Hard and fast rules for consistency?
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Anonymous
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My son has ADHD and is about to go into kindergarten. We are trying to be consistent. He does not respond to time-out and head-to-head disciplining.
What are some hard and fast rules you all use in your housees? Here are some of mine.... but I need more ideas 1) Must get dressed and eat breakfast in the morning before any kind of electronics. We don't like to have electronics in the morn, but sometimes they wake up at 6am.... 2) Must be in bed at 8:30 at the latest. Then read and then lights out. 3) Can only play electronics (e.g., wii) on certain nights for a time period and on the weekend. We use a timer... These are the main issues: getting ready, getting addicted to electronics and tv and needing limits, and bedtime. What are your rules/rituals? Especially for homework time? We both work and so homework needs to be done in the evening unfortunately.We have been advised to be consistent and have clear-cut rules, but sometimes after a long day, we slip. I'd be so interested to know in others clear-cut rules.... Thanks. |
Anonymous
| BTW, I am posting here (on special needs board vs. general board), b/c I feel that my kid has special needs and is a particularly hard kid re: temprament etc. Not that typical kids are all easier, but they are easier to parent (I have one). I get sick of people saying "all you need to do it...." when they have no clue how difficult it is to have such an oppositional, draining kid who needs iron-clad rules.... |
Anonymous
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Congratulations on your son reading already before Kindergarten! That is great. But 8:30 + reading and then lights out is pretty late for kindergarten. Is he getting enough sleep? I would consider dialing that back.
Homework is important but in kindergarten sometimes we end up doing it in the morning. Sleep is important too. |
Anonymous
| Yeah, that is a bit late... seems like the time just flies so fast after work and dinner etc. Also the kids go to bed at the same time and maybe that's the problem (5 yrs and 9 years). |
Anonymous
He should be in bed and lights out by 7:30. |
Anonymous
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I've got three kids - 2 with ADHD and 1 NT.
Kids are in bed at 7:30 every night (weekends, too). They aren't allowed to read in bed. Bed is for sleeping. We will sometimes set the timer for 5 minutes and let them talk until it goes off. But, once the timer is off, everyone has to be quiet. (They all share a room) They aren't allowed to get up before the 'light comes on'. In summer, it's the sun. In winter, we use a dawn simulator http://www.amazon.com/BioBrite-Sunrise-Clock-Advanced-Charcoal/dp/B00196LFIU/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1344466465&sr=1-1&keywords=biobrite . The light comes on gradually (like the sunrise). It makes getting up easier in winter and also lets them know when they can get out of bed. We don't do homework during the week. By the time we get home, the kids are exhausted and there is no value in doing homework when they're so tired. When our oldest was in K/1st grade, we did push it but the meltdowns were really affecting our home life and the special ed teacher told us it wasn't worth it. We had written into the IEPs that homework would be completed during school time or on the weekends. During the summer, everyone has to do at least 20-30 minutes of 'education time' every day. No screen time during the week. None. On weekends, they can watch as much TV as they want until DH and I get up. They can only play video games on the weekend after lunch. They always get 20 minutes no matter what. If they have good behavior during the week, they can earn extra minutes. They can also lose the extra minutes with negative behaviors. They can earn up to an extra 25 minutes for Saturday and an extra 25 minutes for Sunday. I'm not one of those anti-TV/screen people. We've just found that screen time is VERY motivating for our kids so they're motivated to maximize the time they can watch/play. Not having TV on during the week has actually made things easier. I don't know what it is about screen time but it's difficult for them to transition away from it. We got tired of the crankiness and poor temper. Now that it's not on, it's much more peaceful. Our kids are too old for "time out" but if their behavior is unacceptable, I have no problem giving them a choice to go to their room or go to the screen porch (no matter the weather). If they don't choose, I'll choose for them and I always choose the porch. I'll set the timer and they can't come back in until they're back "in control". If I have to, I'll lock the door and they can't get back in! At least I've got some peace and quiet. If they start banging the door, they start losing screen minutes. We also have a behavior chart with targeted behaviors. We usually have 5 that they are supposed to do every day - like cleaning up for 15 minutes, a good deed unasked, put clothes away, they do what is asked of them with no more than 1 reminder, no complaining/whining, did they do their best work, etc. At the end of each day, we review the chart, decide if they, in fact, did that thing. If they did, they get a check. After they earn a collective total of 35 checks, we watch a movie, go to the dollar store or something like that. |
