DD dyed her hair pink and I’m not mad but am concerned

[Anonymous]

Does it upset you when she sees how small your mind is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with neon hair, a small tattoo, and a piercing. Kid is at a top university. Has joked to me how the parents on the student tours will look at them askance and with fear in their eyes as they pass by on campus. This kid is a top of class student in chosen major, will graduate with honors, is employed, is nearing graduation, is being recruited, is doing very, very well. For Gen Z, dying hair and body art is like wearing checkered Vans with a mohawk was for Gen X.

+1

Forgot to mention that this heathen child is in the honors college, too. Very well balanced kid, wise beyond their years, quite frankly a mensch, pays their rent in total now from job earnings, plans to pursue a Ph.D., is the person all their friends come to for life advice. Yes, even with that neon hair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 dyed her hair pink. To be fair I never told her she couldn’t, but she went and did it. I don’t necessarily feel the need to punish her, it’s really not that big a deal, but I do find this worrying. Maybe I wouldn’t if it was just a streak or something but dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help. However, she seems her normal cheerful self, but due to the hair choices I know that’s not the case. Or at least I suspect it’s not the case. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t intervene? Thoughts?

I agree with you, I’d be deeply concerned and I’d voice that. I’d also sit down with her and review everything - school, friends, etc to see what’s causing this crisis. Clearly she is trying to tell the world she needs help. And damaging her hair in the process.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a sign of mental health issues in this day and age. It’s pretty popular in certain groups. But if it seemed like part of an extreme personality change, I’d be worried. Like if she was previously very preppy and her dark hair was her pride and joy or something…. Sometimes kids (particularly girls) will do an abrupt style change because of something that happened to them — it’s a way of making an obvious break with who they were before. I’d talk to her about why she did it and also check in to see how she likes it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

How old are you? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Hair can get boring, so people make fun changes, the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with neon hair, a small tattoo, and a piercing. Kid is at a top university. Has joked to me how the parents on the student tours will look at them askance and with fear in their eyes as they pass by on campus. This kid is a top of class student in chosen major, will graduate with honors, is employed, is nearing graduation, is being recruited, is doing very, very well. For Gen Z, dying hair and body art is like wearing checkered Vans with a mohawk was for Gen X.

Yes, freaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

Seriously, have you ever been to a middle school? What isolated country are people on this thread posting from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Who cares?

If my child did this they would be grounded. If anything OP’s response is tame.

OP response is not tame. Her response makes it seem like she's off her meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can be a freak when she's supporting herself, out of the house, with her own money. If she wants an ordinary life in a family home, being gifted a college education - she's not to look like a freak

Some of the posts in this thread are so awful. The above is a classic example of conditional parental love. Sometimes I really feel like the parenting norms in this area are sick. If you ventured to virtually any other town outside the stuffy halls of DC you'd see that people are a lot more freely expressing themselves (tattoos, hair, piercings etc.) and frankly a lot of the people are more relaxed and happy.

Of *course* it’s good to check in on her mental health and how she’s doing generally given that it’s such a drastic change in her appearance, but trying to control her appearance and expression seems more likely to backfire than not

[Anonymous]

I had purple hair when I was that age. I just wanted to do something fun. There really wasn't more to it than that. It's pretty much the tamest funky thing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

Seriously, have you ever been to a middle school? What isolated country are people on this thread posting from?

I have multiple coworkers who did the brught dip dyed hair trend a few years back and I'm a lawyer (you pin it up when you go to court). Brightly colored hair isn't remotely weird.

[Anonymous]

Omg it's hair. I also come from a family and culture of "anything not "normal" is bad". I've tried super hard not to pass that to my kids and to accept them for who they are. My kid is 9 and we already talked about it and how it's ok to color hair and nails if she wants but let's make sure it's safe and what she wants before committing. Of all the body alterations to make it's the most temporary and easiest self expression to experiment with.

[Anonymous]

Neon pink? A light wash over her hair color?

Have any of her friends dyed all or parts of their hair? Changed hair styles?

Experimenting with personal style (hair, clothes) is part of adolescence. Your daughter is trying to define herself as an individual.

However, abrupt change can be a cause for concern. You need to look at the whole picture.

Lastly, unnatural hair color is no longer taboo.

One more thought.... she may have intended to do a streak or something else partial and messed up!

This is not always a cry for help. It's experimentation.