Reply to Tell me about your spouse’s limerent affair…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

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An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse.  “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates.  See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved.  An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.[/quote]

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.[/quote]

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.[/quote]

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.[/quote]

If you get "feelings" for someone outside your marriage and you choose to focus on them rather than on your marriage, then even if nothing physical happens then you have decided to engage in behavior that is destructive to your marriage, and that is wrong.

If you start limmering on someone who is not your spouse, you have an obligation to do what you need to do to shut that down.[/quote]

Yep. "Limmering" made me chuckle. I'm the PP who wrote above that you have to make a decision to cheat. You know how I know? Because I fell deeply in love with someone who is not my spouse. I lost weight, I lost time, I basically lost my mind, more or less. And yet, I didn't cheat. It sucks. Blowing up my family, hurting my DH (who is wonderful, and whom I love), and uprooting my kids would suck a lot more.  Cheating is a choice.  It's very hard not to cross that line sometimes, but many other things in life are hard. How do you know who you really are, if your character is never truly tested? [/quote]

Ok. So You are essentially saying that limerence is a feeling, and cheating is a behavior.[/quote]

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