigation **over** your prenup.

Lay people skip straight to their fantasies about enforcement of the prenup without understanding that every aspect from the circumstances under which the prenup was signed to the absence of a comma can be litigated before enforcement is even relevant.

How did Kevin Costner do with his pre-nup? Did his ex-wife get more than she agreed to in the pre-nup?

Yes, she did. I know this for a fact. I didn’t handle the litigation, but I’m on good terms with current and former lawyers from the firm that did and I’ve served on various committees over the years with a few of them. She showed Kevin she was ready to make it an ugly slog and he wisely settled. His fortune stayed with him instead of ending up in lawyers’ hands and she got much more than the ridiculous pittance the prenup called for.

I’m sure Kevin Costner still made out fine. Wealthy people need to be very very careful before getting married or remarried. From what I read, the pittance the prenup called for was still a lot of money compared to most folks. Just another example of why some folks, in this case wealthy individuals, won’t remarry after divorce.

What KC lost in his divorce is peanuts relative his overall wealth. Nowhere near a serious obstacle for remarrying. Breakage of a family is high stress but not for money for these individuals. I bet his exW had a lot of sh..t to tell about him, which is why she got something. But his prenup was upheld, he just agreed to give some extra voluntarily to mother of his children and it's actually admirable that he didn't kick her to the curb (he could have done that)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have their own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

Maybe, but PP has a point. Divorced dads who are enmeshed with their adult children, especially daughters, are the worst. Once you've struggled through a relationship with such a man, you are on high alert. Enmeshed dad is not your run-of-the-mill nice guy dad who remains close to adult children. He's the dad who posts incessantly about adult children on social media and treats them as peers rather than children, including sharing aspects of your relationship with them. In one case he wore their logo-ed college attire on every date, and the conversation was 95% about his kids. It's just not who I want to spend my time with, and I understand where PP is coming from. We all need different things out of relationships and later in life, there are more complications to sort out. Unlike PP who only dates men with one or no children, I’m just not getting married ever again, though I’d be open to less committed relationships.

I’m pretty independent so an “enmeshed dad” sounds great. Plus, you know, it’s actually a good personal quality to be close to your family. I probably would need to get along well with his kids though.

No, the new partner shouldn't be tasked with getting along with anyone's grown up adult kids. This is the parents' responsibility to ensure kids are not aggressive towards the new partners and give space

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have their own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

Maybe, but PP has a point. Divorced dads who are enmeshed with their adult children, especially daughters, are the worst. Once you've struggled through a relationship with such a man, you are on high alert. Enmeshed dad is not your run-of-the-mill nice guy dad who remains close to adult children. He's the dad who posts incessantly about adult children on social media and treats them as peers rather than children, including sharing aspects of your relationship with them. In one case he wore their logo-ed college attire on every date, and the conversation was 95% about his kids. It's just not who I want to spend my time with, and I understand where PP is coming from. We all need different things out of relationships and later in life, there are more complications to sort out. Unlike PP who only dates men with one or no children, I’m just not getting married ever again, though I’d be open to less committed relationships.

I’m pretty independent so an “enmeshed dad” sounds great. Plus, you know, it’s actually a good personal quality to be close to your family. I probably would need to get along well with his kids though.

No, the new partner shouldn't be tasked with getting along with anyone's grown up adult kids. This is the parents' responsibility to ensure kids are not aggressive towards the new partners and give space

Um what? You sound frankly awful and I think you should limit yourself to dating childless men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't see any benefits to remarriage for me at this life stage. Older people who seem most keen on remarriage are typically religious, looking for financial gain, or wealthy men who have fallen for a younger woman and want to have a family together. None of those things apply. My life is full, and while dating and companionship are appealing, marriage is not. I can't conceive of changing my mind on this point.

Don't project your mean spirited thinking at others. I'm a wealthy woman, but I do want to remarry in my 40s or 50s. Reasons are not to seek financial gain, but to build a life, plan retirement, medical care, travel together with a partner. Support each other in bad and good. I still believe that is possible. Of course you can do some of that with a boyfriend, but not being married makes long term planning harder. And I also have a good lawyer who can draft a prenup, and wouldn't marry until after at least 3 years of co-habilitation. I believe marriage is a great tool to raise kids but can also serve as a good middle age planning for the mutual well-being, if the partner is right.

