Your experience handling teen medication refusal for ADHD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to respect his decision. Work with him on other ways to manage his school work.

Wrong.

Taking meds is a non-negotiable. Period, the end.


If he’s concerned about growth be sure he knows it’s due to less eating and nothing else. He should bulk up on protein, fruits and veg and take a multivitamin

Lol good luck with that. He is a teenager not a baby - you cannot and should not force it - particularly since this is not a life & death situation (or even impacting his health, per se). I suppose a really abusive or authoritarian parent could force it, but to what end? You are going to wreck your relationship with your child, and also wreck your child's relationship to psychiatry/psychology.

You know nothing about me. But thanks. We actually have a great relationship. It’s okay to hold the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP and should add my son is 15 as well. He used to resist more, but doesn’t now. We have held the line and not budged. We said we will continue to revisit over time, but his brain had less dopamine than other brains and he needs it especially now.

Kids who are not medicated with ADHD are more likely to commit self harm, get in came accidents and generally make poorer decisions. The teens years are especially risky. They are impulsive and 2-3 years behind in maturity. It’s real, so again in our house, meds are an on-going discussion with us, him and the Psych but what ever is prescribed at the time is taken. Not up for negotiation

wow, parent of the year. using misinformation and scare tactics to force your child to take a medication that isn't actually required for their immediate health. honestly reading this made me want to vomit.

Talk to your psychiatrist. This is actually all true

[Anonymous]

There have been many studies on the effect of stimulants on growth. A number have found a small effect, but not a significant one. Even assuming he is on the shorter side it really going to matter if he is 5'9" vs. 5'8 1/2"?

I don't agree that it is just an issue of his choice under the circumstances you describe. You say you are in a situation where a minor living in my house was creating a situation that made me feel like I was aging a year every weekend. That's not fair to you, if the situation can be changed by meds.

However, on the lying, I would just let that go, based on my own experience. It's beyond frustrating, but engaging on it leads to nothing productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi all and thanks for your posts. I read through everything. This place helps to get through some pretty tough times. I’ll answer some of the points above.

Exec Coach- We tried it, it did not work. DS says yes to the professional and expensive coach, then goes off with no change in behavior or buy in. I also recently (this school year) recruited our neighbor who is a young teacher, on extended maternity break. She would make a big list of things that need to be done in terms of follow ups with teachers and missing assignments, but then DS wouldn’t follow up when he’s at school…. We stopped during the holidays and then he never agreed to go back saying that it’s just a waste of money.

Homework: DS gets violently angry if I suggest that I sit next to him while he is doing his homework or if I’m just in the vicinity and I keep an eye on him. He starts yelling Go Away.
Yes, we talk almost every day when the money is right about composure, regulation, why school is important. It is now like my second job to keep reading up and watch content on how to parent a defiant teen with ADHD…

Tutor- DS rejects any tutor. “I don’t need a tutor. You will see. I will catch up on my own on missing assignments. And I will do a retake test. It doesn’t help and you will just waste the money.” - he says. We had online math tutor - DS told the tutor he had no questions and session kept being cut like that…

Doctor / neutral party talk. Our prescription is pretty minimal, and it is prescribed by a regular doctor. I was unable to get into psychiatrist - it is always either insurance problem or unavailability problem. So based on the diagnosis made by a psychologist, we got prescription from our family doctor. I think I was here before and folks recommended to have DS talk to the doctor directly. It was some months ago that DS talked to family doctor. He acted friendly and agreed to take medication but the moment we went to the car, he said he lied to the doctor. He he continued refusing medication. That doctor took time…. Explained everything; he said that his own children are taking it; explain that risks are minimal compared to benefits.

Lying: this behavior is constant. The latest lie is that DS skipped a class due to not being ready and then lied about it. This happened twice; same subject — history. And this is how I know that ability is not a problem… history requires reading and stamina to get through lengthy readings… and I clearly see that DS is unable to do that. On the other hand, DS is in honors geometry class. He’s able to handle it if he studies but this one is slipping too lately.

