Why are grandparents and older relatives so needy now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

Whoa you must be a selfish needy beast! You seriously think the birthday celebration should ignore what the birthday kid would enjoy doing and instead go fawn over granny? Sure let's not sign up for chess or some other activity that they kid would enjoy because you know, granny might call and need some butt kissing attention pronto.

This is really ridiculous. Grandparents needs to stop being intrusive and trying to make everything about them or everything to involve them. If you get invited somewhere, great but just because you are related it doesn't mean you get to push, cajole, manipulate and pout pout as you try to force yourself onto others.

I think some grandparents (like the very top of this post) realize how totally inadequate their parenting was in comparison to how their children are as parents. For this reason, they seek to diminish their adult children’s hard work (creating a social and enriching life for their children) to make themselves feel like they did enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

You're obviously grandma or grandpa, because you clearly have no idea what activities actually involve these days. My guess is you don't even fully understand what your grandchildren do. Swimming is typically a costly investment...no one around here is taking free swim at the Y. Furthermore, most sports around here are a team commitment and you're screwing the rest of your team if you can't show up. It's okay not to have all the answers or totally understand what the grand kids are up to. Agree...it's much more complicated and busy now. Not okay to be bitter nuisance. And yes...if you haven't bothered to be around for three months then your grand kids will choose to celebrate the birthday of a kid they spend five days a week with then see you.

[Anonymous]

This language about “access” to grandkids is so bizzare and foreign to me. Don’t people like free childcare from people who love their kids? I sure do. My mom and in laws can have all the “access” they want since access = I can lay down and read while my kids are taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This language about “access” to grandkids is so bizzare and foreign to me. Don’t people like free childcare from people who love their kids? I sure do. My mom and in laws can have all the “access” they want since access = I can lay down and read while my kids are taken care of.

You’re assuming that everyone else has parents and in-laws that are trustworthy and reliable like yours seem to be.

[Anonymous]

My 70 year old parents have been invited to come see their three grandchildren numerous times and have plenty of money to travel. They see their grandkids a total of maybe 1.5 weeks a year. And half of that is us visiting them as a family of five. Wish we were in the "needy" boat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

So your position is that the grandchildren don’t need to develop skills or friendships with other children at all?

They’re just there to bond with the older generation and serve as props for grandma’s sewing club? (Despite the derision of kid activities, let’s be clear that the grandparents activities/schedule are of upmost importance! Show some respect amiright?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

So your position is that the grandchildren don’t need to develop skills or friendships with other children at all?

They’re just there to bond with the older generation and serve as props for grandma’s sewing club? (Despite the derision of kid activities, let’s be clear that the grandparents activities/schedule are of upmost importance! Show some respect amiright?)

Hahahahaha. Spot on!

[Anonymous]

I am going it is all about them? It was about what they wanted when you were kids, and now it is about them when you had kids. When you were a kid, they had friends and fun, but now they are without friends and it is your duty and your kids duty to entertain them?
Now, this assumes that we are talking about very needy grandparents and your parents. Not about grandparents that are "entitled" because they want to see little Johnny once in 3 months, and live one street away from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

So your position is that the grandchildren don’t need to develop skills or friendships with other children at all?

They’re just there to bond with the older generation and serve as props for grandma’s sewing club? (Despite the derision of kid activities, let’s be clear that the grandparents activities/schedule are of upmost importance! Show some respect amiright?)

Oh my bad. They don’t develop friendships or skills at school, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

So your position is that the grandchildren don’t need to develop skills or friendships with other children at all?

They’re just there to bond with the older generation and serve as props for grandma’s sewing club? (Despite the derision of kid activities, let’s be clear that the grandparents activities/schedule are of upmost importance! Show some respect amiright?)

Oh my bad. They don’t develop friendships or skills at school, of course.

I don’t know anyone who learned how to swim at school, do you?
I’ve also never met a kid who had close friends who they never saw outside of school, have you?

