Can’t stand my ex-husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess he has resentment toward you, perhaps due to child support or alimony or taking a % of "his" assets, setting him back.

Not that this is rational, but money can make people crazy.

Do you work? Have you moved on and he hasn't? Or, back to the money, if he has moved on he could be limited due to what he has to pay.

Again, not an excuse, but if YOU want it to be better for your kids, if you can wrap your head around the WHY he acts this way you might be able to better ignore his behavior. I'm sure your kids sense your aggravation.

OP here. This is probably a part of it. I work and have a good job. We both have moved romantically. Our marriage ended 5 years ago, but his hatred lingers. I feel like he just hates that I exist and that he can’t completely walk away from me because we have kids. For me it’s a counterproductive way to view things. I can’t take back that he is their dad, so I deal with it and stay nice.

The kids don’t know I’m aggravated. it used to show when we first split but now I don’t let them see any whiff of it.

PP here. OP, you sound level headed in a way that he is not. His resentment of his former life and obligations to his first family is probably poisoning him. I hope he is a good father at the very least. And good for you that you keep it to yourself. In fact, I wonder if your "high road" dealing with him makes him hate you even more. I wonder if he is actually unhappy in his "new" life and hates to see you seeming like life is good. Whatever the case, people's psychology is next to impossible to change. Good luck!

This is most likely what’s bothering him

[Anonymous]

Is this really how it goes in acrimonious divorces this frequently? One person is perfectly mature, reasonable, above it all and the other person is nasty, hateful, and actively contemptuous for no reason other than they’re a horrible human being?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would guess he has resentment toward you, perhaps due to child support or alimony or taking a % of "his" assets, setting him back.

And if she's the one who blew up the family, that resentment is 10000% justified.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. When ex cheated, broke up our family, caused grief and financial losses for our family, destabilized our kids … I was hurt and upset. I was not able to be perfectly mature and reasonable during our custody battle, selling our marital home, fighting over assets.

With time, I got better and the grief dissipated.

But, ex has and continues to lash out at me because while he cheated and broke up our family, he feels I should have been kind and cooperative since day 1. Now that I’m getting better, he feels I’m untrustworthy because our divorce was ugly when it first ensued. He remains adversarial out of guilt and projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would guess he has resentment toward you, perhaps due to child support or alimony or taking a % of "his" assets, setting him back.

Not that this is rational, but money can make people crazy.

Do you work? Have you moved on and he hasn't? Or, back to the money, if he has moved on he could be limited due to what he has to pay.

Again, not an excuse, but if YOU want it to be better for your kids, if you can wrap your head around the WHY he acts this way you might be able to better ignore his behavior. I'm sure your kids sense your aggravation.

Or she cheated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vent post. My ex-husband makes me sick. He is just not a nice person. I often wonder how I was ever in love with him. I dunno that person is gone forever.

We have two kids and I try to co-parent respectfully with bare minimum text communication. Every blue moon we have to talk on the phone or in person and frequently it just goes to a nasty place on his part. He always assumes the worst about me. I just don’t get it. I see us as parents on the same team. Nobody will love our kids like we do.

That’s all. it’s sad. I hate my kids don’t get to have parents who can be in the same room.

Did you leave him for your AP? That would explain it.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. DH’s ex is, still 7+ years later, just incredibly hateful towards him. I’m married to him, so I know he’s not perfect (lol), but her nastiness to him is completely uncalled for. Never in front of others and never in front of the kids (but they know), but completely and irrationally unhinged towards him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vent post. My ex-husband makes me sick. He is just not a nice person. I often wonder how I was ever in love with him. I dunno that person is gone forever.

We have two kids and I try to co-parent respectfully with bare minimum text communication. Every blue moon we have to talk on the phone or in person and frequently it just goes to a nasty place on his part. He always assumes the worst about me. I just don’t get it. I see us as parents on the same team. Nobody will love our kids like we do.

That’s all. it’s sad. I hate my kids don’t get to have parents who can be in the same room.

He knows you hate him and responds in kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. DH’s ex is, still 7+ years later, just incredibly hateful towards him. I’m married to him, so I know he’s not perfect (lol), but her nastiness to him is completely uncalled for. Never in front of others and never in front of the kids (but they know), but completely and irrationally unhinged towards him.

You have no idea what their marriage was like or how he treated her. Also, you’ve only been married 7 yrs. Sometimes it takes a couple decades for the mask to drop.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to have conversations with ex-H? Just text concisely and keep it relevant to the kids. I don't engage in conversations with my ex-wife, it just means she wants something extra with no documented text record.

[Anonymous]

You can't stand him. He can't stand you. Both of you dislike the other and treat them accordingly.

Tale as old as time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:File for 100% custody. Do it now while your kids are young.

It's 2026. Courts don't do this without a very very good reason and OP has offered none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to have conversations with ex-H? Just text concisely and keep it relevant to the kids. I don't engage in conversations with my ex-wife, it just means she wants something extra with no documented text record.

If he’s like mine a partial sentence like confirming pickup time is enough to set off an angry rant always just shy of actual court-actionable stuff.

[Anonymous]

If he was physically violent before why do you expect him to be nice now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey - just empathy here. I have been divorced since 2018 and I'm still astounded how my ex treats me. I don't get it. I never will. And I'm also sad that our kids notice and will ask me why he's mean to me, and I still have to be the bigger person and navigate that question carefully. But because of how my ex treats me, there isn't even a way to have that conversation with him.

I was always hopeful we'd coparent well. And we did okay for a few years and then it just got worse and worse over the years for some reason and now we just parallel parent.

So I get it. I see you. I understand you. And I'm sorry. It sucks.

"I think dad must still have a lot of emotions about the divorce".