Elementary forum makes me realize how little parents care about the right things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are uptight about activities, grades, and social schedules in this sub, yet let their kids play dangerous sports, go to sleepovers, leave them home alone, and let them roam neighborhoods all in elementary.

I think a lot of the elder millennials want their child to have a similar childhood they had, but that's just not realistic. People drive crazier, I wouldn't let my kids bike in the neighborhood roads the way I used to. We know the risks of sleepovers. And I bet half these kids staying home alone can't give their sibling CPR if they choke on a snack or know not to put water on a grease fire...

They are uptight about social status stuff, and don't care about the actual safety of their children. It's like they are little social props.

Yes. That's what children are in affluent areas. You can see this in the babies forum where people blithely put their infants in daycare all day so they can do a status job instead of bonding with their child. Raising a happy loved child who feels safe and is kept safe confers no status points at any age.

Now go read the adult children forum where people complain about their maladjusted "loser" children. Few people here understand cause and effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are uptight about activities, grades, and social schedules in this sub, yet let their kids play dangerous sports, go to sleepovers, leave them home alone, and let them roam neighborhoods all in elementary.

I think a lot of the elder millennials want their child to have a similar childhood they had, but that's just not realistic. People drive crazier, I wouldn't let my kids bike in the neighborhood roads the way I used to. We know the risks of sleepovers. And I bet half these kids staying home alone can't give their sibling CPR if they choke on a snack or know not to put water on a grease fire...

They are uptight about social status stuff, and don't care about the actual safety of their children. It's like they are little social props.

Get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Besides all the other silly premises... the idea that neighborhood surroundings (drivers, people, etc) are any different now then they were 30 years ago is plain dumb. The issue is kids being over-nannied and not given opportunities to learn, making them awkward and not able to handle a simple bike ride or a few hours home alone.

I disagree with OP on almost everything, however I do think there are more cars/trucks in our neighborhoods now due to delivery culture.

[Anonymous]

I think we all knew those kids in college who came from overprotective households where they had no independence. They were the ones passing out at parties and being sent to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped. Don't let that be your kid. Arm them with the tools they need to be successful when they grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are uptight about activities, grades, and social schedules in this sub, yet let their kids play dangerous sports, go to sleepovers, leave them home alone, and let them roam neighborhoods all in elementary.

I think a lot of the elder millennials want their child to have a similar childhood they had, but that's just not realistic. People drive crazier, I wouldn't let my kids bike in the neighborhood roads the way I used to. We know the risks of sleepovers. And I bet half these kids staying home alone can't give their sibling CPR if they choke on a snack or know not to put water on a grease fire...

They are uptight about social status stuff, and don't care about the actual safety of their children. It's like they are little social props.

Yes. That's what children are in affluent areas. You can see this in the babies forum where people blithely put their infants in daycare all day so they can do a status job instead of bonding with their child. Raising a happy loved child who feels safe and is kept safe confers no status points at any age.

Now go read the adult children forum where people complain about their maladjusted "loser" children. Few people here understand cause and effect.

I think you'll find a lot of those kids were babied by their mommies and not allowed to become independent teens. But anyway don't make this about the mommy wars. I thought we were over that. Have some security in your choices. It's okay to be a SAHM without bashing working mothers, and same goes for the other way around.

[Anonymous]

What, no. They do let their kids go to sleepovers and play sports, but stay home alone and roam neighborhoods? No, they don’t do that, what?

[Anonymous]

People in DC take insane risks with children and bikes. I cringe every time I see one on the back of a bike or on an e-bike. You don't live in Mayberry. You're going to get your child killed. But disagree with everything else.

[Anonymous]

We don’t do sleepovers, but ok with sports that are defunded as “ dangerous”, just wear all the safety gears available and follow the safety rules. But is there any sport doesn’t cause injury?

[Anonymous]

Dirt bikes, atvs… no thanks. Kids do need independence. It doesn’t have to be from sleepovers or dangerous sports … there are many ways. I have been at events recently where parents are hovering over 10 year olds about what to eat, what they want to do next, etc. I see parents coaching 10 year olds from the sidelines at PRACTICES. Let the kids be and do their thing.

That all being said - we are all different. I do think the biggest thing is showing your kids that you trust them to make good decisions and give them that chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By dangerous sports I mean dirt bikes, equestrian riding, football.

I did let my daughter take a few equestrian lessons once, but left once I researched the risks and we witnessed a girl break her collarbone. So I get wanting to give your kids experiences, but there's a point where it's not worth the risk.

I have pretty bad anxiety so get the need to protect my kids but also they do some things like ride bikes in the neighborhood, ski, play football, sleepovers, my 10 year old stays alone.. I mean you sound like you have pretty severe anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Live and let live. We all have different priorities. Better to reflect on what you get out of thinking others have the wrong priorities. And, remember what a pp said, these posts are anonymous. Anyone could be posting anything - inconsistently. Who knows. Sometimes, you get nuggets of wisdom and other times threads get unpleasant with judgment.

- signed a mom who let her daughter ride horses until she told me she was scared of jumping and didn’t want to do it anymore (happy to follow her lead on interests)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know how DC urban moms works right? You have no idea who is posting what. The lady clutching her pearls about grades and banning sleepovers could be one and the same.

I’m sure they are the same lady.

Reasonable sensible parents want their child in appropriate classes and doing their best. They allow sleepovers with friends because they don’t live in fear. They’re careful about safety but don’t see evil around every corner. They allow their child to choose any activity they’re interested in including sports.

[Anonymous]

The sleepover debate is so weird to me because I'm okay with some sleepovers and not others. It's not a blanket no sleepovers rule, but sometimes I say no because of the timing, location, or not the family, or because it just sounds like a bad situation. I also said no to sleepovers until about age 8, for maturity reasons. She wasn't ready and I wouldn't want to do that to her or to another family who would have to deal with it.

Honestly I feel the same about all of this stuff. I'd let my kid ride horses (she doesn't want to, I've asked) but I'd be a huge stickler about safety and where she took lessons because it can be a dangerous sport and I'd want to make sure it was being done as safely as possible. I leave my kid home alone sometimes but we aren't yet leaving her for more than short periods because she doesn't seem ready for it -- we'll extend that as she gets older and more responsible.

I don't know any parents who are literally never letting their kids do anything independently, nor do I know any parents who just let kids do whatever with no boundaries limits. Either extreme is too much. Most people fall in the middle. And if you encounter a parent who is like "no sleepovers" or "we don't leave Larlo home alone" I would just assume it's a "not yet" situation and that their kid will get there eventually.

[Anonymous]

We come from a long line of equestrians. My great-grandmother rode in her old age and died from complications from a riding fall. Yet it's hard for me to say no when one of my kids really wants to ride. I'm a worry wart, so I researched helmets and found a new type that's more protective than others: the MIPS protection system. For a while we were at a barn that did not prioritize safety, and I'm glad to be out of that environment. We are now at a really excellent one that takes safety seriously: they choose well-trained, even-tempered horses to begin with, take good care of them, and conduct lessons in large spaces with no more than 4 horses at a time (crowding during a lesson is a known cause of rearing, bucking and accidents). DD knows that she needs to listen to her horse's signals, sense how it's feeling and prevent all triggers that might get them to react badly.

In life, you need to balance personal happiness and growth with safety. In some instances, you cannot escape adverse consequences: I was hit by a car at 10 years old.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge others.

[Anonymous]

Oh no. A random anonymous internet poster doesn't like millennial parenting styles. I don't know how I can go on.