Elementary forum makes me realize how little parents care about the right things

[Anonymous]

What, no. They do let their kids go to sleepovers and play sports, but stay home alone and roam neighborhoods? No, they don’t do that, what?

[Anonymous]

People in DC take insane risks with children and bikes. I cringe every time I see one on the back of a bike or on an e-bike. You don't live in Mayberry. You're going to get your child killed. But disagree with everything else.

[Anonymous]

We don’t do sleepovers, but ok with sports that are defunded as “ dangerous”, just wear all the safety gears available and follow the safety rules. But is there any sport doesn’t cause injury?

[Anonymous]

Dirt bikes, atvs… no thanks. Kids do need independence. It doesn’t have to be from sleepovers or dangerous sports … there are many ways. I have been at events recently where parents are hovering over 10 year olds about what to eat, what they want to do next, etc. I see parents coaching 10 year olds from the sidelines at PRACTICES. Let the kids be and do their thing.

That all being said - we are all different. I do think the biggest thing is showing your kids that you trust them to make good decisions and give them that chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By dangerous sports I mean dirt bikes, equestrian riding, football.

I did let my daughter take a few equestrian lessons once, but left once I researched the risks and we witnessed a girl break her collarbone. So I get wanting to give your kids experiences, but there's a point where it's not worth the risk.

I have pretty bad anxiety so get the need to protect my kids but also they do some things like ride bikes in the neighborhood, ski, play football, sleepovers, my 10 year old stays alone.. I mean you sound like you have pretty severe anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Live and let live. We all have different priorities. Better to reflect on what you get out of thinking others have the wrong priorities. And, remember what a pp said, these posts are anonymous. Anyone could be posting anything - inconsistently. Who knows. Sometimes, you get nuggets of wisdom and other times threads get unpleasant with judgment.

- signed a mom who let her daughter ride horses until she told me she was scared of jumping and didn’t want to do it anymore (happy to follow her lead on interests)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know how DC urban moms works right? You have no idea who is posting what. The lady clutching her pearls about grades and banning sleepovers could be one and the same.

I’m sure they are the same lady.

Reasonable sensible parents want their child in appropriate classes and doing their best. They allow sleepovers with friends because they don’t live in fear. They’re careful about safety but don’t see evil around every corner. They allow their child to choose any activity they’re interested in including sports.

[Anonymous]

The sleepover debate is so weird to me because I'm okay with some sleepovers and not others. It's not a blanket no sleepovers rule, but sometimes I say no because of the timing, location, or not the family, or because it just sounds like a bad situation. I also said no to sleepovers until about age 8, for maturity reasons. She wasn't ready and I wouldn't want to do that to her or to another family who would have to deal with it.

Honestly I feel the same about all of this stuff. I'd let my kid ride horses (she doesn't want to, I've asked) but I'd be a huge stickler about safety and where she took lessons because it can be a dangerous sport and I'd want to make sure it was being done as safely as possible. I leave my kid home alone sometimes but we aren't yet leaving her for more than short periods because she doesn't seem ready for it -- we'll extend that as she gets older and more responsible.

I don't know any parents who are literally never letting their kids do anything independently, nor do I know any parents who just let kids do whatever with no boundaries limits. Either extreme is too much. Most people fall in the middle. And if you encounter a parent who is like "no sleepovers" or "we don't leave Larlo home alone" I would just assume it's a "not yet" situation and that their kid will get there eventually.

[Anonymous]

We come from a long line of equestrians. My great-grandmother rode in her old age and died from complications from a riding fall. Yet it's hard for me to say no when one of my kids really wants to ride. I'm a worry wart, so I researched helmets and found a new type that's more protective than others: the MIPS protection system. For a while we were at a barn that did not prioritize safety, and I'm glad to be out of that environment. We are now at a really excellent one that takes safety seriously: they choose well-trained, even-tempered horses to begin with, take good care of them, and conduct lessons in large spaces with no more than 4 horses at a time (crowding during a lesson is a known cause of rearing, bucking and accidents). DD knows that she needs to listen to her horse's signals, sense how it's feeling and prevent all triggers that might get them to react badly.

In life, you need to balance personal happiness and growth with safety. In some instances, you cannot escape adverse consequences: I was hit by a car at 10 years old.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge others.

[Anonymous]

Oh no. A random anonymous internet poster doesn't like millennial parenting styles. I don't know how I can go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We come from a long line of equestrians. My great-grandmother rode in her old age and died from complications from a riding fall. Yet it's hard for me to say no when one of my kids really wants to ride. I'm a worry wart, so I researched helmets and found a new type that's more protective than others: the MIPS protection system.

In life, you need to balance personal happiness and growth with safety. In some instances, you cannot escape adverse consequences: I was hit by a car at 10 years old.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge others.