Latest issues: DS became violent breaking the property when I took away his phone and comp privilege… he broke the full body mirror in his room and into shreds. And pulled ceiling height bookcase off the anchoring, and onto the floor… in other words, his room was trashed. I read up and this is elimination strategy. When teens know that the punishment is real, they act out in order to eliminate the threat in this way… this was a few weeks ago and we started individual therapy with a new provider. She seems very young and not sure she can handle it. You folks know that it is not easy to find a therapist that is a good match. Online therapy is fam therapy and DS wants to stop it - he says it is not helpful.

I am probably forgetting something….
I think my immediate plan is to have a family doctor talk to him again. I already have an appointment and also even though it is a long time just to get a psychiatrist appointment.

I am so worn out that I think of going on FMLA…

OP you need much better help than your family doctor and a young therapist. Despite what people say, ADHD medications are not going to solve what you listed - and you cannot force him to take it anyway. You need the support of a therapist experienced in behavioral issues because your home has far too much conflict that you seem to be triggering. In the interim you need to back way, way off of demands and punishments until you develop a plan with the support of a therapist. The therapist is for YOU not your kid. Drop everything else except for positive things you do with him.

We’ve been through something very similar with my son.

He needs a psychiatrist, full stop. A family doctor is simply not equipped to deal with these issues. And if your son is having outbursts, a stimulant medication is going to make them worse, not better. He may not be articulating it, and he may not even be self-aware enough to notice, but the ADHD medication probably makes him feel worse, not better, as is often the case with someone who has emotional regulation problems like you describe.

He either needs some type of SSRI or mood stabilizer, then something to help with the ADHD (stimulant or non-stimulant) or a non-stimulant like Intuniv or Strattera. Only a psychiatrist can help figure out what would work best and he may need to try several meds or even combos of meds before finding the right solution.

Let your son talk to the psychiatrist directly so he feels ownership in coming up with his treatment plan.

He needs a good therapist. Often it takes trying out several before you find the one he connects with and respects. My son now has a therapist (his forth) who he helped select and he really likes and respects. She’s great about explaining the neuroscience behind his ADHD and anxiety and that resonates with him (it’s not something that would resonate with me). It’s amazing- he listens to her in a way he won’t listen to us. A recent example was he refused to take a SAT prep course bc it “took too much time”. His therapist talked to him about how much this can improve his score and open up college choices (which we tried to explain). He came home from a therapy session and asked me to sign him up for the course.

Drop the rope on tutoring and homework. Honestly, until he wants to succeed, all this is doing is creating battles you’re not going to win. It’s so hard to stop wanting to intervene. But you simply cannot make him want good grades. My son got a 3.0 freshman year, a 3.4 sophomore year and now has a 3.89 as a junior. He didn’t start caring about his grades until late last year once we let him know his school was not our responsibility and his success or failure in school was all on him. We did everything we could to try to help him and he floundered. Now that we stopped, he’s finally putting forth the effort.

Therapy for you. You need help setting boundaries with him. You also need to not make this your entire focus right now. Going out on FMLA would be the worst thing you could do bc you wouldn’t have the distraction of work. This is hard, but your son’s issues are part of his life experience. You can try to help him, but there’s only so much you can do and ultimately, he’s going to have to figure out how to cope with his ADHD and emotional disregulation. You can do everything in the world to give him all the tools to succeed, but nothing will work until he starts using them. Similar to how an alcoholic won’t get better until they can admit they’ve lost control and need help, your son’s issues won’t start improving until he’s ready to start doing the work. Getting him on the right medication (not a stimulant, which is only increasing irritability and emotional disregulation) is the first step to allow his brain to think more logically so that he can be open to help.

PP. yes ITA about needing a psychiatrist too!

[Anonymous]

ITA also about a psychiatrist. The thing is that there are tons of medications for ADHD and finding the right one sometimes takes time.

My DS also rejected help at the beginning. The only way I got him to try is to acknowledge explicitly to him that he is becoming an independent person who gets to make his own decisions, but that I hoped that he recognized that I, as a parent had a lot more knowledge of and understanding of ADHD, meds and health care and that I really cared about him and sensed that he was not very happy and that I was offering him tools to help him cope with ADHD and his life and that he could create a life he was happier with.

