When your spouse becomes a fitness freak

[Anonymous]

This was off and on coming for about 4 years where DH would get in good shape for the summer as we spent mist of it at the beach house with our kids.

Now they are teens and both boys are into some form of sport.
it is almost a competition it seems…he has almost a 6 pack at 50.

I am not sure but while I think it is great he is in shape it is not for any sport or hobby. He admits at his age it pure vanity driven and that he feels it sets a good example of discipline and hard work.

But with teens I am concerned (especially for our boys) that there is already a boy trend on body image and hyper masculinity that he is just reinforcing body image insecurity and….vanity?

Also I cannot help but think he resents me in some way for not being as into the health craze as he is.

[Anonymous]

Is he spending so much time on fitness that he is ignoring other priorities (work, family time, family responsibilities)?

Is he criticizing anyone else for not doing what he does?

If not, then he's not doing anything wrong. Let him be.

If he was, say, an obsessive pianist, would you get upset with him because he was setting a unreasonable standard for excellent piano playing?

[Anonymous]

Jesus christ. I’ll trade places with you if you want.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing OP is feeling insecure she’s not super into fitness, too.

[Anonymous]

This is not a bad problem to have.

[Anonymous]

My DH's fitness phase turned into a habit, and he is even a partner in a gym. It has not had a negative impact on DS or anyone else in our family. I take barre classes regularly and want nothing to do with his gym. I don't think he judges me for that, but I also don't really care if he does.

[Anonymous]

I think you should enjoy the fruits of this phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing OP is feeling insecure she’s not super into fitness, too.

When I was in the dating world lonnnnng ago I was (flatteringly) chased by a doctor who also was really into fitness. Like treated it like a second job and did all the eating clean, supplements, etc. I was naturally thin and only do fitness that I love and that excites me- like I could never be a runner, but I could be a rower if that makes sense. I also loved cooking and drinking and just doing all things in moderation including moderation! I knew we were not compatible.

I would be dismayed if DH (with whom I am infinitely compatible) changed one of these core values on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he spending so much time on fitness that he is ignoring other priorities (work, family time, family responsibilities)?

Is he criticizing anyone else for not doing what he does?

If not, then he's not doing anything wrong. Let him be.

If he was, say, an obsessive pianist, would you get upset with him because he was setting an unreasonable standard for excellent piano playing?

We have a home gym so does not impact anything at home.

I think it is more of the boys challenging him to arm wrestle (or actually wrestle as one of ours does that for his sport). He will do it sometimes with them and they will talk trash but normally lose to him.

He does not criticize anyone - but when one of the boys may claim there arm is bigger or something he does not placate them.

Our daughter will sometimes run with him.

[Anonymous]

This is not a concern, OP. Our kids regularly join us in our basement gym, and though DH is super fit and athletic at near 50, he's the opposite of toxic masculinity. Maintaining muscle mass and fitness in late middle age is much more than vanity - it's conducive to lifelong mobility and better health outcomes. We both want to model this for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he spending so much time on fitness that he is ignoring other priorities (work, family time, family responsibilities)?

Is he criticizing anyone else for not doing what he does?

If not, then he's not doing anything wrong. Let him be.

If he was, say, an obsessive pianist, would you get upset with him because he was setting an unreasonable standard for excellent piano playing?

Do you think that you can be obsessive about anything and not have it affect your other responsibilities or relationships?

[Anonymous]

“My hot wife is also a great cook. Should I be concerned?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My hot wife is also a great cook. Should I be concerned?”

lol

[Anonymous]

Are you in good shape? If not I would join him in working out. It raises endorphins which leads to a better s*x life. And everyone likes looking better in a swimsuit.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure he's not taking all the crazy peptides/research chemicals as a shortcut