And we come from a long like of artists and athletes, both D1 and pros, dancers, pro and teaching, painting. There are boys who shouldn’t play football but there are some who do very well. Most students go on to academic college but others have talents in the arts and study at conservatories or with professional companies.

There’s no way to judge a whole group of people without knowing anything about them. People judge when someone writes that their child rides horses or plays football or sleeps over friends every weekend. These are routine activities that children and teens enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We come from a long line of equestrians. My great-grandmother rode in her old age and died from complications from a riding fall. Yet it's hard for me to say no when one of my kids really wants to ride. I'm a worry wart, so I researched helmets and found a new type that's more protective than others: the MIPS protection system. For a while we were at a barn that did not prioritize safety, and I'm glad to be out of that environment. We are now at a really excellent one that takes safety seriously: they choose well-trained, even-tempered horses to begin with, take good care of them, and conduct lessons in large spaces with no more than 4 horses at a time (crowding during a lesson is a known cause of rearing, bucking and accidents). DD knows that she needs to listen to her horse's signals, sense how it's feeling and prevent all triggers that might get them to react badly.

In life, you need to balance personal happiness and growth with safety. In some instances, you cannot escape adverse consequences: I was hit by a car at 10 years old.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge others.

well isnt that special ms horse lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We come from a long line of equestrians. My great-grandmother rode in her old age and died from complications from a riding fall. Yet it's hard for me to say no when one of my kids really wants to ride. I'm a worry wart, so I researched helmets and found a new type that's more protective than others: the MIPS protection system. For a while we were at a barn that did not prioritize safety, and I'm glad to be out of that environment. We are now at a really excellent one that takes safety seriously: they choose well-trained, even-tempered horses to begin with, take good care of them, and conduct lessons in large spaces with no more than 4 horses at a time (crowding during a lesson is a known cause of rearing, bucking and accidents). DD knows that she needs to listen to her horse's signals, sense how it's feeling and prevent all triggers that might get them to react badly.

In life, you need to balance personal happiness and growth with safety. In some instances, you cannot escape adverse consequences: I was hit by a car at 10 years old.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge others.

well isnt that special ms horse lady.

What's your problem? Would you have said that of any other poster who try to make their kid's activity safer? You're picking this one because of the perceived wealth involved? Would you do the same if it was sailing? Travel sports? Robotics competitions in various cities? Where is the line?

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be so hard on OP. It's a balance. While yes, of course, kids need to gain independence as they grow so they develop judgment and coping skills, it's also ok for parents to be protective, especially if young kids.

My DD has never been on a sleepover, doesn't do any dangerous sports, and has never been home alone for more than 15 minutes. She's 8. She's plenty independent for her age and can go in a shop alone to make a purchase, walks to school with a friend and no adult most days, and packs her own school bag with minimal interference. I'm happy with where she is at.

I think both OP and those responding defensively need to understand every kid is different, parents may prioritize different things, but that doesn't mean they are WRONG. Short of abuse or neglect, there are a variety of ways to raise kids that will work out well. There are different kinds of people in the world, variety is actually a good thing.

It's fine to be hard on OP because she sled righteously calls her approach caring about the "right things" as if it's objectively better and everyone else just uses their kids as "social props." It's not coming from a place of just sharing her preferences or parenting style.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We come from a long line of equestrians. My great-grandmother rode in her old age and died from complications from a riding fall. Yet it's hard for me to say no when one of my kids really wants to ride. I'm a worry wart, so I researched helmets and found a new type that's more protective than others: the MIPS protection system. For a while we were at a barn that did not prioritize safety, and I'm glad to be out of that environment. We are now at a really excellent one that takes safety seriously: they choose well-trained, even-tempered horses to begin with, take good care of them, and conduct lessons in large spaces with no more than 4 horses at a time (crowding during a lesson is a known cause of rearing, bucking and accidents). DD knows that she needs to listen to her horse's signals, sense how it's feeling and prevent all triggers that might get them to react badly.

In life, you need to balance personal happiness and growth with safety. In some instances, you cannot escape adverse consequences: I was hit by a car at 10 years old.

I don't think you should be so quick to judge others.

OP here. Same, my mother had horses. My grandparents on the other side did too. My sister has a horse. Doesn't make the sport safe. A ride every once in a while is fine, but when I saw that girl get a new horse 2 months after getting bucked off and hurt, I knew it was the parents. They would also bribe her with Starbucks to ride 4x a week. Just one example. They owned an airport.

As far as the helicopter comments, I do walk to the grocery store for an item or two (3 min walk) but I FaceTime my kids on my walk back. I also let them play outside with the neighbor kids, they just can't ride by the cars. They ride at the basketball courts that are always empty. There's a way to give your children independence safely. Also my insurance is going up every year due to the crazy amount of accidents in my city, don't need some guy without insurance hitting my child.