From your comment it sounds like you’re doubling down on the idea that grandchildren don’t need friends or any skills (outside of the minimum required by law) and they should focus their lives on being good companions for elderly relatives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the question should be why do parents think chess lessons and birthday parties with kids they won’t even remember in 10 years are more important than grandparents? So many people on this board treat ANY ask like it’s an intrusion. Sorry grandma hasn’t seen Johnny in three months and doesn’t enjoy taking a backseat to free swim at the Y night.

Agree with this to a certain extent. People here act like they're arranging an audience with the Pope when family members want to see the kids. It has to be between these hours ONLY and ONLY do this and ONLY eat that and NO TV OR MOVIES and OMG the kids got dirty and played on a swing set without 14 feet of padding under it, on and on. I'm super close to my nieces and nephews because my brother and SIL fostered that by letting me enjoy them without crazy rules and paranoia about every last thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This language about “access” to grandkids is so bizzare and foreign to me. Don’t people like free childcare from people who love their kids? I sure do. My mom and in laws can have all the “access” they want since access = I can lay down and read while my kids are taken care of.

No. Because it’s not “free”. It involves a visit before and a visit after, however short. I have to drive the kids to grandma, I have to pick them up. I have to chat for a few before, I have to chat after.

Or, since I’m an adult with money, I can pay a babysitter to drive to my house. She knows the routine and I don’t have to make small talk with her. When we come back in the evening, she just leaves, happily, without wanting to talk about anything at all. And then my kids are already asleep and I can carry on with my husband without a grandparent and their small talk ruining the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This language about “access” to grandkids is so bizzare and foreign to me. Don’t people like free childcare from people who love their kids? I sure do. My mom and in laws can have all the “access” they want since access = I can lay down and read while my kids are taken care of.

No. Because it’s not “free”. It involves a visit before and a visit after, however short. I have to drive the kids to grandma, I have to pick them up. I have to chat for a few before, I have to chat after.

Or, since I’m an adult with money, I can pay a babysitter to drive to my house. She knows the routine and I don’t have to make small talk with her. When we come back in the evening, she just leaves, happily, without wanting to talk about anything at all. And then my kids are already asleep and I can carry on with my husband without a grandparent and their small talk ruining the mood.

This X100 plus once kids hit 7, 8 or 9 they pick up on pushy needy behavior and don't want to visit the pushy aunt or grandma either. People who are are always pushing for access are usually looking to fill some need or void they have in their own life. No enjoys being the filler for this type of needy person including kids.

[Anonymous]

In my experience childless aunts and grandmothers who have not had young kids in a very long time can be problematic on so many levels as "free child care". It drives my aunt completely nuts that all her nieces and nephews will send their kids to each other's houses when they travel for a weekend or have a date night but not give the kids over to her. The cousins have fun with each other. The other parents do not need to be told rules of what is appropriate because they have kids. The other parents are doing each other favors and is it not about them. The other houses are set up for kids. The other parents 100% understand homework, bedtimes, sports schedules and kid social activities.

For all of us our first option is always to use each other if it works with the other parents OR maybe friends with same age kids or hire a sitter if it doesn't. No one is using grandma or auntie because they really are not very good with kids and its a hassle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience childless aunts and grandmothers who have not had young kids in a very long time can be problematic on so many levels as "free child care". It drives my aunt completely nuts that all her nieces and nephews will send their kids to each other's houses when they travel for a weekend or have a date night but not give the kids over to her. The cousins have fun with each other. The other parents do not need to be told rules of what is appropriate because they have kids. The other parents are doing each other favors and is it not about them. The other houses are set up for kids. The other parents 100% understand homework, bedtimes, sports schedules and kid social activities.

For all of us our first option is always to use each other if it works with the other parents OR maybe friends with same age kids or hire a sitter if it doesn't. No one is using grandma or auntie because they really are not very good with kids and its a hassle.

How about child-free uncles and grandfathers? That's a lot you're laying exclusively at the feet of women.