Elementary forum makes me realize how little parents care about the right things

[Anonymous]

Parents are uptight about activities, grades, and social schedules in this sub, yet let their kids play dangerous sports, go to sleepovers, leave them home alone, and let them roam neighborhoods all in elementary.

I think a lot of the elder millennials want their child to have a similar childhood they had, but that's just not realistic. People drive crazier, I wouldn't let my kids bike in the neighborhood roads the way I used to. We know the risks of sleepovers. And I bet half these kids staying home alone can't give their sibling CPR if they choke on a snack or know not to put water on a grease fire...

They are uptight about social status stuff, and don't care about the actual safety of their children. It's like they are little social props.

[Anonymous]

By dangerous sports I mean dirt bikes, equestrian riding, football.

I did let my daughter take a few equestrian lessons once, but left once I researched the risks and we witnessed a girl break her collarbone. So I get wanting to give your kids experiences, but there's a point where it's not worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

You know how DC urban moms works right? You have no idea who is posting what. The lady clutching her pearls about grades and banning sleepovers could be one in the same.

[Anonymous]

Not letting kids have age appropriate independence can be more damaging than a bike ride around the neighborhood.

If a kid is choking, their siblings shouldn’t do cpr.

Kids can stay home alone without risking a grease fire. Perhaps the first time a kid stays home alone for 15 minutes isn’t the time for deep frying.

[Anonymous]

I had hundreds of sleepovers growing up and was never molested. Just because something can happen doesn’t mean it will happen. Everything can be dangerous, but living in a bubble doesn’t make a good life. I studied abroad in a foreign country before there was even Mapquest. All the challenges I faced in that time, figuring out the language, finding my way through the cities, helped me grow as a person. If my parents had refused to let me go because someone they knew had been pickpocketed in that country, my life would have been limited.

Don’t let your personal anxieties hold your kids back, please. If you read the Anxious Generation, you’ll find that you need to do the opposite of what you are doing now in order for your own kids to be healthy and happy. Try to let go.

[Anonymous]

You’re wrong. Letting your kids have independence and navigate new and difficult situations has nothing to do with being “social props”—that doesn’t even make sense.

[Anonymous]

Besides all the other silly premises... the idea that neighborhood surroundings (drivers, people, etc) are any different now then they were 30 years ago is plain dumb. The issue is kids being over-nannied and not given opportunities to learn, making them awkward and not able to handle a simple bike ride or a few hours home alone.

[Anonymous]

The thing I have a problem with is watching kids in my neighborhood ride bikes without helmets, or parents that don’t talk to their kids about SA before they go on sleepovers, etc. I believe in giving kids reasonable independence but also equipping them with knowledge and having them take basic safety precautions - I barely see any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had hundreds of sleepovers growing up and was never molested. Just because something can happen doesn’t mean it will happen. Everything can be dangerous, but living in a bubble doesn’t make a good life. I studied abroad in a foreign country before there was even Mapquest. All the challenges I faced in that time, figuring out the language, finding my way through the cities, helped me grow as a person. If my parents had refused to let me go because someone they knew had been pickpocketed in that country, my life would have been limited.

Don’t let your personal anxieties hold your kids back, please. If you read the Anxious Generation, you’ll find that you need to do the opposite of what you are doing now in order for your own kids to be healthy and happy. Try to let go.

OP, please take the folded words to heart. Your kids need to learn their own boundaries, their own strengths and weaknesses. Your anxiety is front and center, and that will do more damage to your kids than say learning to ride a horse and breaking their collar bone. Bones heal a lot faster than the mental health issues you are creating for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Ha! I have a 10 yo equestrian daughter who jumps, does dressage and yes she does fall but she has the proper gear and will be fine.

She rarely stays home alone and when she does we FaceTime or chat. Lastly, we only sleepover two houses because I fully trust them and know those families. We also talk about SA and have a communication plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had hundreds of sleepovers growing up and was never molested. Just because something can happen doesn’t mean it will happen. Everything can be dangerous, but living in a bubble doesn’t make a good life. I studied abroad in a foreign country before there was even Mapquest. All the challenges I faced in that time, figuring out the language, finding my way through the cities, helped me grow as a person. If my parents had refused to let me go because someone they knew had been pickpocketed in that country, my life would have been limited.

Don’t let your personal anxieties hold your kids back, please. If you read the Anxious Generation, you’ll find that you need to do the opposite of what you are doing now in order for your own kids to be healthy and happy. Try to let go.

OP, please take the folded words to heart. Your kids need to learn their own boundaries, their own strengths and weaknesses. Your anxiety is front and center, and that will do more damage to your kids than say learning to ride a horse and breaking their collar bone. Bones heal a lot faster than the mental health issues you are creating for your kids.

+1

OP, get help before you f up your kids.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be so hard on OP. It's a balance. While yes, of course, kids need to gain independence as they grow so they develop judgment and coping skills, it's also ok for parents to be protective, especially if young kids.

My DD has never been on a sleepover, doesn't do any dangerous sports, and has never been home alone for more than 15 minutes. She's 8. She's plenty independent for her age and can go in a shop alone to make a purchase, walks to school with a friend and no adult most days, and packs her own school bag with minimal interference. I'm happy with where she is at.

I think both OP and those responding defensively need to understand every kid is different, parents may prioritize different things, but that doesn't mean they are WRONG. Short of abuse or neglect, there are a variety of ways to raise kids that will work out well. There are different kinds of people in the world, variety is actually a good thing.

[Anonymous]

I'm Gen X. My mom gave me a key to unlock the front door to our empty house after walking eight blocks home alone from school. In kindergarten. She was at work. I crossed a high-traffic road with semis carrying big loads, racing down the street. Vivid memory of walking home from kindergarten alone and unlocking the front door with the key, like a big kid. I would be at home alone for a few hours until someone got home. Don't remember what I did, but I'm still here. Neither of my parents had much time for me, never enrolled me in activities. Go play, why are you sitting around the house, they would say. So I would ride my bike to the next town, four miles away, just for something to do. In third grade. That was my childhood in the 1970s. It's all perspective, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be so hard on OP. It's a balance. While yes, of course, kids need to gain independence as they grow so they develop judgment and coping skills, it's also ok for parents to be protective, especially if young kids.

My DD has never been on a sleepover, doesn't do any dangerous sports, and has never been home alone for more than 15 minutes. She's 8. She's plenty independent for her age and can go in a shop alone to make a purchase, walks to school with a friend and no adult most days, and packs her own school bag with minimal interference. I'm happy with where she is at.

I think both OP and those responding defensively need to understand every kid is different, parents may prioritize different things, but that doesn't mean they are WRONG. Short of abuse or neglect, there are a variety of ways to raise kids that will work out well. There are different kinds of people in the world, variety is actually a good thing.

It's fine to be hard on OP because she sled righteously calls her approach caring about the "right things" as if it's objectively better and everyone else just uses their kids as "social props." It's not coming from a place of just sharing her preferences or parenting style.

[Anonymous]

OP, we know some over protective parents. Here is a hard truth -- their kids end up LESS SAFE once they actually gain their independence, because they don't have enough experience taking responsibility for their own safety.


These gradual actions -- walking around the neighborhood, biking, staying home alone -- give your kids experience in how to navigate, avoid dangers, make good decisions. If they never have experience making these kinds of decisions on their own, they will make bad ones when they are inevitably free.


I highly recommend reading the book "How to Raise an Adult." Especially the second half.

Her process for teaching your kids independence-related skills is:

1. Do it for them.
2. Do it with them.
3. Watch them while they do it.
4. They do it on their own.


This is parenting, OP. Raise yourself up to this task.