I'm so tired of mom cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am LOL at some of the people on here who love their social media posts so much they will defend them to the death!

I have never understood you ladies who post so many things on Instagram and Facebook and then act all offended when people call you out on being attention whores. Why else would you post these things?

+1 Also, posting pics of #momswinenightout is pathetic and desperate.

+2

[Anonymous]

A photo on social media should not be viewed as just a photo of an event. Feeling bad about missing an event is amplified when others are celebrating the memories publicly. There's a feedback mechanism happening that wouldn't have happened otherwise. If you can acknowledge that there's little adrenaline hit that these women get seeing their pics online gathering likes and comments, you should also be able to see why social media can make negative reactions hit harder, too.

Hashtags about ladies night or whatever reeks of insecurity to me and points to a social order that I'm so thankful to not be participating in. I truly don't actually know people where I live who behave this way, though I'm sure they exist.

[Anonymous]

I have a few friend groups. I used to live in a neighborhood where I was friends with some neighbors, some people from my child’s preschool and some from a moms group I was in.

I moved but I still hang out with these women. None of these friends are the type to post online. When I lived there, there was a group of moms who all had daughters. I was not invited. I had sons. I really didn’t feel bad at all. Or the swim team moms. Or whatever other groups.

I’m now new in our school and neighborhood and not in any groups at all. I’m so unaware of who anyone is. I don’t mind this. Are there friend groups and parties? Of course. Would I feel bad about not being invited? Not at all.

Op sounds very insecure.

[Anonymous]

I used to be part of a social group where people posted stuff like this a lot. I met them through my job, which had an extremely social culture and there was a lot of pressure to hang out outside work. People were mostly late 20s/early 30s.

Not just girls nights and bbq’s (though also those) but almost any outing. They’d go shopping with a couple friends and post photos of themselves in the dressing room (#shopshopshop #mirrorpics #howdoilook). They’d go to a movie and post a photo of themselves sitting in the movie theater before the movie started (#popcorntime #welovedanielcraig). I had been an occasional Facebook user before this but being part of this crew sucked me in— I was scrolling my feed multiple times a day. I started posting more. Probably less than some people because I hate how I look in photos so I’m just much less likely to want to take and post a random photo. But way more than before.

Here’s what I learned during my time with this group of friends:

1. This kind of social media use causes drama. Full stop. There were ALWAYS people who felt left out or hurt. I think it also drove insecurity. This was the most insecure group of people I’ve ever been around, and I include myself. It was worse than middles school or high school (pre social media).

2. It reinforces social hierarchies. The people who post the most are the people who can do the most things. Meaning: people with more money, more time, better access to things that will look cool in a photo (nice house, cool work travel, etc). Their posts drive attention, and thus popularity. This was the most high school thing about it. And yes, of course, being photogenic in a friend group that posts every single photo to socials is a big boon.

3. People 100% used it to hurt people or assert dominance. An anecdote: there was a work-related disagreement between two women. The night after it happened, one of them invited two key senior staffers to her house to hang out, then posted the photos of them all drinking wine and laughing to Facebook. The senior staffers were not even aware of the disagreement at the time, but it was obvious to those of us who did know that this was a calculated move to show she had certain people in her corner. There was a lot of behavior like this (see not about drama/insecurity above).

It wasn’t until I moved on from that job that I realized how toxic this all is. I know it’s an extreme example, but it really revealed to me how messed up this behavior is. It destroys relationships, puts people on edge.

I have since quit Facebook, and post to Instagram maybe 6 times a year, generally so relatives and far away friends can see pics of my kid growing up. My account is private and I removed most of the people from that part of my life from my followers, not out if malice, but because I don’t want that kind of behavior in my life anymore.

You can, of course, do what you want. But I think many of you who post everything to social media and don’t care who it hurts might feel differently in 10 years. I think with some distance, you might realize how toxic this behavior is.

[Anonymous]

Really confused why people care or are offended at other people’s social media content that isn’t about them directly.

Find another hobby other than scrolling your feed if it makes you feel insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really confused why people care or are offended at other people’s social media content that isn’t about them directly.

Find another hobby other than scrolling your feed if it makes you feel insecure.

Really confused? Or are you just stubbornly refusing the read the multitude of posts explaining why this happens. Why are you deliberately ignoring those posts in order to defend juvenile attention seeking behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really confused why people care or are offended at other people’s social media content that isn’t about them directly.

Find another hobby other than scrolling your feed if it makes you feel insecure.

Really confused? Or are you just stubbornly refusing the read the multitude of posts explaining why this happens. Why are you deliberately ignoring those posts in order to defend juvenile attention seeking behavior?

Because that PP is probably doing it too - constantly posting to Facebook.

[Anonymous]

This all goes back to Andy Warhol's line about being famous for 15 minutes. Every one of these completely ordinary moms deep down hopes that she can be a mini-celebrity. Even if it's just in your little hometown. Your wine party with a bunch of other ordinary moms is not a star-studded gala. Focus on being a good friend, wife and mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just don’t see this. They are groups of friends. Not cliques. These are adult women with kids, spouses, jobs, busy lives. They found common ground and connected. No one has the mental energy for “inclusion” of all moms in the entire school, neighborhood, etc. at all cost. Just be friends with who you want And get along with and stop thinking about who you aren’t friends with or what you aren’t invited to. It isn’t personal. No one can be friends with everyone and included in everything

But others may view those groups of friends as cliques.