I pointed out that it seemed kind of short-sighted to make a decision about medication without talking to the expert in medication - the psychiatrist. I validated his concerns about meds and said there are many ways to handle and gave him examples - take meds in am after a big bkfst, have a second dinner after meds wear off, pack small snacks for school, try a different med, etc. I also validated repeatedly that I know that brain based disorders - whether ADHD, a learning disability or mental illness like depression - are at their core physical (brain chemistry and brain networks) and that stigma against them is wrong and stupid, and not at all what I believe.

He did ultimately see the psychiatrist and tried both ADHD medication and an anti-depressant, which he found helpful.

He stopped taking meds in college, had a bad semester, but then got into an academic major he found really interesting which solved many of his ADHD problems.

While growth impact is a real concern with ADHD stimulants, the impact on growth mostly comes from the way stimulants decrease appetite. Lower caloric intake during the critical growth period means slightly less height. But, there are many ways to try to ensure a kid still eats enough. Some I mentioned above. Others involve taking a short-acting dose and stacking all academic classes in the first half of the day so that normal appetite resumes. School *must* make scheduling accommodations if you want to do this.

FWIW, I am also ADHD and found taking Straterra pretty helpful - it helps my emotions be not so big and that was a big part of task avoidance for me. It also dampens the Default Mode Network which allows the Task Positive Network to be more effective - this cuts down my daydreaming/rumination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ITA also about a psychiatrist. The thing is that there are tons of medications for ADHD and finding the right one sometimes takes time.

My DS also rejected help at the beginning. The only way I got him to try is to acknowledge explicitly to him that he is becoming an independent person who gets to make his own decisions, but that I hoped that he recognized that I, as a parent had a lot more knowledge of and understanding of ADHD, meds and health care and that I really cared about him and sensed that he was not very happy and that I was offering him tools to help him cope with ADHD and his life and that he could create a life he was happier with.

I pointed out that it seemed kind of short-sighted to make a decision about medication without talking to the expert in medication - the psychiatrist. I validated his concerns about meds and said there are many ways to handle and gave him examples - take meds in am after a big bkfst, have a second dinner after meds wear off, pack small snacks for school, try a different med, etc. I also validated repeatedly that I know that brain based disorders - whether ADHD, a learning disability or mental illness like depression - are at their core physical (brain chemistry and brain networks) and that stigma against them is wrong and stupid, and not at all what I believe.

He did ultimately see the psychiatrist and tried both ADHD medication and an anti-depressant, which he found helpful.

He stopped taking meds in college, had a bad semester, but then got into an academic major he found really interesting which solved many of his ADHD problems.

While growth impact is a real concern with ADHD stimulants, the impact on growth mostly comes from the way stimulants decrease appetite. Lower caloric intake during the critical growth period means slightly less height. But, there are many ways to try to ensure a kid still eats enough. Some I mentioned above. Others involve taking a short-acting dose and stacking all academic classes in the first half of the day so that normal appetite resumes. School *must* make scheduling accommodations if you want to do this.

FWIW, I am also ADHD and found taking Straterra pretty helpful - it helps my emotions be not so big and that was a big part of task avoidance for me. It also dampens the Default Mode Network which allows the Task Positive Network to be more effective - this cuts down my daydreaming/rumination.

It’s not at all clear that ADHD is even this issue here - so he needs a psychiatrist who will start from scratch to evaluate what is going on.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you schedule an appointment with his pediatrician and take a data-driven approach to it - agree to meet monthly and monitor his growth curve. You can pay a little extra in copays and actively monitor with a neutral medical professional. Why don't you also agree to have him take post a large breakfast and offer expanded eating hours late in the day when he is likely to be hungry.

His concerns are not unreasonable, but there are probably some very effective mitigants (some I suggested above). I was very surprised to see my adolescent child has stayed very steady on the weight curve after starting.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we have a lot of help - executive functioning coach, english tutor, ADHD coach, school counselor.