I'm the PP. I admit life has made me cynical about second marriages, but not mean-spirited. Your post suggests a fourth category - a hopeless romantic. Reading and life suggests if either person has children, second marriages are not good for mutual well-being, as they bring conflicting loyalties and priorities.

I'm not a hopeless romantic. Marriage is a totally practical institute, and I had a long and rather successful first marriage. Yes, we both made mistakes but I selected my first husband wisely: we were both driven, professional and hard working. We both made tons of money during marriage, joined resources in child raising and building up wealth. Neither of us lost wealth after divorce: each had it multiplied many times over what our individual NW was prior to marriage. I dont have "multiple kids" still at home. I'm an empty nester with one child. I don't date men with more than one child either, and their child should be over 13 years of age. Don't date those who wouldn't want to co-habilite or remarry in a long term perspective.
You don't don't want a relationship, period. Others want it.

Not wanting to remarry is not the same as not wanting relationships.

RelationshipS in plural is the general common denominator for the PP commenters above, men and women. They are totally discouraged in committing and either just want switch partners every 2-3 years. This has nothing to do with building a life with someone, or joint future. They just want zero entanglements and an easy exit. Maybe for some it's tempting but for me to be happy I need to be the center of his universe and other way around.
And I have zero desire to date in my mid 50s looking for a new BF every 3 years. Seems too complicated and takes the lifetime from other important goals and people in my life, all that OLD dating.

I don't date men with multiple children (even college age), as I could see from these photos that kids are the center of their universe and I will always be secondary. I'm mid 40s, but I meet a lot of single never married slightly younger men, or men with one child who still want to commit. Of course if a guy has that many kids the women's role in his life would be limited to FWB (e.g. meeting on demand whenever he's available for a nice date followed by sex, maybe travel sometimes).

I want to have make a home with someone who I love in my space at some point (and no, he wouldn't need to buy it for me, I'm totally fine to equally contribute). I probably wouldn't marry outright, but would own a home with long term partner as a first step, and to see if we are able to coexist and enjoy it.

Man, the bolded makes be deeply pity those poor singleton kids of the men you date. What a nightmare!

Why? My parents are still married, and my adult siblings and I are not the center of their universe. My parents are in the more selfish phase of their retirement, as they are still healthy enough to enjoy sports and heavy traveling. We see them for holidays, plus maybe an additional week a year, and they check in on grandkids regularly, but we're not the center of their universe. I'm happy they're happy and living their lives while they can.

Finally a person with healthy attitude. These crazy dads whose only vacation is with his daughters who are themselves in their late 20s is just sick. This tells me he wasn't able to rebuild his life, is bitter after divorce and his daughters are not able to build healthy relationships either. My 17yo is more independent than that and would hate me even doing college visits with them, leaving alone going for a multi-weeks vacation overseas. They have their own life.

I think it’s weird that you think your child not wanting you to visit them and not wanting to vacation with you means you are the successful parent in this scenario

Maybe, but PP has a point. Divorced dads who are enmeshed with their adult children, especially daughters, are the worst. Once you've struggled through a relationship with such a man, you are on high alert. Enmeshed dad is not your run-of-the-mill nice guy dad who remains close to adult children. He's the dad who posts incessantly about adult children on social media and treats them as peers rather than children, including sharing aspects of your relationship with them. In one case he wore their logo-ed college attire on every date, and the conversation was 95% about his kids. It's just not who I want to spend my time with, and I understand where PP is coming from. We all need different things out of relationships and later in life, there are more complications to sort out. Unlike PP who only dates men with one or no children, I’m just not getting married ever again, though I’d be open to less committed relationships.

I’m pretty independent so an “enmeshed dad” sounds great. Plus, you know, it’s actually a good personal quality to be close to your family. I probably would need to get along well with his kids though.

No, the new partner shouldn't be tasked with getting along with anyone's grown up adult kids. This is the parents' responsibility to ensure kids are not aggressive towards the new partners and give space

Um what? You sound frankly awful and I think you should limit yourself to dating childless men.

Why? I'm not there to parent adults who already have parents. My child gets resources they need from both parents and I won't expect my partners to get involved or even be introduced, unless it gets to remarriage. Of course I'll be friendly and make a nice holiday dinner for them if they visit, but I will absolutely no allow anyone to drag me into someone's family drama