If you could get a do-over, how would you parent differently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really overreacted to my 4yo son’s hitting and absolutely made the situation worse. He’s an awesome pre-teen now, no long term damage, but I know I caused a hard phase to be a million times harder.

I over reacted to things too. Not hitting but talking back for one kid and spitting for another. Yes they ended up doing it way more because they could tell it really got to me.

I wish I had just been calmer in general. Still working on that every day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have used daycare, had them learn chores early and participate, made DD learn to drive and get a job. Stressed less over college apps and taught DD to stress less.

I also would have gone part time instead of quitting my job. Trying to return to the job market with an elementary school child was a horrible mistake- took forever to work my way up in my career and was jarring for DD who went from 3 pm play dates and a mom that was around to aftercare.

However, DD was diagnosed with Autism in HS- so not sure how any of these changes might have affected her. Maybe she would have been diagnosed sooner.

What were her symptoms?

[Anonymous]

Work harder to instill resilience and tolerance of failure. Not moved homes so often.

[Anonymous]

I regret doing the “cry it out” method and wish I let my oldest sleep in our bed as a baby.

[Anonymous]

Stricter screen time limits when I first gave my older a phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret doing the “cry it out” method and wish I let my oldest sleep in our bed as a baby.

I have no regrets for using the cry it out method—both my kids are smart, well adjusted, good sleepers, and love us deeply.

I am asking just out of curiosity and not judgment—What do you think happened? What is the regret for?

[Anonymous]

I would get help for my anxiety before having kids. I’m finally doing it now with teens but it would have been so much better to do it first. For me and them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have pushed my DH to move before our oldest started elementary school, when I knew we were going to need to, rather than letting him convince me to punt on it. Now we are stuck in the hard position of staying where we are despite some major drawbacks (schools, house), or uproot our kids. I haaaaaate it and I should have stuck to my guns a few years ago.

+1 on moving when kids were young to a place that’s less striver and wealth driven. It’s caused a tremendous amount of anxiety over the years and I’m envious of friends raising kids in more sane places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret doing the “cry it out” method and wish I let my oldest sleep in our bed as a baby.

Not me. That child is my best sleeper, by far!

[Anonymous]

no social media

[Anonymous]

No regrets as I already did less and it worked out great with the kids I have.
Having a lousy partner is a regret, but I had no idea they were masking.

[Anonymous]

I would have sought treatment for my anxiety much earlier.

[Anonymous]

More dinners at the table
More random stops at the park
More random fun surprises
More patience from me

[Anonymous]

I was struggling emotionally/mentally when my kids were early elementary aged. I know I was doing the best I could at the time, but I do feel like I’ve failed them in some ways.

I wish I would have prioritized reading, once they were independent readers

I wish I had set better routines around dinners/evening time

I wish we had done more outside together: walks, bike rides, etc. I wish I had taken them to more fun parks, etc.

I wish I hadn’t snapped at them and had found better ways of coping with the end-of-day stress

[Anonymous]

I wish I had pulled them from public earlier in the pandemic. We went private eventually but it should have been sooner. (We are back public now and glad to be, but zoom kindergarten was ridiculous.)

I also kinda wish we had moved away from the DMV before my oldest started kindergarten to someplace with saner parents. But our jobs were here, and we have found a lovely community we would have missed out on.