[Anonymous]

My DC is 11 and has started giving me hard time about taking his ADHD medication. Thankfully it is liquid and after some back and forth every morning he takes it quickly. He has no access to body building videos but recently talked about getting muscles and when he can expect that to happen. He is genetically thin and I don't know if it will happen unless he really gets into weight lifting later in life. I am afraid I may run into similar issues but as others have said having a competent psychiatrist or even a psychiatrist nurse practitioner is helpful. The pediatrician started my kiddo on meds and then we transitioned as soon as we could. We have a psychiatrist NP that takes our insurance who has a network of psychiatrist for consultation when needed. I would suggest that you discuss your concerns with the therapist directly as young does not equate competency. If the therapist has good ethics and judgement they should be trying to referring you out to someone with more expertise. Sometimes teens may connect better with younger provider than older as well. Kudos to you mom you are doing your best you can, and this journey has many hills and valleys but the sun sets and rises in all places so stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m PP and should add my son is 15 as well. He used to resist more, but doesn’t now. We have held the line and not budged. We said we will continue to revisit over time, but his brain had less dopamine than other brains and he needs it especially now.

Kids who are not medicated with ADHD are more likely to commit self harm, get in came accidents and generally make poorer decisions. The teens years are especially risky. They are impulsive and 2-3 years behind in maturity. It’s real, so again in our house, meds are an on-going discussion with us, him and the Psych but what ever is prescribed at the time is taken. Not up for negotiation

wow, parent of the year. using misinformation and scare tactics to force your child to take a medication that isn't actually required for their immediate health. honestly reading this made me want to vomit.

+10000

[Anonymous]

I agree he needs to talk to a psychologist about this. My then rising 8th grader was a firm no until this convresation. He hated the medication though and the way it made him feel. He took different variations of ritilin immediate or extended release 10 or 20mg all through the first half of 8th grade and then, term 3, I let it be his choice. He took it occasionaly on days of tests but soon said no altogether. So he is unmedicated in high school. I do a lot of heavy lifting at home body doubling with homework 2-4 hours a night. Lots of yelling to get him back on task - his reistance to boring work can be intense. But he is the one making the list of what he has to do. he wants to do well. I pull him across the finish line and he has As and Bs

Socialing with peers is a disaster. And I worry most about this. He is on the spectrum and that makes it worse (obviously) but also better because it doesn't hurt as much that he is despised.

Get him to talk to a psychologist but it has to be his choice. If his choice is no, work with psychologist to try to set up supports.

[Anonymous]

This is OP and I read through all posts above. I’m so grateful for all posts, long and short. Still learning to be strong and keep it calm and patient. Simply knowing that I’m not alone helps. Long posters - special thanks - I’m learning.

DS agreed to see and was engaged at the family Dr Appointment. I encouraged him to ask questions and discuss his concerns, and he did. And then agreed to try for 30d and reassess together.

I still don’t have psychiatrist appointment yet but on my to do list.

DS definitely needs medication. His symptoms are screaming adhd - it is hard to explain to those folks arguing they don’t need it. He is UNABLE to motivate himself to study at home… he is NOT interested in good grades. And after taking medication, you see 100% change — able to work through and cooperate with you, as you sit nearby to just be there as moral support to get through his challenging homework.

Logical thinking is a problem bc DS does not comprehend a linkage between education and long term benefits.

Many years ago, I did not believe in meds, and now I really get what adhd is and how it presents. Meds to adhd are like glasses to a person with poor vision. I’m very humbled by what adhd can do to your child. This child went from knowing all the president names in kindergarten (the first one to memorize in class) to just Ok in middle school with 0 meds, and now Fs in multiple soft subjects. It is just very clear, it’s not about capacity (as his tests showed in grades 2 and 4), it’s all about executive functioning breaks… when on task, it takes him literally a few minutes (never a huge effort it seems) to complete missing assignments. He gets solid Bs when he studies just a tiny bit (1h max) in summative tests.

I’ll close here with huge thanks again for your helpful feedback.

[Anonymous]

e been through something very similar with my daughter, so I really feel for you. She also has ADHD and went through a long phase of refusing her medication. For her, it wasn’t about growth concerns—it was more that she didn’t feel like herself on it—but the resistance and arguments sound very familiar.

When she does take her medication, the difference is honestly night and day. Her behavior is more manageable, and she can focus so much better. She actually took it consistently from 2nd through 8th grade with no issues, even on most weekends, and during that time she stayed pretty steady—mostly Bs and Cs, with only occasional trouble at school.

