What’s the etiquette on receiving expensive gifts that you don’t care for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

Seriously. Don’t let him control the finances. What both of you earn now is marital property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he once said anything about getting something that you like? Not a particular item, but in a general sense.

He has. He did say in this conversation that I’m hard to shop for but he’s still learning on what I like exactly and that he’ll get better with time.

You're about to have a baby with him and buy a house with him but he's still "learning what you like"?

My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He knows I life coffee. He knows I love a ribeye steak. He knows I love heels. He knows I love large purses. Last year for Christmas he gave me a fuzzy pink house granny slippers….

People are bad at giving gifts. He has yet to learn what I like for gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

Ehh, I’m not that worried about this part. He doesn’t like me paying for dinners, trips, etc. For property, or any major purchases or investments we’ve already discussed I will be contributing and my name will be on things.

I will never be at stay at home mom. Will maintain my own account and we have a joint separate house and savings account. I don’t believe in not having your own and letting someone have 100% say in finances, especially as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same etiquette regarding gifts you do want to receive. Say "thank you."

You had your chance to tell him what to get you, and you passed on it with this "let's just save for the baby" stuff. You should have picked out something relatively inexpensive that you would actually like, because you know he's going to do this.

At any rate, agree with PP that you seem to have bigger problems.

I didn’t pick anything because we weren’t supposed to exchange gifts.

What’s the bigger fish to fry?

Well, you were the only one who thought and felt that you "weren't supposed to exchange gifts." Clearly the thought differently.

And that is the "bigger fish." If you need it spelled out more for you, there probably isn't much hope for you, with this guy or another, but I'll do it anyway: your communication with this man is well below par and that is a recipe for a failed relationship (at best).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and OP is there an age gap between you and this person?

I'm curious too and the earnings gap.
You both don't earn that much if you need to save to move to a new house and you want SIL to "buy" the bag you didn't want and couldn't return (??). He basically is terrible with money and doesn't make enough to be terrible with money. That's it in a nutshell.

I make 110k. Total comp, he makes around 350k. This doesn’t include his investments. He plans on retiring by the time he’s 40 (he’s 36).

It’s not about saving money per se, I just didn’t want him buying me expensive things when it could go towards the baby or something for the house. Money isn’t an issue.

He’s very good with money but because he has quite a bit of it this is like pocket change to him. I grew up comfortable but we didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, and if we did, it was a rarity. I had to help my family financially since I got my first big girl job.

He doesn’t like me paying for things. When we first started dating that was a big adjustment for me - letting him pay for everything.

You in danger, girl.

Ehh, I’m not that worried about this part. He doesn’t like me paying for dinners, trips, etc. For property, or any major purchases or investments we’ve already discussed I will be contributing and my name will be on things.

I will never be at stay at home mom. Will maintain my own account and we have a joint separate house and savings account. I don’t believe in not having your own and letting someone have 100% say in finances, especially as a woman.

If he's so traditional why isn't he wifing you up?

[Anonymous]

If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?

I do now lol.

Ugh.

Folks, I'm pretty sure this is OP admitting to making things up ^^. On the regular around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?

I do now lol.

Ugh.

Folks, I'm pretty sure this is OP admitting to making things up ^^. On the regular around here.

I still don’t understand what type of mental illness one must have to enjoy doing that.

[Anonymous]

Suggest that he just give you a gift card to one of your favorite retailers.

Also, discourage him from retiring at age 40 as it is the first step to death. A better goal is to have enough resources to be able to retire by age 40, but keep working & earning to ensure financial freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

He has a lot of bitcoin and investments. He’s also has a few properties as well. His dad retired at 45 as well from his investments.

I do agree that I need him to understand that spending money on frivolous things now that the baby is on the way is a no-go. I appreciate that he wants to give me “just because” gifts, so I think a conversation on spending limits needs to be had as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?

I do now lol.

Ugh.

Folks, I'm pretty sure this is OP admitting to making things up ^^. On the regular around here.

If I’m going to make t
something up it would be a lot more interesting than gift receiving etiquette….

[Anonymous]

Link to bag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anywho.

You do know that’s one of your tells, don’t you?

I do now lol.

Ugh.

Folks, I'm pretty sure this is OP admitting to making things up ^^. On the regular around here.

I still don’t understand what type of mental illness one must have to enjoy doing that.

Well, yeah. They are on here all the time. Why? Because people respond. And keep responding even after the OP admits to trolling. Let’s talk about what this interaction gets for OP and all the posters responding to a self-identified troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Link to bag?

https://kith.com/products/khw040104-001

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he’s only making $350k, it’s highly unlikely he has enough to retire in 4 years unless he sold a company for millions or something.

I agree he does not actually sound good with money (buying expensive things people don’t want is wasteful, even if you can technically “afford” it.)

Kids are expensive, especially childcare and college educations. You two need to get on the same page and once the baby arrives he’s going to need to start caring about what you think and want more than he currently does. He sounds like a steamroller.

He has a lot of bitcoin and investments. He’s also has a few properties as well. His dad retired at 45 as well from his investments.

I do agree that I need him to understand that spending money on frivolous things now that the baby is on the way is a no-go. I appreciate that he wants to give me “just because” gifts, so I think a conversation on spending limits needs to be had as well.

The problem is it is HIS MONEY. He can do whatever he wants. What are your childcare plans for the baby when you return to work? We’ll wait.