When your spouse becomes a fitness freak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he spending so much time on fitness that he is ignoring other priorities (work, family time, family responsibilities)?

Is he criticizing anyone else for not doing what he does?

If not, then he's not doing anything wrong. Let him be.

If he was, say, an obsessive pianist, would you get upset with him because he was setting an unreasonable standard for excellent piano playing?

We have a home gym so does not impact anything at home.

I think it is more of the boys challenging him to arm wrestle (or actually wrestle as one of ours does that for his sport). He will do it sometimes with them and they will talk trash but normally lose to him.

He does not criticize anyone - but when one of the boys may claim there arm is bigger or something he does not placate them.

Our daughter will sometimes run with him.

This is healthy. Embrace it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is people who work out extremely, run marathon, do CrossFit, do Iron Man have a higher rate of mental illnesses.

Has he always been high anxiety or is there some mental illness that he’s trying to stave away?

Has he always been insecure?

Very much a correlation/causation thing there FYI. It's also one of the best treatments for said mental issues.

Working out yes

Being extreme no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably prioritize getting in shape if you want to stay married.

This. I've seen it happen to friends. Get yourself fit, hot, and confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was off and on coming for about 4 years where DH would get in good shape for the summer as we spent mist of it at the beach house with our kids.

Now they are teens and both boys are into some form of sport.
it is almost a competition it seems…he has almost a 6 pack at 50.

I am not sure but while I think it is great he is in shape it is not for any sport or hobby. He admits at his age it pure vanity driven and that he feels it sets a good example of discipline and hard work.

But with teens I am concerned (especially for our boys) that there is already a boy trend on body image and hyper masculinity that he is just reinforcing body image insecurity and….vanity?

Also I cannot help but think he resents me in some way for not being as into the health craze as he is.

Maybe you and the woman complaining about her husband not getting in shape for their vacation should switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd probably prioritize getting in shape if you want to stay married.

This. I've seen it happen to friends. Get yourself fit, hot, and confident.

I have seen women do this pre-divorce/prior to an affair.

Men not so much.

[Anonymous]

This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!

You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!

You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?

No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!

You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?

No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.

😆

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so amazing. Good for your DH! He’s staying healthy and modeling how to stay healthy for your children. I don’t see the down side. Enjoy him!

You don’t see the downside of a father getting competitive with his teenage sons and refusing to let them win?

No. Eventually they will win. But it will be earned.

Uh huh.
You’ve never met a dad who didn’t allow his son to be stronger than him or a mom who didn’t allow her daughter to be prettier than her?

I’m pretty sure I have heard a story about this somewhere…

[Anonymous]

This will never change. Fat people really hate it when someone else prioritizes health and get in shape.

[Anonymous]

You ought to go to the gym too OP.

[Anonymous]

There are multiple issues there.

First, most people are very out of shape at 50. If he is this in shape, for whatever reason, it is a good thing, and that sets a positive example for your sons. The toxic body obsession (modeled by extremists like this Clavicular guy for example) is a separate conversation. Mere vanity does not = body obsession. And focusing on health does not = vanity. All of this is a conversation your family can (and probably should) be having.

You say you are concerned he resents you not being in this “craze” with him — but is this really about him resenting your weight/level of fitness? Or, you resenting how you do not have the same level of fitness and feeling insecure and projecting that by calling him a “freak” in a “craze”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will never change. Fat people really hate it when someone else prioritizes health and get in shape.

Truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was off and on coming for about 4 years where DH would get in good shape for the summer as we spent mist of it at the beach house with our kids.

Now they are teens and both boys are into some form of sport.
it is almost a competition it seems…he has almost a 6 pack at 50.

I am not sure but while I think it is great he is in shape it is not for any sport or hobby. He admits at his age it pure vanity driven and that he feels it sets a good example of discipline and hard work.

But with teens I am concerned (especially for our boys) that there is already a boy trend on body image and hyper masculinity that he is just reinforcing body image insecurity and….vanity?

Also I cannot help but think he resents me in some way for not being as into the health craze as he is.

He has someone other than you interested in him. Take it from experience