I also want to add—kids really don’t care as much as they think about who is medicated. And honestly, if anyone does make fun of him for it, that says more about them than anything else. It’s 2026—mental health and ADHD are so much more understood now. I’m pretty sure my daughter’s friends know she has ADHD and takes medication, and she’s never been bullied over it.

Things really shifted in high school when she started refusing it. Freshman year, she went on and off, and it showed—she failed three classes first semester. When she took it more regularly second semester, she improved but still had to go to summer school. Sophomore year was the hardest—more behavior issues, multiple referrals, even a suspension, and she failed several classes again.

Junior year was a little better as she started taking it more often, but it was still inconsistent. Now as a senior, she’s beginning to understand that she needs to pass to graduate, and she’s taking it most days. It’s still not perfect, but there’s definitely improvement when she uses it.

One thing you might consider—would he be open to a compromise, like only taking it on school days? Sometimes that feels more manageable to them and gives them a sense of control.

Also, since he’s on a low dose of Ritalin (10mg), you could ask the doctor whether it’s even lasting through the full school day or if a second dose is sometimes needed. My daughter takes Concerta 54mg, which lasts most of the day, and her doctor mentioned adding a small afternoon Ritalin dose if needed—but for her, the Concerta usually lasts long enough.

I know how exhausting it is—the constant tension, the arguments, the worry about their future. What helped a little over time was stepping back from making it a power struggle and letting natural consequences speak louder. It took a long time, but maturity has started to kick in.

You’re absolutely on the right track with how you’re talking about it—as a tool, not a punishment. That framing really matters. If anything, I’d just say try to keep the door open and avoid turning it into a battle of control, even though that’s incredibly hard.

You’re not alone in this—this is such a tough stage, especially with ADHD. I hope it gets easier for you soon. My daughter is set to graduate on May 28—God willing she passes her math class. It’s been a long journey, and honestly, once they graduate, you deserve to celebrate too because it is not easy getting there.

I know for some of our kids, just passing—even with a D—is something to be proud of. It takes a lot more effort than people realize.

Good luck to you. I really hope things get easier—it’s a tough road, but there is light at the end of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and I read through all posts above. I’m so grateful for all posts, long and short. Still learning to be strong and keep it calm and patient. Simply knowing that I’m not alone helps. Long posters - special thanks - I’m learning.

DS agreed to see and was engaged at the family Dr Appointment. I encouraged him to ask questions and discuss his concerns, and he did. And then agreed to try for 30d and reassess together.

I still don’t have psychiatrist appointment yet but on my to do list.

DS definitely needs medication. His symptoms are screaming adhd - it is hard to explain to those folks arguing they don’t need it. He is UNABLE to motivate himself to study at home… he is NOT interested in good grades. And after taking medication, you see 100% change — able to work through and cooperate with you, as you sit nearby to just be there as moral support to get through his challenging homework.

Logical thinking is a problem bc DS does not comprehend a linkage between education and long term benefits.

Many years ago, I did not believe in meds, and now I really get what adhd is and how it presents. Meds to adhd are like glasses to a person with poor vision. I’m very humbled by what adhd can do to your child. This child went from knowing all the president names in kindergarten (the first one to memorize in class) to just Ok in middle school with 0 meds, and now Fs in multiple soft subjects. It is just very clear, it’s not about capacity (as his tests showed in grades 2 and 4), it’s all about executive functioning breaks… when on task, it takes him literally a few minutes (never a huge effort it seems) to complete missing assignments. He gets solid Bs when he studies just a tiny bit (1h max) in summative tests.

I’ll close here with huge thanks again for your helpful feedback.

Ok. None of that explains all the other (much more serious) issues you described. Nor does it mean you can force him to take the meds. I’m disappointed you did not respond to the multiple messages suggesting therapy for YOU and a more thorough evaluation for him.

[Anonymous]

08:47, thanks for chiming in and sharing your story. It’s incredible how relatable it is.

Here, similar story: day and night like difference between medication and no medication.

All the best to your family as well and kudos that you figured out the approach and how to handle those challenges.