Being Objectified- no emotional connection

[Anonymous]

Has this been going on 20 years? Honestly if my husband said that to me I would be so disappointed and disgusted it would truly be a marriage killer without extreme repentance.

I am sorry you are being subjected to this. You deserve better. The question is, do you feel it’s worth even attempting to fix… if not, prepare yourself to divorce so you can land in the best standing (financial, emotional, logistical, etc) possible.

[Anonymous]

Is there emotional intimacy in the marriage?
That can get side-tracked when in the stress of kids, work, running a household and family.

[Anonymous]

Twenty long years and it’s now become an issue?

He sounds immature and you overlooked that and settled for his antics a long time ago.

He’s not changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't respect you. You've asked him to stop and he minimizes or dismisses your feelings completely. Does he do this with other things in your marriage or is it just when it comes to how he addresses you?

I don’t agree with what he is doing, but he is clearly seeking, the wrong way, physical connection or intimacy. Has he tried other methods and been shot down, have you initiated before he has a chance to ask? It may be a “I have nothing to lose” attitude.

[Anonymous]

Sounds awful.

I suggest you demand marriage counseling. He needs to understand his own misogyny, and how he is disrespecting you.

I hope that there is time you save your sons from this ugliness.

[Anonymous]

Women need to stop getting into positions where they are entirely dependent upon men, financially.

The bad men will exploit that power dynamic. And children need to see that either gender can do either job (home & child care vs breadwinner).

Both are adults, and both are parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, We both work, he just makes more. He refuses couples work. He was in therapy when we met (after his 1st marriage) and was much different. It has just become worse over time.

If he refuses couple work, that is a statement.

Honestly, prepare for divorce.

[Anonymous]

What is your sex life like?

He’s obviously an ass, but I’m wondering if he’s just shooting his shot (crudely) on the off chance that you can be convinced to get into the mood.

If my wife of nearly 20 years was receptive to it, I’d be handsy and playful, but she isn’t so I don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

I wish my husband was as dominant and yours and treated me like that.
My DH is too soft and gentle. It’s not fun.

[Anonymous]

I don’t say this lightly. Divorce this man. There is a reason he got divorced the first time and his “therapy” foray didn’t stick. He refuses to get therapy again. He treats you like an object and your children are watching this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

Contempt. Marriage killer.

Sounds like maybe you don't work and he resents being the soul breadwinner. Forgive me if I have that wrong. But it's a common dynamic.

Reading is fundamental

[Anonymous]

Second marriage ?
Red Flag 🚩

Ugh

[Anonymous]

Get yourself in counseling. You need to stand up to this perverse behavior, which is what it is. Your change with counseling will be helpful to you planning your next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a porn addiction. The way men treat you gets worse over time.

I am woman and this is a ridiculous statment. Men doing things or saying things that you or other woman MAY not like is not an indication of porn addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

I wish my husband was as dominant and yours and treated me like that.
My DH is too soft and gentle. It’s not fun.

We have this type of relationship, but we have open communication about this and we have defined cues for this. I take a specific action or say something indirectly that indicates the type of intimacy I am interested in or open to. DH takes a specific action or makes a particular statement, I know what he is seeking or open to.