If mom “cliques” bother you, then you have issues and insecurities. I don’t think at all about what moms are friends with each other or follow anyone on social media or what they post. That is a you problem, not a them problem. Make you own friends and do your own thing- or don’t. But it doesn’t make anyone mean or wrong bc they are friends with each other and post whatever pictures or hashtags you hate on social media. Stay off social media if this makes you feel insecure.

It used to be considered good manners to not talk about parties/events in front of people not invited. That's what happens on social media. It's rude. But manners have gone out the window. Other people notice the bad manners.

If you are posting something knowing that you're sharing it with other people who could have been invited but weren't, it's rude. If you post a picture of your family reunion, your friends won't feel left out when they see it. But if you intentionally left out Uncle Dave because he's weird, and you know he can see your post, it's rude to post it.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys know that you can unfollow people or unfriend them on Facebook if their posts hurt your feelings so much?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am concerned some of you do not have any inkling of experiencing happiness for someone else.

I feel happy for people all the time. I am constantly enriched from learning of the joyful things in the lives of my friends, family, and children.

Seeing a group of people I know and thought I was friends with post pictures from a fun event I wasn't invited to still makes me feel sad.

I think it's disingenuous that you don't understand the difference.

The thing is that people here are blaming the people who posted photos of events on social media. The problem is not the photos. The problem is that the relationship is not what you thought it was. That's a valid source of hurt, IMO, but the argument that the real problem is the people posting photos of good times is silly.

PP here and I disagree. The problem is absolutely the photos, or the sharing of them. It focuses attention the hurt. Without the photos, this person might still feel hurt when they find out the relationship wasn't what they thought. But with the photos, they have to confront the evidence of that fact. It actually makes it more hurtful.

It is very hard to ignore a hurt like that when it pops into your social media feed. It's possible (I've done it) but it is hard and requires a lot of effort.

Meanwhile, you could prevent it from happening by just not posting the photo. Why does anyone who isn't in the photo need to see it? It's one thing if this is a wedding or something, but people on here are just talking about regular social gatherings -- happy hours, BBQs, a birthday dinner. Why would anyone not attending these events want or need to see them?

Then don’t have social media “friends.” Just follow businesses and groups that you need to or interest you. If personal posts get
Under your skin then you need to adjust what you view. No one is doing anything wrong, hateful, or hurtful by posting pictures from a party. Seriously, this is bananas

Your solution to the extremely common and even scientifically documented phenomenon of people feeling hurt and left out by social media posts is for people to get off social media altogether or to exclusively use it for following businesses?

When you could just have manners instead?

You are right this is bananas.

Because the reasoning is bananas. It's okay to post photos of really fancy dinners, or vacations or huge family gatherings or misspelled signs as LONG AS you are related to everyone in the photo?

What? Who said anything about being related?

I just think it's rude to post photos of private gatherings to a public forum, knowing that there will almost certainly be people who see it and feel left out. I don't care about your relationship status with literally any of the people in this scenario. I'm just talking about rude versus not rude. This seem rude.

so is it fine for me to post a photo of a backyard bbq with my family, siblings and their families, and grandparents? or is that rude?

Why would you need to post this photo? Are there people who might see it and feel left out, like a cousin in a nearby town or one of your siblings? If yes, then yes, it is rude. This isn't even hard.

Is this what you are worked up about? It doesn't say you can't post it, just that if there is someone who you know might be offended not to be included (like a sibling, when all the other siblings are there) then it is rude to post it.

This is not the same as saying you aren't allowed to post a photo of a BBQ. You are overreacting.

You don't get it. She NEEDS to post pictures of her boring extended family BBQ. Her coworkers and former college friends absolutely must know that she wasn't alone all weekend doing nothing. She's got a life, OK?

sorry what is someone supposed to post? no one is forcing you to look at anyone’s Facebook wall.

What should you post? Does this keep you up at night? You could post nothing. Most posts are boring and uninteresting. Your bbq isn’t special.

I post my BBQ for myself on my wall. If you prefer to see nothing, perhaps social media is not the place for you. Like, how weird: "I want to use social media but I don't want to see anything anyone posts!" Get a Flickr if that's what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am LOL at some of the people on here who love their social media posts so much they will defend them to the death!

I have never understood you ladies who post so many things on Instagram and Facebook and then act all offended when people call you out on being attention whores. Why else would you post these things?

+1 Also, posting pics of #momswinenightout is pathetic and desperate.

+2

i have never heard of anyone posting such a thing but i guess it's fun to make strawmen

[Anonymous]

christ. it sounds like a lot of you actually hate your fb friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really confused why people care or are offended at other people’s social media content that isn’t about them directly.

Find another hobby other than scrolling your feed if it makes you feel insecure.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a friendly, approachable person? Do you ever initiate or make plans? I find that the people who complain about this are never the organizers and are often awkward socially.

Ha.

I suspect you are one of the "mean" moms.

Enjoy your reign.

+1. That was my thought. Any presumed adult woman who refers to other adults as "awkward socially" definitely has her own issues, and is trying to relive her high school glory days.