Anonymous
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For my stepson, we set up the following rules
- no computer games in am. (too fussy) -equal amounts of reading and computer games daily -Work with him to pick a maximum amount of computer time, then stick with it -starts the day with 500 points, if misbehave, subtract points, reach some threshold and no computer games the next day AND the most important part of consistency is enforcing the rules every time. Anytime, you do not enforce the rules it leads the child to believe there is some flexibility and will test you to see if you will or will not enforce the rules. -also remember to notice and appreciate good behavior. Sometimes acting out is attention seeking , so don't make them seek your attention. |
Anonymous
| For working parents: do most of your kids go to bed at 7:30? Kids who are anywhere from 5-7 for example.... |
Anonymous
| For working parents: do most of your kids go to bed at 7:30? Kids who are anywhere from 5-7 for example.... |
Anonymous
Yep. And still take a nap too. I think you will find that Kindergarten is EXHAUSTING for kids compared to preschool. It's a long day, and it's much more academic, and much more to absorb and keep together. My kid was falling asleep over dinner for the first month. |
Anonymous
You are awesome. I love you. We have the same approach to the electronics--none during the week. Only on the weekends. It is an incredible tool for discipline. We use 1-2-3 Magic. I'll say, "that's one. If I get to 3, you,have lost all screen time for Saturday." And I also agree with PP's about bedtime. Kindergarten is exhausting. DD will be going into first grade and often needed a quick nap after school. We aimed for a 7:45-8:00 lights out. |
Anonymous
| OP here: I think that screentime is so enticing for these kids with ADHD that you all are right...we should have no screentime during the week. I like the 1-2-3 lose screentime on the weekend, but here's a question... Can your ADHD kids stop themselves by 3-- my kid is not medicated and sometimes it feels like he can't stop himself... maybe that's just an excuse though that I have bought into about impulse control difficulties.... The bedtime info is helpful too. |
Anonymous
| OP here: I think that screentime is so enticing for these kids with ADHD that you all are right...we should have no screentime during the week. I like the 1-2-3 lose screentime on the weekend, but here's a question... Can your ADHD kids stop themselves by 3-- my kid is not medicated and sometimes it feels like he can't stop himself... maybe that's just an excuse though that I have bought into about impulse control difficulties.... The bedtime info is helpful too. |
Anonymous
My kids went to bed at 8 when they were in K. They go to bed at 8:30 now. They are 7 and 9. |
Anonymous
5:43 here. My ADHD kids have problems stopping themselves even when they're on medication. It's gotten better as they've gotten older but that's why having structure/routine and consistency is so important. For those things that are really important, you've got to stand firm or you'll be communicating to the kids that you don't really mean what you say. Our kids are 'timer trained' so they know when that timer goes off, they have to stop whatever they're doing. It wasn't always easy in the beginning but after doing it for a while, it's dramatically eased transitions and turn taking. Poor impulse control is an explanation but it's not an excuse. We struggle with one kid who yells out whatever pops into his head. We're working on helping him to learn to put the brakes on and edit what he says but, honestly, this is a years long effort. About the video game playing. The kids get 20 minutes on Saturday and 20 minutes on Sunday no matter what. No matter they're negative behaviors, they always have that. You don't want your kid to be in a position where he feels he's got nothing left to lose. They might have lost all the extra minutes they've earned but they always get 20 minutes and the possibility of earning a little more. That 20 minutes is long enough for them to get into the game and enjoy it but short enough that it makes them want additional time. It provides another opportunity for us to discuss why they don't have more time to play. It helps them make that connection between behavior and consequences without them being totally bent out of shape for not having any time to play. Think about it, how would you behave if you felt you had nothing left to lose. |