Ds unhappy at college

[Anonymous]

Good Luck with things. We went through things with my DS his freshman year - everything similar but without the jealous girlfriend.

He was going to rush first semester and started to do so, but then decided not to continue. Unfortunately, he was not able to do so 2nd semester which really set him up for a poor semester. We should have been more aware as parents, but we weren't.

He ended up dropping 3 of 5 classes and is home now working and going to community college. It's working out ok, but I realize now we would have been more supportive when he was struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Luck with things. We went through things with my DS his freshman year - everything similar but without the jealous girlfriend.

He was going to rush first semester and started to do so, but then decided not to continue. Unfortunately, he was not able to do so 2nd semester which really set him up for a poor semester. We should have been more aware as parents, but we weren't.

He ended up dropping 3 of 5 classes and is home now working and going to community college. It's working out ok, but I realize now we would have been more supportive when he was struggling.

Why did he drop classes? Was he doing poorly the whole year?

[Anonymous]

He needs to dump gf. A friend's ds was in a similar situation and his social life at college was really limited because of his jealous gf (she even followed him to same school). Well, once they graduated she dumped him! He could have dated other women and made more friends while in college rather than stay in a dysfunctional relationship that ended when it no longer suited the gf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are we assuming GF is the problem. She is against hazing and frats, most sensible people are.

If it were the bf telling her not to pledge a sorority because of drinking and hazing, people would scream he was controlling her.

[Anonymous]

He seems too tethered to you both: you Op and the girlfriend. Hopefully he will emerge a stronger, more independent individual and more confident in knowing his own mind.

Remind him of all that's going well. Listen.

[Anonymous]

You want him to join a frat? That's a great idea. Nothing helps dealing with loneliness than being drunk!! Nice going mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:once he sleeps with another girl he will forget her.

High school relationships don't work out for most people in college que the I married my high school sweetheart people,

You must be a #boymom. I think op should have him talk to someone about his feelings. Sometimes being unhappy brings self awareness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GF is the problem and this will not fix til they break up.

His choice is he comes home and goes to community college or transfers to another four year university but not the one she is at. He must do all the work for the transfer or starting at CC.

This is a very common problem OP.

It is unfortunate and it sucks.

Girlfriend is not the problem. Why can't he stand up to her? Start there. But he sounds like a kid who doesn't drink so I don't know why a frat would work

[Anonymous]

This^. Instead of suggesting counseling and club activities, you want him to breakup with a person he loves and join frat bro parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we assuming GF is the problem. She is against hazing and frats, most sensible people are.

If it were the bf telling her not to pledge a sorority because of drinking and hazing, people would scream he was controlling her.

+1000

She doesn't care about the drinking and hazing. She cares about the girls.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read all the replies, but I would encourage him to rush and see if it feels right. He will know whether it’s a good fit and can then decide. Tell him that he has to do what is right for him to thrive at college and surely his gf will support his well-being.

[Anonymous]

You don't have an unhappy at college problem you have a why is my son in a toxic relationship with someone who is controlling and jealous problem. Identifying and working on the real problem, to the extent you have influence, will solve your college problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This^. Instead of suggesting counseling and club activities, you want him to breakup with a person he loves and join frat bro parties.

If that's your take I don't think you read anything I wrote. I've encouraged him to join clubs since before he even started in the fall and continue to do that. He's not found one that really worked so far, and part of that has been because of the girlfriend because he wants to spend time with her and isn't immersing himself into college life as much due to her. So my issue with the girlfriend is not breaking up or not: We like the girlfriend and include her a lot. It's the jealousy and focusing on the relationship rather than college that is the issue, because right now he is miserable without a social group.

As for frats, I've also explicitely stated that he's not interested at all in the heavy drinking ones and we had talks about it. But I do think he should see all the frats for himself because I know that out of the 30+ some are not focused on drinking and don't haze, and I think he'd benefit from having a good group of friends IF he wants to join, which, just like the girlfriend stuff, is his decision and not mine...

[Anonymous]

Frats have a terrible record of drinking, drugs, hazing, hookups, rape, assaults, pranks etc so who can blame his girlfriend. However, not everyone has to join fraternities, there are lots of other ways to make friends, get involved and develop professional opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Aren't there any intramural sports, professional clubs, residential college association, volunteer, research, theater, political, music, religion, language related groups etc?