Already Depressed about Valentine's Day

[Anonymous]

You want him to be someone he’s not and do something he clearly doesn’t want to do.

Why is that, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that way too. There are even people selling bouquets on the side of the road. You almost have to make an effort NOT to get something for Valentine’s Day.

There are people who reject the idea they need to celebrate this thing at all, and there are people with severe ADHD who just can't get their stuff together, for real, like forgetting to pay their taxes on time, let alone think about Valentine stuff. Some of my close relatives are in the second group.

And that's OK. I'm a married woman who couldn't care less about Valentine's Day, or our anniversary. The most we do is Christmas and birthdays, and even those are limited to our nuclear family. I remember my parents' birthdays, and he remembers his parents' and siblings' birthdays.

The simple life is infinitely better.

[Anonymous]

You have to make yourself happy. Go buy a diamond bracelet if that's what you wish he'd give you on valentines day. Romantic love is overrated anyway. At best, it ends in a dead marriage with a husband who can't remember to pick up some flowers from the grocery store on Valentine's Day.

[Anonymous]

No sympathy. This is a communication issue. You talk to your husband about what you want and what he's prepared to remember or agree to, and some compromise is reached.

[Anonymous]

This is a self-made problem, OP. There is something wrong with your way of thinking and you will always be unhappy.

DH and I usually have no plans and so we do spur of the moment things - trips, hiking, driving, birdwatching, movies, dinner, theatre, exhibitions, exploring some town, national parks...or...some more organized and enthusiastic friends will invite us for a party etc. If that does not happen, we are very happy being in bed watching netflix or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but I think you're pathetic, OP.

My husband is not the gift-giving sort, and thinks holidays are not important. It doesn't mean he doesn't love his family. He cares for us in multiple other ways all throughout the year. I buy myself what I want for Christmas and I buy stuff for the kids, because usually he has no idea what to do. For minor holidays like Valentine's Day, usually we cook something we both like, or go out to dinner - not on the actual day, but somewhere around then. Just to mark the occasion in a very low-key way.

You need to reframe your relationship otherwise YOU wil make YOURSELF miserable your entire life.

+1. OP: this is pathetic, immature, and a non-issue. Valentine's Day is a fake hallmark holiday. Grow up! You are not 12.

[Anonymous]

OP, the day means something to you which is what matters. If he doesn't do anything romantic the rest of the year here is an excuse for him to make some small gesture. I used to be one of those women who said that I didn't really care that my husband never did anything special for Valentine's Day, our anniversary, my birthday or Christmas. Deep down I did care and it hurt. After twenty years I'm planning to leave. I'd rather be alone than alone in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Just go buy your own treats. I always buy myself chocolates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"If he wanted to he would"

The bar is literally in hell, and some men are bringing a shovel. Vday is the same day, every year, advertised nonstop since xmas. If someone won't make the 2s decision to pick up a box of chocolates at the grocery store or gas station when they're already there... well you aren't much of a consideration. And you should realize that life doesn't have to feel that way.

+100

[Anonymous]

How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of red pill men in here, stomping their feet, and yelling “You can’t make me” as to why they can’t possibly pick up a $10 item to make their significant other feel happy & loved.

If he wanted to, he would. These are adult men. You have told him, he knows, & he is letting you know with his actions that you aren’t worth it to him. So….I have to agree with the person who advised therapy to either accept this or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are people so dense?! OP doesn't want to buy her own gifts or remember herself or celebrate her awesomeness. She wants her DH to WANT to do those things for her. It's not about the damn flowers. It's about having someone recognize how special she is to him. Personally, I find it cruel when a spouse fails to do something they know matters to their spouse. And it's also cruel to make her suffer through her friends and family showing off what they got/did for V Day while she has nothing to show for it. It's a social event, and people ask. It's humiliating to tell people that your spouse didn't give a sh_t and came home with nothing that day. He KNOWS this matters to her. It's not like it's a surprise year after year. He's choosing to emotionally mess with her by refusing to participate. He sucks.

Was coming to post the same. It's not about the date or holiday, it's the fact that her DH doesn't put in a tiny bit of effort when he knows it's important to her. It's just a sign of a much bigger problem in their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For at least five years, my husband has done nothing for Valentine's Day. Before that, he would get me a Whitman's Sampler from the drugstore. I used to get him clothing or something personal, but then switched to his favorite candies. For the last few years, I have started doing nothing as well since it felt even worse getting him something and then being forgotten. I always get my older children a Valentine's gift bag with candies and little gifts because I never want them to feel forgotten. A few years ago, my husband asked why I got the kids gifts because they are young adults, and I said that it's sad to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. He saw me crying once on Valentine's Day, back when I was still kind of surprised that he would forget me. I know I could point-blank ask him to get me a gift or go out to dinner, but that just seems pathetic. It is so easy to grab a gift -- grocery stores, drugstores, etc. have flower and candy displays at the front of the store each year. You almost have to go out of your way to ignore the holiday.

A grown up WOULD communicate directly about expectations. A child cries in a corner hoping someone notices. That’s manipulative.

Also know Valentines Day is a fake holiday that is for children. Your anniversary, birthdays etc are more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of red pill men in here, stomping their feet, and yelling “You can’t make me” as to why they can’t possibly pick up a $10 item to make their significant other feel happy & loved.

If he wanted to, he would. These are adult men. You have told him, he knows, & he is letting you know with his actions that you aren’t worth it to him. So….I have to agree with the person who advised therapy to either accept this or divorce.

Isn't this the definition of a cheap whore?

All it takes is some $10 trinket or whatever to make you feel special? On a day when some card company decreed making this gesture a litmus test of your love?

Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are how old? This sounds like teen girl diary stuff.

Exactly. This has to be a 14 year old posting.